'Yard' is Better Than I Thought It Would Be

Rating: 5/10 (28 May 2005)

First things first, the 2005 remake of 'The Longest Yard' is not as good as the original -- obviously. Now that's out of the way, this version of 'The Longest Yard' isn't that bad. I was expecting it to be pretty dreadful (mostly because most remakes of good movies are, and the critics really slaughtered it in their reviews). But, the 2005 updated version of 'The Longest Yard' isn't. It's actually pretty funny at times, but it isn't anything close to great. Yes, 'The Longest Yard' is what many people like to call a guilty pleasure, an entertaining and enjoyable movie with some good laughs, but nothing original or outstanding about it. Both my father and I enjoyed it, and if you like campy, silly and raunchy fun, I think you'll enjoy it too.
This remake actually follows the original pretty closely. It's about an ex-football quarterback, Paul Crewe (played by Adam Sander, once played by Burt Reynolds), who was banned from the NFL for shaving points in an important game. Crewe one night gets absolutely sh*t-faced drunk, and decides to take his rich girlfriend's sports car out for a night cruise. He's speeding like crazy, and is swerving all over the road. He eventually causes a major accident while being pursued by a dozen police cars, and is sentenced to three years in a crummy sleaze ball prison with redneck guards and dangerous criminals, for reckless endangerment. When Paul is asked by the warden of the prison (played by Six Feet Under's James Cromwell) to coach a football team consisting of prisoners to face the guards in a match, Paul refuses, but quickly changes his mind when the warden threatens him with 25 years in the prison instead of three. Paul puts together a football team consisting of very different inmates, with the help of his newly made friend, Caretaker (played by Chris Rock). The team is absolutely horrible, but Paul gets help coaching from a convict who was an ex-NFL coach, played by Burt Reynolds. During the course of the movie, they prep the team to not only be a challenge for the guards but beat them in the upcoming football match. The film also features William Fichtner as a cruel prison guard who is the star of the guard's football team, Cloris Leachman as the warden's elderly and horny secretary wanting to jump Adam Sandler's character's bones, Tracy Morgan as a prison drag queen, Wrestling's Goldberg and rapper Nelly as football players on the prisoners team, and Rob Schneider, in cameo, as the 'You Can Do It!' guy he seems to play in almost every Adam Sandler movie.
The film is usually pretty funny, but at times it seems as though it doesn't earn the laughs it expects. There is some very poorly written one-liners in the script, but besides that most of the film is witty. Adam Sandler is hysterical as Paul Crewe (taking a kind of different turn playing the role then Reynolds did in the 70s). Chris Rock is not as funny as I'd had hoped, and Burt Reynolds really needs to brush up on his acting skills (man, is he bad!). The supporting cast is pretty funny, especially SNL alumni Tracy Morgan, who steals every scene he's in. The writing is very average in quality, and directing is what's to be expected from this kind of film. Not all of the film is comedic though, there are some sentimental scenes (well they at least try to be) and one pretty sad scene in the film.
I was glad that this new version of 'The Longest Yard' stuck true to it's original for the most part, and didn't try to re-write key elements. Although 'Longest Yard' is enjoyable, I can't really recommend you going to see it in theaters. It's a good rental, but not really worth paying nine bucks for. Grade: C+ (screened at AMC Deer Valley 30, Phoenix, Arizona, 5/27/05)