Love to have been there for the pitch meeting...

Rating: 4/10 (6 November 2005)

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Michael Bay and have I got a pitch for you! Picture if you will Brave New World meets The Getaway. We'll get two hot bodies, doesn't matter who, say for example Ewan McGregor and whoever was buzzing at Sundance this year. Throw in a little comic relief via, oh, I don't know, Paul Giamatti or if he is busy, Steve Buscemi. And of course my trademark big-budget, quick-cut action scenes.
Get this, clones, right? They are being harvested for organs like in Coma, only they don't know it because we can build a CGI city for them better than Logan's Run. The male clone figures out what's up from a construction worker who works outside the dome, enter Buscemi. Bing bang boom, he takes the female lead--ooh, what is Scarlett Johansen working on, loved her in Coppola's thing--and they escape into the real world. We put in a guns and guards chase scene so people won't ever realize the plot is weak. Just like I did in Armageddon.
Like Baldwin and Basinger, who were much hotter than McQueen and McGraw, we put our "actors" in race cars and do a Matrix-like chase scene for the last half of the movie. I'll get some of those Jewish comedy guys to drop in a couple witty comments about the state of the world, and see if those Wachowski guys are busy... oh they won't work with me? Whatever.
So we finish with some slam-bang action, happy ending, blah blah blah. Any chance we can get Scarlett Jo to take off her top? No? Doesn't matter, we'll do the white Lycra thing and guys will go nuts anyway. By the way, any chance we can get Ashton? Didn't think so...