The Return Of Hollow Pathos and Plastic People

Rating: Null/10 (24 March 2008)

Watching Return of The King twice took over 6 hours of my life, and i got nothing back. It's simply the most awful heap of big-budgeted pseudo-philosophical badly-scored plastic-acted superficial fantasy war epicness made out of one of the most interesting fairy-tales ever. It hurts my brain when we see osgiliath taken by orcs..can you make anything out of that ******* awful camera-work? It tears my soul apart to see Legolas of the mysterious elves engage in rapid bow-and-arrows sniping and run around invincibly in the battle, taking down dozens of terrifying orcs down.. where's the terror of evil felt in the book.. the despair? the looming darkness everywhere? it doesn't feel...even once that the war is going bad. It's perfectly clear to everyone right from the start that Aragorn and his fellows are just marching trough the computer-generated masses of orcs and terrors without taking even a scratch. There's nothing for you here. Only death. Take the first line off and apply it to the movie and you got the real thing. Return of the King is NO QUESTIONS ASKED the VERY WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN. Just check out the hilarious green vacuum-cleaner ghost-army ocean sweep down the orcs and oliphants and the like. And those gloves and axes etc.. where's the filth? the realism? the stains of sweat? You could almost see the plastic bags in the horizon from wherein the axes and the like were just moment earlier drawn. And mind-numbing cliché dialogue. And Watchtower Sauron (what's scary in burning eye? Jackson's should have let us see more of that evil.. so that we could fear the plastic-BS even less.. you know.. most of the people fear the things they don't know so Jackson used the most important card of the whole saga the worst way imaginable.. showing it off in the first movie and displaying it all the time...and what's more important.. applied it into the ROTK in a form of an watchtower...im ever so scared and impressed by an flaming eye..oh-the-horror..blaaaaaaah.) Well there's no point continuing to criticize ROTK because most people seem to like it for some unknown reason. I find it terribly irritating, superficial, badly-scored, very ugly and empty of any kind of artistic vision whatsoever. There's one more thing i want to say: "i can't carry the ring for you Frodo.. but i can carry you..." let's see the stars and stripes swinging in the wind and the statue of liberty pointing out from below the land of Mordor like in the Planet of the Apes. Can't there be a single movie made without the irritating-as-hell U.S.A:ian pathos?