A Disappointing Bore

Rating: 4/10 (14 August 2002)

OK, I'll grant that I'm not a big fan of fantasy. But I rented this DVD figuring, "I should try this. It got good reviews and is the granddaddy of all fantasy stories. It could change my mind." Sorr to LOTR fans, but if it wasn't for all the corporate hype and same jejune popular taste that elevated "Titanic" to best picture, one could see this for what it is -- big budget, high tech dreck.
First off, to give something an unusual name is not the same as building suspense by telling a story and foreshadowing the threat. Over and over again, the characters would say things like, "But we'll be crossing the flain of bizthwart, where the urbleks dwell!" In Drs. Seuss or Carroll, that technique is funny. Here it's supposed to be scary. Mostly it was lazy and incomprehensible. I didn't read the book, but I should still be able to follow the movie. To name a thing is not to know it.
The special effects were good, but when, really, aren't they nowadays? As the sorry arc of George Lucas' movies shows, good special effects can lead people to neglect character, plot, dialog etc. They sure did here. And the effects were often not well integrated into the story. They stood out as trying to wow you, like the scenes zooming down into the mines of the evil wizard etc. Often gratuitous.
Even with the special effects -- or maybe because of them -- ultimately the action scenes ended up being essentially boring. They just came one after the other with no build up, transition, tension, explanation. First one monster announced with a funny name, then another bigger badder one with another non-useful name, then an even bigger, badder mother, and then... You know how a sex scene in a movie can be erotic, but pornography is boring. Same effect.
And many of the battles were simply ridiculous. For example, the bad wizard breeds this army of evil, ugly, bad attitude super warriors. In a fight with the good guys, 50 or more of them are killed by one guy  chop, chop  like they were a group of blindfolded Quaker preschoolers. Fantasy, Sci-Fi, or any fiction is entitled to make up is own assumptions about the world, but then it has to follow though on the assumptions for the invented world to seem real. If you're not going to do that, why not just fly in Mighty Mouse and be done with it?
The dialog could be charitably described as wooden. Think of Al Gore in pointy ears, but without his panache.
And lastly, the movie just stops. No ending, it's just stops like they ran out of film or something. It's no defense to say that's how the book ends. So what? In a three hour movie, there was plenty of time to tell a whole story of some sort. Instead, the stoppage is simply a clear ploy to get all the ticketbuyers to come back in a year or so.
But not me.