THE MOST AMBITIOUS FANTASY FILM EVER MADE

Rating: Null/10 (3 January 2002)

I liked RINGS, but here's where this review gets tough. Like many of you, I grew up with Tolkien's trilogy and it is now a deeply ingrained part of my brain's story lexicon. It's a classic tale and anyone who has read it will tell you that it's scope is probably unfilmable due to the density of the text. THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING is arguably the toughest book in the trilogy to make it through; it is very slow-paced for the first half of the book, and the whole story is filled with exposition that is absolutely vital in establishing the world and situations that Tolkien conjures up. In fact, his world is put forth in such exhaustive detail that the reader actually feels like they are in Middle Earth. Plus the history of this world is recounted in voluminous detail from many speakers with equally diverse agendas. This density would be impossible to get across on the screen without about seven hours of screen time. Every single character is fully rounded, and it takes many, many pages to establish their personalities.
The movie, which clocks in at just under three hours, does a laudable job of trying to squeeze in as much of the book as is humanly possible within the time allotted. The problem is, if you've read the book there are things that you will know are missing, some important and some not so important, yet it moves just as slowly as the book does until the Fellowship's mission actually begins. Since you really need to see every bit of the story, I don't recommend ingesting anything that will make you need to use the can, because you might miss something cool. The people whom I know who have not read the book seem to really love the movie, but the film comes off at times like a video game. It has a mission set up in detail, and once the adventure begins the characters move from one special-effects-laden cliffhanger to another with nary a moment to catch their breath.
I could go on like this, but instead I'll make notes of specific bits of interest (which are admittedly skewed toward those of you who have read this stuff):
1. The film is simply the most visually sumptuous fantasy story ever committed to celluloid. If you're going to do RINGS for the screen, you have to make the world of Middle Earth absolutely, 100% believable. They succeeded at this resoundingly. The varying sizes of the humans, dwarves, elves and hobbits is pulled off with no trace whatsoever of special effects gimmickry, and short of going location shooting in an imaginary place, it gets no better than this. 2. Notable omissions from the story: Tom Bombadil is completely written out (no surprise there), and as a result the adventures in the forest with Old Man Willow and the Barrow Wight are likewise out the window. Bill the pony's role is greatly reduced, and Sam's sorrowful parting with him in the film consequently makes no sense. Radagast the Brown is nowhere to found. Glorfindel has been excised completely and his role in getting Frodo safely to Rivendell now falls to Arwen. 3. Let me quell your fears about Arwen right now. She's onscreen for literally about five minutes, and Liv Tyler's weird looks work toward making her look convincingly Elf-like. She allegedly has a larger role in the next two installments, but she really doesn't have much to do with FELLOWSHIP. 4. Boromir's motivation is given only the slightest bit of mention, so when he suffers his crisis and redeems himself in a suicidal attempt to help his comrades, you won't give a shit. 5. Several of the more famous set pieces are executed brilliantly, and they made me feel like I felt when I read those scenes for the first time. Worth the price of admission: the history of the One Ring, the Mines of Moria, The Fellowship's battle with Saruman's new and improved Orcs. 6. Back to the Mines of Moria for a sec. This sequence alone was so good that I would have paid thirty dollars to see just it! This gets my vote as the greatest fantasy-movie battle scene of all time, and when the Balrog enters the fray you truly realize that all bets are off. And the Balrog. If I saw that thing coming at me in real life, I would die of primal terror, spontaneously re-incarnate and die again. DO NOT GET UP AND GOT TO THE BATHROOM DURING THIS SCENE. 7. For the ladies: the Fellowship is a parade of manly eye-candy, and from the reaction of the hetero females in the audience, Strider is the hands-down winner. 8. For you elf fans out there, Legolas is a triumph. A quiet, precise badass who will surgically remove you with his bow, he looks a bit like a wussy Jethro Tull refugee (which is entirely appropriate), but his inhuman skill is something to behold. 9. Everything that you've heard about Ian McKellen and Elijah Wood is true; they are Gandalf and Frodo. 10. Due to his love of the Hobbits' "pipeweed" and his perceived memory loss as a result, Gandalf can be seen as a pothead wizard. 11. Christopher Lee as Saruman the White. It's always a pleasure to see Christopher Lee, but this is the villain role that he was born to play. A subtle menace hangs over him, and when he finally reveals his true intentions, he is a guy who you simply do not want to mess with. 12. They (mercifully) did away with the songs.
So, my bottom line is this: if you go expecting the depth of the book, you are in for a bit of a disappointment, but if you go in with no preconceptions (and bear in mind that it is a three hour assnumbathon), you will see a beautifully crafted fantasy epic. Do not buy the claim that it is the best movie of the year though! That would be POOTIE TANG.