Haven't I seen this movie before?

Rating: Null/10 (22 December 2001)

You know, the movie where the story chops from action scene to action scene with little in between? Where there's lots of dark lighting and really quick camera moves to cover up inadequate scenery or costumes? Remember, the movie where bad things pop out from behind walls, and if you didn't already know the story you're completely lost after the first 15 minutes?
Look, I've read the book three times. The detail and rich textures that Tolkien describes are what make the story so interesting. To leave out so much information and film mostly orc-action because it sells well has turned the story to nothing we haven't seen before. All of the names for people, places, and things that Tolkien invented that convey a sense of completeness to Middle Earth are mostly missing here. Perhaps it's not possible to include them, you'd end up with a five hour movie instead of three. If that's the case, then I say, don't make the movie! When I learned that the whole two chapters that deal with Tom Bombidil were deleted, I wondered how the screenwriter would extricate the Hobbits from the Old Forest and the Barrow Wights. Easy, they're not there either. The beauty of Lothlorien is passed through within minutes, Bilbo's party looks to be one fourth as big as it should have been, and way too short. The movie speeds so quickly from scene to scene that there is no buildup of character for any aspect of the film.
Was anything good? The casting turned out better than I thought it would, though Frodo is supposed to be in his early fifties, not half that. The Elves are pretty good, John Rhys-Davies turns into a squat Dwarf through some movie magic, and Gandalf and Saruman suffice. Let's not even discuss the appearance of Arwen, who is mentioned in the book, has no lines, and only exists in the appendix, yet obviously will be a presence throughout the production. The Orcs look more like some guys who played a very muddy rugby game. They are far too humanized.
Hey, what happened to the good stuff? I got off track, which is what Lord of the Rings does quite nicely, it gets way off track from being a romantic story good versus evil and the reasoning behind it, and shows us mostly cowboys and injuns. I swear I saw an Imperial Stormtrooper flash by.