I'd rather have the Lord of all Ringworms...

Rating: 5/10 (6 January 2003)

...than watch this overrated guff again. Fair enough, I haven't read any of the books so I don't gain any pleasure from seeing a favorite fantasy bought to screen, but X-men, Batman, Superman, Spiderman and even the BBC television series "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe" have all shown how to adapt texts in a way that satisfies fans and newcomers alike, so why couldn't this? It felt like a rush job with the director hoping that we'd be so dazzled by the (admittedly striking) special effects and scenery not to notice the holes in continuity, the awful dialogue, convienient changes in character and lapses in logic. I'm more than willing to suspend disbelief, but this film didn't give me any reason to do it. Here are just a few reasons why
XXXXX Warning: Possible spoilers ahead XXXXXXXXXXX
Shields seem to be in such short supply in Middle Earth that all you need to win battles is a bow and arrow. Which begs the question, why use swords at all?
Why is it that the "super-orcs" were just as easy to dispatch as ordinary orcs? Why waste so much time showing their creation and leading us to think they would be a real challenge to the fellowship?
The fight with the rock troll was daft. I know Frodo was wearing magical chain mail but didn't he actually get spiked?
How can someone with Gandalfs intelligence not know that the inscription above the tunnel door was a riddle?
No one warned me beforehand that Frodo would look so much like a hairy-footed version of a young Michael Jackson (although Frodo is admittedly darker). I kept expecting the slain orcs to rise up and all start dancing in a tribute to thriller...
The warriors are arguing at full pitch round the table. And little Frodo quiets them with his high-pitched squeaking? Please.....
Like I said, those were just a few reasons. I think the worst thing about the film was that it didn't try hard enough to make me care enough about any of the characters. I can't fault the actors for this as it was clearly the material. Sean Bean's death should have meant something, instead it just led to me thinking about the merits of of projectile weapons over blades.
I will see LOTR2, but only because it can't be worse than this.