Cinematic suicide

Rating: 1/10 (30 May 2015)

In my quest to see the worst of the worst that Hollywood has to offer, I stumble upon this film. According to my younger brother, it was the worst film he has ever seen. I finally had the chance to see it and all I saw was: Horror, pain, misery and silence (I will explain that one later).
First my opinion about Mike Myers himself. He was a great actor and his rolls in Wayne's World, Austin Powers and the first two Shrek films are great. But than his popularity falls down in the around 2003, with film rolls like The cat in the hat. The Love Guru is seen as the exact point when Myers career committed Japanese ritual suicide.
I can say from the bottom of my heart that this is the worst comedy I have ever seen in my life. Say what you will about the Adam Sandler movies or the Friedberg and Seltzer movies (epic movie, disaster movie), at least they have some level of thought into it (not that it make these films good). This film is just an torture device.
First the story. It is about guru Pitca (Mike Myers), who is helping an ice-hockey player (Romany Malco) to face his fears, so he can win the ice-hockey game so Pitca can be at Oprah's talk show to become the world's greatest guru. The plot is bland, uninspired, very predictable and just stupid. The only things I can remember from this movie is the stupid and predictable love-triangle, and two elephants having sex on an ice-hockey field. I just became less intelligent after saying that last bit.
The characters are all bad. Myer's character was the worst one. He tries so hard to make the viewer's laugh, but fails miserably. The rest of the cast I can't remember a single thing except for the ridicules names. Like Justin Timberlake's character named Jacques "Le Coq" Grande, guess why he is called that way. Than you have Dick Pants played by John Oliver.
The worst thing that can happen to a comedy is that the jokes make nobody laugh. Remember the silence I mentioned at the beginning of this review? That's what my brother remembers of watching this film at his school, because nobody makes a laugh, not even at the really bad stuff in this film. The comedy in this film can be summed up like this: Guru Pitca's ridicules face, bad sex jokes (like the one with the elephants), and about a million dick jokes, none of them are close to be funny.
There is no hope for Mike Myers. He will never make a good film ever again. To all of you, stay away from this thing.