Why LOTR is LOCO

Rating: 3/10 (3 December 2006)

There is quite a bit of hype over The Lord of the Rings, much of which is undeserved. True, it is part of a grand epic saga, but it is one without much meaning or plot to hook the audience. Its storyline is the ordinary child's fantasy with horribly generic names like Mordor, and with clichéd battles between the upright, spiritual, and holistic medicine loving Elves against the horrible man eating Orcs. A lot of the dialogue is superfluous rambling reminiscent of TV channels like C-Span, endless back and forth bantering in language similar to that of Charles Dickens. To add to the three hours of pain is the lack of food for thought, there being absolutely nothing that can be contemplated, leaving one to either sleep, take a leak, or carefully count the number of chairs in the theatre. There is nothing terribly profound or meaningful in watching Humans and Orcs endlessly slaughter each other and then see the numerically and physically inferior humans triumph through random coincidences and occasional acts of clichéd bravery. The only saving grace about the whole series is the well choreographed action scenes with special effects and huge epic battles as cocaine for the eye. But even those are too sparse to save this wreck of a film.