Brainless (SPOILERS)

Rating: Null/10 (11 January 2004)

SPOILERS.................... Tom Cruise stars, though one could easily imagine the movie built around Jean-Claude Van Damme. The actor gives his flattest performance in years as a one-time Union hero who, in the film's early innings, inexplicably has turned to a life as an alcoholic sideshow performer. Despite the sorry state of his life, Cruise's character is the first guy the US government looks to when a lucrative arms deal with Japan presents itself. Please don't plan on using your brain if you are going to try and enjoy this flick. Now, in order to enjoy a film like this, you have to let several things go. First, that Algren, who has spent a considerable amount of time in the bottom of a bottle, could not only take on several samurai at once, but actually survive for more than a millisecond in order to be taken captive. Second, that in the six months of his captivity, he could go from all-American rifleman to Bruce Lee as far as martial arts are concerned. Finally, that almost everyone speaks English. It is possible to get past them, though, if you really, really try.