Do Not Believe the Hype, Hated It, Hated it...**spoilers**

Rating: 5/10 (22 December 2001)

SO BORING
i never wanted to see this movie, and it was even worse than i thought.
we had time to kill. 3 hours, in fact. And killed they were.
Don't get me wrong, it was well made and really beautifull. It was the most well made piece of crap i've seen since Planet of the Apes. Or Titanic. God it was long. Looooooong. And boring. So...so boring.
I'm sure the books were better. They have to be. Did the book have character development? 'cause this didn't. Okay, Gandalf had character. Frodo had... the ring. Then there were 7 or 8 other guys who may or may not have names, i don't know. I don't care. Main characters died, and i didn't care.
Speaking of character, it's sad when the most interesting person in the movie is an inanimate object. And i think the director knew this, because there's a close-up of that thing every 5 minutes. Oh, there it is again! plain gold ring, wow, i had almost forgotten. Let's just say that if there was a drinking game in which you had to drink everytime someone pulls out the ring (ooooo..shiney!), and every time they show some goddamn huge goblin army, you'd be dead in the first hour. Maybe even before the title comes up.
To mix nerd metaphores, they come upon huge-ass goblin armies like Star Trek TNG came across temporal anomalies. Goblins, Gorgs, Grogs, whatever.
But it's all okay to a point. The introduction of people is fun, and everything's interesting until the actual 'quest' part starts. Then it's a lot of walking. For 2 hours. And there's this really lame wizard fight. It's laughable. I was giggling.
tell me why they can make a CGI mountain crumble in super-realism, but when an elf witch goes insane they resort to Bride of Frankenstein effects? Why can't i believe Hugo Weaving as anyone other than Agent Smith from the Matrix? Welcome to Rivendel, Mr.Anderson.
Right now the Internet Movie Database is listing this movie as the #1 of all time, and i'll tell you why. The fans go the first weekend. But once normal, non-virgins get sucked into the hype, this thing will drop, and fast. What the hell is wrong with the fans. Sure, i'm Anne Rice's bitch and i admit it, and i'll be in line for the opening of the Vampire Lestat (which looks pretty bad, too) but i'm not going to say that some movie made from a book i'm obsessed with is THE greatest film of ALL time. This was not, and don't believe anyone who tells you so. Not the best of all time, not the best of the decade, not the best of the year. Not even close. And is sure as hell is NOT better than the Godfather, the Shawshank Redemption, and Citizen Kane.
It's just one more "Why make a good movie when we can use computers in place of filmmaking!" movie. Do not believe the hype.