Slightly better than Two Towers, but that's not saying much

Rating: 5/10 (8 June 2013)

I've seen this movie before, but remember almost nothing about it. I re-watched it and concluded that it had similar flaws to Two Towers, but here are some notes.
--The film opens with two retards named Smeagol and Deagol. No, I'm not making this up. Deagol finds the ring in the river, then Smeagol kills him for it. I can't help but laugh while writing this. This is hokey stuff.
--Sarumon inexplicably has no power anymore. Well, that's convenient. I guess that powerful wizard wasn't all that powerful after all.
--And speaking of wizards, Gandalf is completely misused. So the scriptwriters (and/or novelist) use a contrived twist to bring him back to life in Two Towers, only to then use him for basic swordsman tasks. Isn't this guy some kind of powerful wizard? Why the hell does he spend almost all of his time riding horses, leading armies, and beating orcs over the head with his staff? Last time I checked, wizards use magic and cast spells. Gandalf is portrayed as a three-trick pony in terms of magic. He can summon eagles, exorcise kings, and make his staff glow. That's about it. If this guy had any real skills, he'd use powerful magic spells during the battles. Apparently, Gandalf is better at using blunt objects. They should have let this guy die in peace during Fellowship.
--This film has the same boring filler material that Two Towers had. Again I ask, what do the characters accomplish during the first two hours of this movie? The humans sit around and prepare for war, which consists of putting on armor and walking or riding around. No battle strategies are discussed whatsoever. Why can't someone write some interesting dialogue for a change? All we get is banal, middling chit chat about honor and the coming fight. It's incredibly tedious stuff.
--Okay, let's take a look at Gollum. Many reviewers (even those who dislike the film) think that he's a well-written character. I disagree. It's rather ironic that his "good guy" personality completely disappears early on in the film, which contradicts his persona that was defined in Two Towers. He's just purely evil and manipulative in Return of the King. So I ask, what was the point in giving him a split personality in Two Towers? I'll tell you: it was a cheap gimmick and a lazy way to create a character with fake complexity. Also, at this point I'm frankly getting sick of hearing him say "precious" every other sentence. This guy must be one of the most annoying characters ever created.
--Frodo, Sam, and Gollum continue to walk through mostly gray environments, but there is a bit more color in Return of the King when compared to Two Towers. You see, there's a white castle in this one. That's a big step forward for Jackson. Maybe next time he can add a third color to the film's color scheme.
--Liv Tyler still can't act.
--Some super villain called the Witch-king is introduced. Not surprisingly, he barely gets any screen time. He also dies rather easily for being the most powerful of his kind.
--So Aragorn attempts to recruit a ghost army. You'd think that would be difficult, but he waves his special sword around and they immediately follow him. Can't we make this stuff a bit more interesting? Some kind of test, riddle, or obstacle would have made the scene more memorable.
--There's no additional character development for any of the characters in this movie. Even the newer douchebag character named Denethor is wafer thin. There's a scriptwriting contrivance where his son is delivered half-dead but Denethor thinks he's completely dead, so he commits suicide. This despite the fact that he heartlessly sent his son on the suicide mission to begin with. It's kinda stupid, actually.
--The big battle ensues at Minas Tirith. At first it feels impersonal because it involves a lot of stock characters that no one cares about. Also, it's like a rehash of the Helm's Deep battle where hope is almost lost until reinforcements arrive. However, it gets more engaging as it moves along and there are some cool moments, like the giant elephants. Overall, I think it's a good battle.
--We get a memorable moment when Sam fights the giant spider. Definitely one of the best scenes in the film.
--One thing I've noticed is that the ring's effect on Frodo is very superficial. It seems to make him tired and physically exhausted, but there's nothing more to it than that. They may as well have had him transport a magical anvil or something instead. Same difference. I would have preferred something more interesting or psychologically deceptive.
--The final hour is both predictable and dull. This film takes forever to end. It's simply not worth slugging through 200 minutes for only a small handful of good moments.
This film won 11 Academy awards. One can only shake their head in disbelief. At heart this is a brainless action movie with thin melodrama masquerading as dramatic depth. Of the numerous awards, Return of the King won for Best Film Editing, which is hilarious.