there's a good movie in there somewhere!

Rating: Null/10 (2 January 2002)

(mild spoilers)
"the fellowship of the ring" has the unique quality of being both magnificent and unwatchable. every scene is filled with intense acting and an intriguing storyline, every frame filled with beautifully crafted scenery and perfectly designed characters. however, the film suffers from the same fate as a heroin addict: OVERDOSE. why do you think beautiful movie stars get divorces? because they get tired of seeing each others' perfect bodies all the time. thats how i felt by the middle of lord of the rings. i wanted to kill myself because i had seen way too much perfect crap. it was blinding and unbearable.
it seems obvious that this movie should have been cut in half; the first part being frodo's journey from the shire to the forming of the fellowship, the second being the journey from that point until the end. as it stands, the movie runs similarly to how "roots" would if it was condensed into 3 hours. the pace repeatedly shifts back and forth from "waiting for godot" to an episode of the teenage mutant ninja turtles. it's enough to make me nauseous, which it did. also, the music at the end sounds like that stupid song from "titanic."
"lord of the rings" left me jaded and annoyed. there's a good movie in there somewhere, but its virtually impossible to appreciate anything about it while being constantly bombarded with rapid scene changes and special effects. 5/10