Couldn't stand this movie.

Rating: 5/10 (1 February 2017)

Contains spoilers.
First, I'm a fan of quirky films, indie movies, and stuff that's generally non- mainstream (in addition to regular mainstream stuff like Star Wars or whatnot), so I was curious about this film from the trailer.
I get that this film is a satire about finding true love, including a host of other interesting ethical questions, but in doing so it tries to be as off-putting as possible, as if to say "only smart people will make it through this film." In essence, it's a pompous movie. I've seen plenty of smart, challenging films that don't insult the audience by showing how smart the director or writer is.
From the get go, you're going to be watching long-takes, which is fine, I love well-composed shots, except the shots and cinematography in this film are not particularly interesting nor well-composed.
You're also going to have to sit through a first hour of dialogue that's delivered so stilted (for the sake of satire) you'll wonder how these A-List actors could possibly be in a film that's acted worse than your first-grader's play.
The film opens up a little after the halfway point and becomes more human, but it took everything for me to make it through that first hour. I'm just riffing here, but every line sounds and is delivered about as thinly as it's written below:
"Would you like to have some tea?"
Awkward pause.
"Yes. I think I would like to have some tea. Thank you. That is very nice."
"You are welcome. I'm glad I can give you some tea that will make you happy."
"That is a very nice thing of you to say to me. I will remember that you are a kind person."
"At the hotel, here, we all try to be kind to each other. For if you do not have kindness, what else do you have."
Awkward pause.
"Yes ..."
Awkward pause.
"... That is true. Okay. Then. I think it will be good if we kiss now."
"Very well. How would you like your kiss?"
"I think on the lips. Thank you."
Awkward pause. They kiss for ten seconds.
"It was nice to kiss you."
"You are welcome. I will go now."
"Okay."
It was nearly impossible for me to make it through the first act, let alone the first half film. The writer and director were trying to be too smart for their own good and in turn try their best to alienate the viewers to show their intelligence. I love smart movies, just not ones that purposefully try to tick me off as a mode of emotional engagement.