Steaming...

Rating: Null/10 (25 October 2004)

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy reminds me of something with which I am quite familiar as a long-time denizen of Central New York: a steaming pile of horse manure. You know, that sickly sweet smell, wafting across hills on a summer breeze. Some people find the scent pleasant. I disagree.
Likewise with LOTR. It seems Peter Jackson confused everyone into thinking that this series was something epic, something gargantuan, something important. Really, though, it's not. Yes, it is epic and it's long too, but it's not an important cinematic event. In fifty years, I dare say it'll be forgotten along with Titanic. You remember that plate of tripe, don't you? No, by the time I'm lying prostrate on a hospital bed, these three movies will have long been expunged from my memory and the memories of most others.
You see, Mr. Jackson somehow forgot to concoct an interesting story when he drafted his endless (and often excruciatingly dull) battle scenes. There is, really, no character development to speak of. Frodo and Sam remain one-dimensional throughout and what depth Jackson gives them is cursory. And the rest? I have a difficult time keeping them straight.
I'm sorry, Ringies, this movie just isn't that good. Maybe it's the glossy coating. See, I love Star Wars and, to be fair, many of the criticisms I've leveled against LOTR could also be leveled against George Lucas' films. Oh, and when I say Star Wars, I speak of the original trilogy. Yet, for all it's craftsmanship, the original Star Wars films were sort of clunky. You could tell that they were models made by hand, sets made by hand, costumes made by hand. It looked like a B-movie and felt like a B-movie and it was a B-movie, albeit one with great set design, costumes, effects, etc. LOTR really is a B-movie as well. Or at least it would have been 50 years ago. Yet, in today's market, it gets gussied up, made into an A-picture and it doesn't deserve it. I'm sorry, I just don't find this movie all that good and you'll never convince me otherwise.
5/10 - Three points for tree-beard or whatever his name is and two for the ambition to even film it.