There won't be blood.

Rating: 3/10 (4 May 2008)

I was vaguely aware of this as a recent release when I pulled the DVD from the local library, and approached it without expectations when I fired up the disk player. I realized in the first three minutes that this was no "I Claudius," but stayed with it out of curiosity.
The film clearly targeted 12 year-old boys, but had real trouble finding its audience. First, the hero appeared to be 9 or 10, an age 12-year-olds view with disgust. Why would they go see anything with their little brother in it? The attempt to project a puppy love interest to this audience, in the form of an introduction to a young Ygraine, would also make 7th grade flesh crawl. All of the violence pulled punches, with impalings, amputations, and clubbings yielding no blood and polite collapses and closing of eyes of the victims.
The Goths looked like Oakland Raiders fans, and further confused the audience by not wearing black raincoats or pale make-up like the more familiar Jr. High Goths. When unmasked, the villain Vortgyn looked like Willie Nelson the morning after a deep dive in Whiskey River.
Everyone in the film appeared to be aware how dire the project was, but did their best to hide their embarrassment. I'm sure they had words with their agents later.
The movie's best point was its relative brevity--no attempt to persuade the audience that it was getting its money's worth by stretching things out to three hours. But then, this movie didn't end so much as set up a sequel. As the old joke goes, there must have been days on the set of "1941" that they looked forward to "1942." In the final analysis, this appeared to be a European shot at a Hollywood-style formula picture. The Europeans used to be pretty good with sword and sandals epics if the budget stayed low. But this attempt at a Gladiator-meets-Lord of the Rings hybrid falls flat at every turn. Going forward, I'll keep my eye out for Doug Lefler. I'm sure he as several bad films in him before producers force him to fall on his sword.