Lord of the Bo-ring.

Rating: Null/10 (22 January 2002)

I usually dig these kind of stories. It's been about 15 years since I read the book so I went into the film needing and expecting some refreshing and fleshing out of the characters (which I assumed would happen based on the reviews).
Boy, was I disappointed - very, very disappointed. I may be the minority here, but I refuse to buy into the big marketing hype just because the studio has so much invested on the line here (can anyone say half-a-billion and not swallow?).
The film was way too long, the explanations too complex to keep track of (unless you'd recently read the books), the characters shallow and uninvolving and the action overly done and unrealistic. For example, the Ring Wraiths, truly fearsome creatures of the dead in the book, are easily disposed of by a human with his sword and torch. Or, how about a band of nine, including a dwarf, defeating a throng of thousands of Orcs who have recently decimated an entire city of fighting dwarfs? And Gandalf didn't even have to use his magic, relying on his sword and staff!
Subplot and character-wise, things were never fleshed out. While certainly picturesque, Arwen and Aragorn's bridge interlude explained nothing about why she was willing to give up her immortality for him save to say that they somehow knew each other before (hey, I know the book may go into more detail, but for viewers in the audience it was like -- what?).
And the geography made no sense. Though Frodor and gang had traveled for months through valleys, rivers, fields, over mountain tops, under mines, the new and improved Orcs seemed to catch up with them no problem.
I know it's fantasy, and movies, and things like that can usually slide by but...sheesh. It's 3 hours worth of letting things slide by waiting for a decent story. In fact, half-way through, the five people I was with unanimously wanted to leave -- I made them stay, hoping it would climax into something more. You can imagine their reaction to the ending.
When is Hollywood going to realize that cool (and they were ultra-cool) Special F/X don't make a movie. What's more amazing is how the studio marketing machine is able to ram this overbloated production down our (and the critics') throats -- and the sheeple buy into it! I'm sorry, but this film worked better than Tylenol PM -- and lasts just as long. ZZZZ... 1/5 Stars.