A star-studded, unfunny, embarrassing shambles

Rating: Null/10 (11 September 2008)

When his wife left him for a particularly well-endowed rival, the Maple Leafs star hockey player Darren Roanoke's winning ways turn to rubbish and the team starts to suffer. Young and unpopular owner Jane Bullard turns to a relationship guru for help in fixing the problems that seem to be doing the harm. Guru Pitka takes the job with the aim of becoming the #1 guru in the country and claiming his rightful spot on the Oprah Winfrey Show, however the road to a solution where matters of the heart are involved are never straightforward.
You can sort of see what Myers was doing with his character because in a very, very broad sense there is some comedy to be had from taking the mick out of modern self-help experts with their slogans and trademarks. This is me being generous though because this potential doesn't even come close to being translated into being a good film. The plot of the film is just an excuse for a patchwork quilt of poor "comedy" moments and famous faces that are never actually that funny. That is the problem because any comedy can get over plotting issues if the audience is laughing most of the time, but rest assured you will not be here. The script is full of lazy gags, juvenile humour and basic mugging from all involved. A lot of the blame is on Meyers of course and in fairness to debut director Schnabel (who's limited resume on IMDb shows him coming up thanks partly to Meyers) but he was not going to take on "star" Meyers and say "you know what  this just isn't working".
The truth is though that somebody needs to because Meyers easy mugging is just lazy and unfunny, with a routine that once was fresh is now just lots of face pulling and "pee-pee" jokes. He seems totally unaware of this because he includes a musical reference to Wayne's World thinking it will be a funny in-joke as opposed to a sad reminder of when he was funny. What is truly mystifying though is why so many stars are involved. Alba is moving past the "starlet of today" stage and needs to get established before the next pretty young thing comes alone  she has done this well recently with award show hosting etc as well as solidly performing films but she REALLY needs to consider what her agent is doing to her  Good Luck Chuck was a job for a starlet and, while I understand from the names involved the Love Guru looked more attractive, reading the script should have been a clue. She tries to be light and funny but the film doesn't deserve her efforts. I can only assume that Timberlake did this because he wanted everyone to see that Southland Tales was not a failure because THIS is what a failure looks like. He tries and throws himself into a ridiculous accent and character that would have been great if it wasn't so silly. Troyer does his usual stuff yet again but far more excruciating is a terrible turn from Sir Kingsley who I can only assume really does need the money that badly or has completely lost any sense of judgement  his performance is pulling an cross-eyed face. End of story. Simpson, Kilmer, West and others line up to show their famous faces but what is more disappointing is to see two very funny and very clever men (Oliver and Colbert) taking part in this, although to his credit Colbert is one of the few slightly funny things in here.
So I'm saying what everyone has already said, but I gave up 90 minutes for this thing so I think I've earned my say! I'm not sure how Meyers can turn it around but certainly having free reign and seemingly thinking that just turning up, pulling faces and kicking a midget in the groin will do it has not helped him. Not sure why nobody told him what a mess this is or why so many people were willing to take part but ultimately what we the audience are left with is an unfunny shambles of a comedy that is silly but never actually funny. I have no issue with silly films but I do when they are unfunny, lazy and frankly an embarrassment for most of those involved.