Tolkien would be disgusted

Rating: 1/10 (19 March 2018)

Boy oh boy, what a mess.
Visually, it's gorgeous, although by now of course the CGI that so impressed everyone has not aged well and Gollum looks really unconvincing.
Story-wise, they have raped and confused Tolkien's masterpiece and taken liberties Tolkien himself would never have allowed for all the money they'd throw at him. The hubris of the lady who altered this script is unbelievable - Farimir's a bad guy, huh? Whatever you say, lady. Probably a movie was never going to truly capture the nuance of the books, but they didn't even come close here... the cartoon in the 70s did a better job for God's sake.
This has been watered down appallingly for the cattle. As long as it looks and sounds like a good movie, the cattle are impressed, as usual. Good costumes and music, that's all the cattle need. And of course Bad Guys all being clearly and obviously 10000% bad, the good guys are clearly and obviously 10000% good... angel music when they are on screen to make it even plainer, and sinister music for the bad guys, it's a good substitute for character.
Every line of dialogue must lack subtlety to keep the sheep impressed, so of course even Wormtongue holding a parchment and saying: "Theoden signed it this morning," yeah even this has to be The Most Dramatic Line Ever Said In a Movie!!!!! Cue the music which reminds the audience they're supposed to Feel Emotions at this moment.
Oh my God how embarrassing to see those actors trying to keep a straight face while talking "elvish". Gimli's character is nothing but lame comic relief - he's short, get it? Ha, ha.
This whole movie was an enormous, overly long cringe. And the cattle cued for miles to dump hundreds of millions in the pockets of those who did this. For shame.