Dances with cherry blossoms (possible spoilers)

Rating: 4/10 (10 June 2004)

Quick plot synopsis: Tom Cruise plays Nathan Algren, a captain in the US cavalry and a veteran of the civil war and various campaigns against the Plains Indians. At the start of film, we find him in San Francisco in 1876, tormented by guilt over his participation in the massacre of a Cheyenne village, a torment which he is trying (in vain) to drown with alcohol. He is approached by Omura (Harada), a minister in the Meiji government of Japan, to help train the new Japanese conscript army to defeat a rebellion by traditionalist samurai, led by a daimyo named Katsumoto (Watanabe). Over Algren's objections, Omura throws the troops into battle prematurely, and the first engagement results in a rout for the Imperial troops. Algren, despite putting up a spirited resistance, is captured by Katsumoto's samurai. He is transported to Katsumoto's fief, which is soon isolated by the onset of winter. During his captivity, Algren comes to learn and appreciate the ways of the samurai, and becomes sympathetic to Katsumoto's cause. The spring brings an attempt at rapprochement between the government and Katsumoto, but when diplomacy breaks down (due to treachery by Omura), Algren sides with Katsumoto for the climactic battle between the traditionalists and the reformers.
Let me state that, in many ways, "The Last Samurai" is a magnificent film; the acting ranges from adequate to excellent, the cinematography is fabulous, the production values are top notch, and the scenery is nothing short of stunning. So why did I hate it?
First and foremost, the script is an exercise in one-sided stereotypes. Katsumoto and his samurai are without exception loyal, brave and true, not to mention honourable and selfless, desiring only to serve the best interests of the emperor and people of Japan. Perish the thought that they might be fighting to retain a feudal system in which they are on top of the heap, free to lord it over farmers, craftsmen and merchants, i.e. those who had to actually work, not only to provide for their own upkeep but for that of the daimyo and his samurai as well. How committed the warrior caste was to serving the people may be divined from the almost 3,000 peasant revolts which took place between 1590 and 1867, with increasing frequency and violence. The samurai are portrayed as disdaining guns as "dishonourable." For "dishonourable" read "allows a mere commoner to easily kill a samurai"; can't have that. But since such historical facts would get in the way of Logan and Zwick's glorification of the samurai, so no mention is made of them. As a result, it never occurs to Algren that the only reason his captors consider him worthy of even an opportunity to win their respect is because they know him only as a warrior, and that if they knew he was merely (in their book) an upstart farmboy, their attitude would likely be less friendly.
To ensure maximum contrast with the noble samurai, their opponents are portrayed as having no redeeming features whatsoever. Omura and his henchmen are only interested in acquiring wealth and power, and are prepared to wade through the blood of innocents to achieve this. Omura even hints at plans for Japanese expansionism and the consequent need to match military power with the West; with this, he is simply reduced to a cardboard cut-out 1940s Hollywood "Jap." Of course, Omura is not a samurai, and therefore lacks their sense of honour. That the rulers of Japan, samurai included, had envisaged the subjugation of East Asia since the late Middle Ages (if not longer) is, again, conveniently ignored. Omura's American associates are similarly ruthless in the pursuit of riches, and more uncouth to boot. The Imperial cabinet and troops are either thugs or dupes (who realize the error of their ways only when it is too late). Obviously, nobody could really benefit from rejecting feudalism(!)
Stereotyping aside, the script strains the viewer's (or at least, *this* viewer's) willing suspension of disbelief to the breaking point. Within a year, Algren has defeated his drinking problem, learnt to speak almost fluent Japanese, and has not only mastered the katana, but even manages to defeat multiple opponents while using two full-length swords. As students of martial technique (and role-playing geeks like myself) will know, the technique of fighting with two swords was reportedly developed in the early 17th century by the near-legendary swordsman Miyamoto Musashi, who coined a number of names for it before settling on Niten Ichi-Ryu ("School of Two Heavens"). Also according to popular culture, none of Musashi's students (life-long samurai) could master it, and the technique died with its creator. Nevertheless, it seems to come naturally to Algren.
Throughout the film, it takes at least three bullets to slow down any given samurai, and another three to actually kill him. For major characters like Katsumoto, Nobutada or Algren, the number is much higher. If that were realistic, one wonders why the Tokugawas were ever concerned about matchlocks; even breech-loaders should have posed no major worries.
A host of ninja sent to assassinate Katsumoto fail mostly due to their complete failure to observe anything resembling stealth, supposedly their trademark. And, true to Hollywood, each shuriken thrown results in a guaranteed kill at 30 metres, whereas in actual fact, ninja would generally use shuriken not as a killing weapon, but to provide "suppressing fire." A ninja would throw a bunch of shuriken at pursuers, forcing them to seek cover while the ninja made his escape; any actual hits were an added bonus.
Finally, at two and half hours, the film just collapses under its own weight. Even before the "climactic" battle, each drawn-out samurai death was met with cries on my part of "Just f*cking DIE already, you parasite!" When you find yourself rooting against the protagonists, it's not a good sign. On top of all that, the ending is just too ludicrous for words. By all means, watch "The Last Samurai" for the eye candy (and Billy Connolly), but do not take it seriously.