Dysfunctional relationships are just so sweet and touching

Rating: 2/10 (16 April 2011)

I know I'm going to get death threats for this review from die hard Disney fans, but I don't care. The Little Mermaid is not my favorite Disney film. Sure, the animation is great and there are a few good songs in there, but that's all I have to say that is good about this film.
Before you harp on me saying "But Disney sells smiles and had to give this story a happy ending compared to the original tragic story", that is not the reason why I don't like this film. I think giving stories like The Little Mermaid a happy ending is hard to pull off, but it can be done. Just too bad the execution and lack of morals made this film hard to swallow.
The big beef I have with this film is the protagonist. Seriously, I really cannot stand Ariel. She's so much like Bella Swan from Twilight, that it's sickening. Ariel is superficial, spoiled, self centered, whiny, ungrateful and well, she's just about as smart as a door knob. Her dream is to have legs, but why? Because, having legs is cool and awesome and the new trend among mermaids. I know this is a family film, but that is not an excuse for cop out writing. If Disney gave her a more heartfelt reason why she wanted to be human, I would have liked this film some more.
As for Ariel being superficial, the only reason why she loves Eric is because he's handsome and a prince. Never mind that he's lazy, self-centered, vain, cocky, egotistical and downright idiotic, he's handsome, rich and famous, and that's all that matters. She even goes as far as giving everything up in life, so she can stalk him and be possessive of him, to the point where she throws a tizzy when he looks at people other than her. You know, if I were Eric, I wouldn't care if she lost her voice. I would ditch her if I were him. Partners who force themselves on you and get possessive of you aren't the good type of lovers. I don't care what Disney has to say about that.
As for Ariel being spoiled and ungrateful, she's rude to her family and friends, and treats her own family like a pile of garbage, yet her family and friends love her back. "But she's a teenager" isn't a valid excuse. Even teenagers who treat their family and friends like trash end up facing some punishment for their actions and mistakes. Hell, if I acted anything like Ariel to my family, they would have disowned me and send me to live on the streets. Well, Triton does try to punish her, but he regrets it later and lets her live out her wet fantasy of having a lazy and useless trophy husband.
Ariel's not being smart for selling her soul...I mean voice to the so-called "evil" sea witch Ursula. And why does she want this? Because her "cruel family" won't let her have a trophy husband from another world. Give me a break...
So to make the long story short, Ariel gets her wish, but then, Ursula makes herself pretty and seduces Eric. Instead of getting over it, Ariel gets possessive of Eric and stalls the wedding. But as she gains her voice, she becomes a mermaid and Ursula tries to turn her into a barnacle. But instead, Triton takes her place and a big battle ensures. Eric gets to do all the work while Ariel just cowers in a corner whimpering and crying. How sexist is that? I can see if this movie was made back in the 1940's, I'd be more understanding, but it was made in 1989. The same era She-Ra, Jem and other girl heroes came out. There's no excuse for Ariel to be a doormat.
So in the end, Ariel doesn't apologize to her family and friends, but they still give into her dream and she gets married right off the bat. They don't talk to her saying that she needs to know him better, because that would make sense. So Ariel gets married to Eric and has a child with him, at the age of 16! And he's an adult! No, that's not pedophilia at all.
In a nutshell, I can't believe this movie beat All Dogs go to Heaven and Little Nemo in the animation war of the 1980's. A film about a creepy, unhealthy and borderline dysfunctional relationship beating a couple cute, yet dark films about redeeming yourself (All Dogs go to Heaven) and conquering your fears (Little Nemo). The parental watchdog groups boycotted all Dogs and Little Nemo for being too dark and creepy, yet don't bat an eyelash to the diseased values in TLM?
Watch Little Nemo, All Dogs go to Heaven and The Dark Crystal to see what real family films are about. Sure, they have their dark and creepy moments, but they have likable characters and don't promote dysfunctional relationships.
Rating: ** out of *****