Blisteringly Fast Caper Movie.

Rating: 6/10 (10 November 2010)

This is one of those movies in which a car rarely starts from a standing position without burning rubber. And, as far as I could tell, there wasn't a single U turn in it. If the driver wants to reverse his direction, he (or she) simply spins it around in a sort of pivot. Not to give the driving team too much credit. The three principal cars are souped-up Mini Coopers of different colors and must be easier to pivot than, say, a greyhound bus or an earth mover.
There's no need to spell out plot details. A team of half a dozen or so "professionals" pull off a spectacular heist of some 35 million dollars in gold bullion in Venice, Italy. I believe Venice was chosen as the location because it gives the film makers a chance to shoot sizable speedboat violating all the traffic rules on the narrow canals of the city. The boats chase one another at high speed, upsetting gondolas, smashing fishing docks, shooting through the air over obstacles, sinking battleships, and whatnot. Except for the police boats that seem to run in circles, I couldn't figure out who was chasing whom or why. It hardly matters. The point is the chase per se.
The professionals meet on some Alpine mountain top to savor their success, with their mentor, Donald Sutherland, presiding over the proceedings. The young leader is Mark Wahlberg. Lamentably, there is a traitor in their midst, the freaky looking, mustachioed Edward Norton. He kills Sutherland and does his best to knock off everyone else.
But they outwit him and survive, tracking this new multimillionaire back to his sumptuous lair in Southern California, home to many sumptuous lairs. They recruit Charlize Theron, Sutherland's daughter and now a security expert, in their attempt to steal the gold back.
Norton, being nobody's fool, twigs to the arrangement and tries to foil their plan. The plan, by the way, involves a good deal of that impossible high tech stuff that appears only in movies like this. Their computer expert hijacks -- is that the word? -- hijacks the entire traffic light system of Greater Los Angeles as well as the subway system. Not only didn't I realize that these things could be hacked, I didn't even know Los Angeles now has a subway system for the little people. All of this leads to another, even more monumental chase, with the Mini Coopers zipping around on streets, sidewalks, subway tracks, and the ever-popular Los Angeles River like three cockroaches, pursued by a black helicopter and some expendable motorcycles.
The acting, what there is of it, isn't objectionable, except that when the good guys finally corner the villainous Edward Norton and confront him with their victory, they smirk abominably. That's the director's fault, not the actors'. And certainly not the actress's. Charlize Theron, former ballerina, is seen drilling a particularly difficult safe. She should feel at liberty to drill any of the many safes in my possession. I love ballerinas. Charlize, O moon of my delight, I'm easy to reach. I'm a dancer too. I was once seen doing the froog. And I'm deliciously witty and gay, especially drunk. And my Mom and Pop have been known to kvell over my impression of Kirk Douglas.
I will happily grovel before you and will ask only this in return: Try in the future to appear in movies in which the pattern exhaustion isn't so evident. Thank you, dear.