Falls Short and Falls Flat

Rating: Null/10 (28 August 2005)

This was a mess from the get-go. Do yourself a favor,and when you do compare the two. First off,go by the nearest video store and rent the original version of Robert Aldrich's 1974 version of "The Longest Yard" and you'll know what the definition of "dumbing down" really means. What the producers did here was take the concepts of the original movie and they not only killed it,they butchered it. Totally. Just recently,Paramount Pictures has been doing this to a LOT of there classic movies and turning them into remakes that are totally bogus to why were they got to be remade in the first place. A prime example of this chaos was Micheal Caine's 1966 version of "Alfie",where as in the new version,the remake was played by Jude Law and the results were a disaster waiting to happen. This isn't the first time Paramount has done this to there classic movies,but instead of going by the original format,the producers did here was rehash the original storyline but updated it to present a new and bogus effect. You see a lot of this in soon-to-be-released upcoming movies between now and Christmas.
And now to "The Longest Yard",the 2005 version. This is a version or to say an update on the classic film that starred Burt Reynolds,whom from this film cemented his status as one of the biggest superstars of the 1970's. In the new version,Burt Reynolds is totally wasted as if he were going to asked the question...What in the hell and I am doing here in the first place? Also,in the starring role is Adam Sandler,who is totally miscast and miswasted(the village idiot)as Paul Crewe,and who knew that Sandler can played football is anybody guess. The rest of the cast consist of former NFL players,Wrestlers from the WWE and WWF,Sportscast announcers,and Hip-Hop superstar moguls who THINK they can act. And again,who told Chris Rock that he can act? Lets face it, Chris Rock can't act,period. He is the sidekick,the jester and above all else the guy who always gets his somewhere down the line. The only saving grace here is the villain roles especially by James Cromwell and William Fichtner respectively.
The analysis? When the original "The Longest Yard" came out in 1974,this was a serious movie with some very hilarious moments,and not to mention some serious acting from Burt Reynolds,Eddie Albert and Ed Lauter,who were in the prime of there careers,especially Reynolds who became a megastar overnight because of this movie. In the 2005 version,you get a movie that is between or veer between silliness and stupidity,and excessive and lurid violence. This was suppose to be thrown in for good measure but in all aspects that is a joke between the contests of supermacy between the Inmates and the Guards and win one for the gipper is way beyond the point of this movie. And with nothing but comments and humor about fat guy jokes,gay bashing jokes(check out the scene with SNL regular Tracy Morgan),redneck jokes,jokes about black people and the ghetto,and other lame lines along with some intense racist comments many of them are repeated twice. And from there its not funny. Moments were the hip-hop soundtrack and occasional burst of the music from the 1960's and 1970's are for the older crowd. In all it just falls flat. The worst of 2005.