The "Return of my money" please!

Rating: 1/10 (25 January 2009)

I want to be as honest as possible in my review of this film, I comment on this movie as I feel outraged that it has been given such a high rating on IMDb. First my credentials as a fair and impartial reviewer: I am a native New Zealander, my mum new Peter Jackson well & I quite enjoyed his early films, Bad taste,the Frighteners, Heavenly creatures & particularly Brain dead. Some of the movie sets were just a few miles from my house, and I had the opportunity to work as an extra on the trilogy and all were treated graciously. Additionally I was a huge fan of Tolkien's book and had a sense of excitement and wonder that the Lord of the rings was to be made into 3 films in my home country. Many of the bad reviews posted here compare the book to the movie and the movie will always come off worse, and I must admit that when I saw the Fellowship I was horrified at how bad and boring it was compared to the book, but come two towers I came with an open mind and quite enjoyed the film, judging it on its own merits and I had the same plan going into the return of the king.
Additionally I must admit there were a few parts of the Return of the king that I thoroughly enjoyed; The lighting of the torches, the juxtaposition of the brave warrior riding of to almost certain death, to please and prove himself to his father, while dad casually feasts on grapes supported by a beautiful song, the scene where the kingdom bow down to salute the brave hobbits. Also the brothers acting was fine. aannndd thats about it.
This movie was awful for me first and foremost because it did not draw me in to the story, for only seconds at a time did I care for or could I make sense of the story and the acting, I was simply bored and restless. Some of the reasons for this follow:
The length: 3 hours + +? Peter, have you heard about the innovations in film editing?, and what is with the multiple endings? It was like one of those nightmares where you wake up, but you are really still in the dream and can't seem to get out! I believe a natural ending would have been with the salute to the hobbits.
Frodo: Oh Nodo!!, Frodo wore only one expression on his face for the entirety of two towers, and the majority of fellowship and return. You know that look of pained resignation, of sore weariness. All those head shots kind of got boring. Also I just did not buy him turning on his loyal companion Sam, taking the rascally creatures word over his. Additionally having struggled so long and hard, being so pure of heart for the whole journey, you just suddenly decide you want to keep the ring at the last moment? c'mon!
Sam: (Smithers)The part where Frodo sends you away and you start to cry, I wish I could erase the pained forced feeling of that scene from my memory.
Warrior woman: I can't remember whether it was in the book or not, but the ease with which you dispatched an enemy far more powerful than you, or just about anyone for that matter, seemed a little unlikely. It Bet Daniel Son's victory over a vastly superior opponent in KK3 hands down.
Hordes of the undead: Those ghostly figures Aragon summoned, Um, it wasn't too suspenseful for me seeing them do battle, since they were invincible and could not be attacked back!
Legolas: A shame to see the kick arse archer from fellowship & towers reduced to a one very fake looking scene taking down the baddies on the elephant.
Dwarf: I like a dwarf to be ascetic and noble, not comic relief.
Aragon: Why did you change your voice tone and go all James L Brooks on us when giving your Coronation speech? My friend suppressed a laugh.
Karl Urban: There was an excellent scene in the trailer where you screamed and wailed at the sky, below your father-the king's body lying dead on the earth, that scene really got my heart racing, I can't believe it was absent in the movie.
The Battles: Who was fighting who? the editing was such that I couldn't see which characters to root for as the action flied by too quickly and clumsily.
Golem: We get that the ring has corrupted your soul and turned you into something horrible over the years, we get that you will make a play for the ring before the film is out. Was the opening scene biography really necessary?
Finally and by far most disgracefully, please keep in mind that all three films were filmed at the same time, using the same actors, production crew and locations. The first two movies got just a few Oscar nods in minor categories such as sound effects editing, How can Return of the king be THAT much better than the other two that it sweeps up 13 or so Oscars, everything for which it was nominated! Shame on you academy!!, my guess is that the Money from New Line cinema was not all spent on making and advertising the film itself! Bouycott the Oscars!!