Merchandisers! Merchandisers on wings!

Rating: Null/10 (19 December 2003)

Well, if I see another Hollywood moomoo-kerching movie, please kick me in the nuts. It was kind of inevitable that I would be seeing this thing. Come to think of it, this film is likely to be seen by most of the planet - is there a point in reviewing it at all? Folk will see it regardless. Oh well... Saying this film continues where the second movie finished deserves a slap, but in case the first two missed you it's worth saying that this the last of a trilogy of stories by JRR Tolkien. It is remarkable as a project, as it has taken 8 or so years to be made. It was originaly meant to be one film. Just goes to show that some movie companies couldn't see money in a bank. It concerns the fate of a fictional world called Middle Earth, which sits on the verge of a peacefull age of mortal men (if they can pull themselves together) or slavery and destruction under a long forgotten sorcerer called Sauron and his associates of focused villainry... and there is this ring which has the power to bend all peoples to the wishes of whoever wears it - but only Sauron can wield it without going insane, as his will is part of the power of the ring.
The stories have a wonderful strength of creating compelling characters and situations that wouldn't be out of place in a religious creation myth or saga. They have a weakness in that too much history is crammed in (there would have been a lot more - see Silmarillion), making reading them very labourious in places. So far, this negative hasn't come across too bad in the films. The first one seemed to skirt around some of the meatier parts of the story (racial friction and old alliances), and only came alive at the end. The second had a much better pace and more interesting things going on in the character department, and the third one?
It begins strongly with a reiteration of Smeagol/Golom's bitter-pathetic character, and tells the story of Minas Tirith pretty well. It kicks off with some compelling battles (seems more tied in with the story than 'ooo, look what CGI can do' which dogged the second flick) and metaphors of human greed and insecurity with the (unfortunately ham city) Steward of Gondor. The whole deal with Shelob (not for arachnaphobes) is perfectly timed - not the 'run-run-run - SCAREY SCAREY - run-run-stab' caper I was fearing.
But I say these things as a Nerd of the Rings. As a film, it amazes me in that where it succeds in making fantasy hokum (eg: a ring that controls minds) an endearing concept, it fails in making the lead characters - the nine of the fellowship - seem like they have anything in common when there is nothing chasey-fighty going on. Only Frodo and Sam beat this trend. I have an alarming theory that a lot of the character development in these films is only visible in Special Edition DVDs. I imagine that this is out of presumptions of what will sell to the punters and that more cash can be made from these Special Editions. The main thing that makes me concentrate upon this apparant trend is that a key scene with Saruman (Cristopher Lee) was chopped from the start that would have made the movie make greater sense in places. With my cynics hat on, ther were several parts of this film that seem to be missing bits that would be only realy missed by those that have read the books - but still would have made the film richer and more balanced.
It feels a bit patchy in key places, but very strong in others - which always amazes me (and p***es me off): just because there is some wonderful skill and imagination put into some parts, film makers can't just botch and gloss over other sections of film. As a bonus, it never digresses from what I feel is the main theme of the books - togetherness and understanding is strength, and answers to great problems can be found in the most insignificant of places. Naivities or truisms, anyway. Annoyed and elated was I as I elbowed my way out of my local multiplex. Visions of impossible war Oliphants meeting Elven smartarse tactics and warriors from beyond the beyond filled my imagination. Thoughts of whether Ian 'I'm gay you b*****d' McKellen will win the much coveted Best Wobbly Lip in a Wizard oscar and was Frodo copping a feel of Sam's ample buttock played upon my mind as I compared it to my expectations. It stuns, it amuses, it inspires, it falls short - but who cares? You've already decided to see it anyway. One franchise to rule them all...