I Never Read The Book.

Rating: 6/10 (14 September 2008)

And this movie is as good an explanation as any. It goes on, and on, and on.
It's basically a 1-hour drama, that's been stretched into 3 by the simple expedient of drawing-out every detail. Unfortunately, most of them seem to exceed my attention-span, and I find myself constantly willing the thing to move on when instead it lingers, and lingers. On a face, on an expression, on a parting, on a re-union; every take is d-i-s-t-e-n-d-e-d as if in some kind of slow-motion celebration. Speeches are endless, verbose and largely uninformative. Revellations that could be made in a single line pour out as thickly and as gradually as cold molasses. This is exactly how I found Mr T's book.
The bottom line of any story is this: do we begin to care about the characters? Well, I certainly don't. I couldn't care a toss. They could all get swallowed-up by the evil-one with good luck and begone. And who needs to care about a wizard that is apparently immortal, but yet can't spot a double-cross from his own boss. Crikey; even I could see that one coming; it was Christopher Lee, for heaven's sake.
There is no arguing with the splendid camera-work and lighting. Likewise the special-effects and CGI are surely beyond criticism. Real and imaginary landscapes blend in a seamless testament to back-room creativity. The idea of a tiny all-powerful trinket is also very intriguing. But the endless meetings, the endless goodbyes, the endless battles, the endless monologues, the implausible mood-swings, the maudlin sentimentality, the shocked, staring, angry, knowing, expressions that linger, linger on, gobbling-up the celluloid and the precious moments of my life, and the sheer tight-arsed-ness of a movie that takes itself more seriously than its viewers, ultimately breaks my heart and has me reaching for the coffee pot.
Clearly, I am not a Tolkien fan. But I shouldn't have to be in order to enjoy this movie. Neither am I a fan of Alistair Maclean, but I still enjoyed 'Where Eagles Dare' & 'The Guns Of Navarone'.
There have been no less than 2 sequels, which I understand to be equally pompous and boring. Lord bless the name of Tolkien. I will never live long enough to see them.