Trash of the worst sort(*spoilers)

Rating: 5/10 (24 December 2003)

First off, J.R.R. Tolkien was the greatest story teller (except possibly Shakespeare) England has ever known. So why does Peter Jackson think he can tell Tolkien's stories better by butchering the plot and the characters? Adaptation arguments aside, the movie itself felt like a cross between Jackson's earlier "Frighteners" and the monotonously long "Meet Joe Black". What little flair for action Jackson showed in "Two Towers" is quickly lost in the constant use of slow motion in this film. Slow pans take up nearly every moment, including battles, goodbye scenes, and reunions. I wanted to scream at the movie screen "Get to the damn story!!!"
In addition, Jackson resorts to the campy feel of Evil Dead movies. It is hard not to burst out laughing when triumphant music plays while the tower falls (in slow motion) and the eye is searching around with a look of befuddlement. The king of the dead and his legions are directly taken from "The Frighteners" and the close-ups of Denethor eating chicken ruin what could be the film's only touching moment (Pippin singing while troops rush to almost certain death). Peter Jackson, you should be collecting garbage instead of producing it.