These Ork-things ain't so tough after all

Rating: Null/10 (28 January 2003)

All they ever do is lose. Every single trained human soldier in these films beats the ork-things as the flash of a bow. Fifty ronin led by a renegade prince come across some Orks. Bye bye orks. The soldiers from the other kingdom travelling stealthily over
the land meets an ork Army. Guess who looses. Easily. You guessing? Yup, the Orks get kicked again. And then finally Helms-Keep. Old men are holding them off and they out number the human-elf army by about 500 to one or so. Mighty tough Orks, aren't they? When White Wizard (much much tougher than gray wizards) arrives with a few thousand horseman, it's Ork-Stew for everyone!
It's a good thing they shot this movie in New Zealand because Middle Earth is just about that big and no more. Ten thousand baddie Orks? Whoppee. I seem to remember civil wars around this earth where ten thousand casulties was more a skirmish than a battle. And this was suppossed to be round one between ultimate evil and whatever on the other side.
Can someone explain to me what Solon wants? More sex? How about a body? I understand Hitler, I understand Stalin, I understand Saddam and Osama. Two films into the trilogy and I ain't got one clue (NOT A CLUE!) as to what Solon wants. Could somebody please tell me. If he wins the ultimate battle, what does he get? Ork women? Puhhleeease.
The first film had some intrigue into it, the fellowship, the quest, the characters, the bonding etc. Oh yeah, one prince in the fellowship was actually defeated by Orks. He killed about 25 of them first, but was defeated by odds of about 200 Orks to one. Boy those Orks sure are tough.
The Two Towers was interminable. Let there be closure in the the third episode. We need it.
One last question. Those of you who love these films. Are you, like, subscribers to the "conspiratorialist" school of history? That would explain a lot.