A Fat Epic of Paramount Boredom

Rating: Null/10 (5 December 2003)

As many others have pointed out, this movie is nothing more than Dances with Samurai -- it's the identical plot line. The sweeping vistas, the way too serious actors and the very decidedly 21-first century feel of Cruise's acting choices led the viewer down a familiar path to an expected conclusion culminating in a Braveheart battle that's just dripping in Kurosawa lore.
Tommy's character development is executed in hyper-reality from drunken lout to honorable Japanese-speaking samurai in 60 seconds.
What are the Samurai rebelling against?
History's door is slammed shut, locked, barricaded and rewritten.
And if Master and Commander, arguably a better film, never reached the coveted number one spot -- why should this trite film.
Furthermore it pointedly ignores romance to the shock of including a widow/ Tommy possibility. I will not tell you the 'twist' of their all-too-brief sub plot. One gets the feeling it was added-on in the eleventh hour.
And while we're on the subject, it is humorless to the point of distraction.

And lastly, who is this movie for? Certainly not the kids who do not acknowledge any film that doesn't unfold in these hip, modern times (sic). Perhaps it is just for movie geeks. The holiday season seems a strange time to release what feels like a summer epic.
Awwww. But there is genius behind the cinematography. So as a travelog I think it excells beyond any of their expectations. As a holiday offering -- no.