Great galloping Oliphaunts. . .

Rating: 10/10 (29 December 2003)

********SOME SPOILERS THROUGHOUT******
I went to see this film for the first time by myself, because one of my good friends who wants to see it with me tends to talk at the movies. Knowing this, I snuck off while she was away on vacation, so as to experience it once by myself, uninterrupted, so that later when we see it together and she does talk, I'll only be irritated rather than furious. But as I was leaving the theater, dazedly shaking my head, it occurred to me that my friends, who have never read the books and knew nothing about LOTR until I forced them to watch the first 2 parts of the movie trilogy, were going to ask me, their resident LOTR geek, what I thought of Peter Jackson's Return of the King. And the answer was, I really didn't know. I would in no way say that the film was bad. It was great. It had its moments of non-greatness (which I'll detail in a bit), but for the most part it was every bit as mind-blowing and fantastic as almost everyone is saying it is, and the whole trilogy is way up on my list of all-time favorites, and I can't wait for the extended DVD to come out (I agree with the person who commented that it will be nice to see which of the choppy bits --yes, there are choppy bits in a 210-minute movie!-- get filled in in the extended cut). But when asked, did I LIKE it, I would open my mouth and nothing at all would come out. Maybe I felt like it was "above my likes and dislikes", as Sam would say, but it just seemed the wrong question to ask about this film. So I went and saw it again. And now, I do like it. A lot. Nearly all of the bits that they tweaked from the book were done with great cinematic effect and without hurting the story. Most of the bits they left out were completely understandable as far as time and pacing went. Of the bits that they made up, the one where Frodo sends Sam home is the most effective. The others. . .
Well, I did my Nitpicker's List for TTT, so I'll do it again for this one. Once again, in no order of importance:
(1) Missing or changed lines from Tolkien (very small but memorable): Gimli saying "Well-earned? I can hardly believe that!"; Pippin saying "...until my lord release me, or death take me, or the world end"; Merry asking Piipin, "Are you going to bury me?"
(2) It's a fabulous shot, and Frodo's face looks particularly angelic and beautiful in it, but how many times can you do the "slow-turn, closeup and wide-eyed stare over the right shoulder" thing before it becomes just a little bit hackneyed?
(3) While I have no problem at all with all the "endings" --after all, these scenes were (with some tweaking in the coronation scene) ALL in the book (and Peter Jackson has left out the longest "ending" of all in the Scouring of the Shire), I don't feel that it was necessary to shoot them all in slow motion. There is enough heartstring-plucking stuff going on in all of it to smite the whole audience in real time.
(4) No Scouring of the Shire. Saruman and Wormtongue are pooh-poohed and abandoned in Isengard. Hmm.
(5) Eowyn is really the only character in the whole trilogy that the filmmakers have almost totally missed. Not Miranda Otto's fault --after listening to her comments on the extended DVD of TTT it is evident that she was never really given a direction for Eowyn and was constantly struggling to identify her character. Too bad.
(6) Hopefully the extended DVD will show Eowyn giving up on Aragorn and turning to Faramir instead (not to mention Faramir's, and Merry's, recovery).
(7) The scriptwriters hit people over the head every which way to explain why the Lords of the West ride out to the Black Gate after the battle of the Pelennor Fields. It's a diversion, to draw Sauron's attention away from Frodo and Sam. But even Gandalf says that Sauron won't bite on such a tiny threat. However, in the book Gandalf knows that Sauron knows that his enemies have the Ring and that one of them claims to be Elendil's heir. Therefore, if he sees a warrior doing something stupid like riding with a tiny force to the Black Gate and challenging him, Sauron, to come out, then that warrior has probably got the Ring on him. THEREFORE, Sauron will send EVERYBODY out of Mordor to go get it. Perfect explanation, provided by Tolkien --not used by Peter Jackson.
(8) When did hobbits, who Tolkien goes out of his way to describe as terrified of even the smallest heights, become expert climbers?
(9) The whole "Arwen is dying" thing. Although I can see how the scriptwriters sort of painted themselves into that one with the Arwen story as they made it up for TTT. You couldn't really have Elrond riding up to Dunharrow saying "You know, I wasn't going to help you save the world because I didn't want my daughter to marry you and die, but since she's chosen to be mortal whether I like it or not, uh, here's this sword." Speaking of which, Elrond can fight. If he's come all the way to Dunharrow, why doesn't he stay and help?
(10) Hopefully the extended DVD will explain where the horses go that the Lords of the West ride out to the Black Gate. Is it me, or did I miss something? They ride to Mordor on horses. Aragorn and company ride up and address the Gate on horses. They see the Orcs coming, ride back, and Aragorn gives his troops a rousing speech from the back of his horse. Cut away to Frodo and Sam, then cut back to Aragorn, who hears the Eye calling his name from the Tower, stands mesmerized for a bit, then looks back at Gandalf, and with a soft smile dedicates this charge into certain death "for Frodo", then turns and rushes at the enemy --on foot. His troops all yell and RUN after him. Where did the horses go? In the DVD, does a Nazgul sweep down and scare all their horses into throwing their riders and running off? And do the Orcs then give all their enemies time to say "D'oh!", dust themselves off, and reform ranks? Hmm.
And that's it. Still a great movie. I still cried the second time I saw it even though I've read the books a gazillion times and had just spotted a major continuity disaster. Sam in this film becomes the most like the Sam in the books and is fantastic. Elijah Wood's face is priceless. The effects and spectacles and all the bells and whistles are staggering. I loved Pippin's little song. I'm still going to go with my talking friend and see it for a third time as soon as possible.