Mr. Myers, Please retire because your career is dire.

Rating: 1/10 (30 June 2008)

An open letter to Mr. Michael Myers.
Dear Mr. Myers.
I am writing to inform you that it's the sign of the times and I think you should read and understand what it clearly means in regards to your....career. The years have come and go but unfortunately they have not been kind to cinema and society in general. The reason I'm writing this letter is because I feel that deep in my heart you should SERIOUSLY consider throwing in the towel and find something else worthwhile pursuing; maybe philanthropy perhaps? If you do that not only will people respect you more but it will also help wash away all memories of those years enduring your crap after crap after crap movies. Although I can't see how this can possibly happen overnight if fate and the universe persists, it will be a sigh of relief if it was all the more true.
Memories. Oh how profoundly fond those memories are and I recall watching "Wayne's World" when I was teeny-weeny with a more less jaded view of the world and then came "Austin Powers". Ahhh, the laughs those provided to help me drift away from the drudgery of life. Then a funny thing happened and the end result was a horrific turn as a pudgy, sex-innuendo laden feline several years ago. In my mind there's no denying that you should have realized that your career tanked at that point for someone once funny to even remotely consider such a perilous career move. The days of "Austin Powers" are gone, buddy. GROW UP AND BE A MAN!!!
Having read the news a while back of your latest endeavor, I hoped that you'll rebound after such a dog-pile-of-you-know-what of said movie. But alas, my hopes were shattered once again and as I left the theater after witnessing such a travesty of talentless vain proportions, the fragility of my mental state almost reached the breaking point when a good Samaritan saved me from what was, to be precise, an almost life-threatening ordeal. I thanked the good Samaritan of course as any sane individual would do and went our separate ways. But I will never, EVER, thank you for releasing such soul-shattering ineptness garbage that nearly killed me dared to be released for unsuspecting, innocent eyes!!!
So in conclusion, after clearing my head of the madness that I suffered, cleansed my spirit as well as my soul, I am now able to return to the outside world once again with the notion that no human being should ever go through such a horrific experience. Although I know that time doesn't heal all wounds but it is known that the human spirit is a remarkable thing that not even the likes of you and the evils of Hollywood inhabiting the blue and green world cannot comprehend. That special someone, that one individual who saved me from the madness you spewed fourth are moments like these that remind me of the good in the world. And for that, I'm grateful.