Give Me Back My Money!!!

Rating: Null/10 (3 February 2004)

This movie was bad on so many levels. Well, at least 3 levels, but that's 2 more than Disorderlies, which was bad only because of the Fat Boys. Although they do comprise many levels, especially if you count their chins, of which they have more than a Chinese Phone Book.
Firstly, what a snoozer this movie was. I can't even really give a complete review, because I kept falling asleep. Couldn't they have added a few action sequences. Maybe some dramatic tension to keep people's eyes open. I felt like I was listening to the soothing sounds of gentle raindrops, while watching Elves frolicking in the woods.
Now, has there ever been a movie been more insulting to little people since Danny DeVito was doing movies? Hobbits, Dwarfs, and Orcs, oh My! Why didn't they just have them follow the Yellow Brick Road? Possibly find the Cowardly Lion some Courage. Or help the Tin Man get a Heart. At least The Wizard of Oz had singing. I will admit, the singing was very mediocre, but at least they tried.
This movie needed some real stars. Maybe a Vin Diesel, or perhaps they could have had Michael Clarke Duncan play an Orc. Hulk Hogan would have given this snoozer a well needed shot in the arm.
Return of the King?
How about Return of my Money.