No news from Michael Bay

Rating: 2/10 (24 August 2005)

I cannot grasp how anyone can claim that this movie is "Michael Bay's first intelligent movie". There is nothing intelligent in it. The first half hour is promising - but suddenly Michael Bay notices the total absence of explosions. Enter: action, explosions, chases, special effects, fast editing and one-liners. Exit: the script, a believable story and the respect for the viewers intelligence.
This movie is just a horrible waste of money and time. The only thing worth mentioning is the cast. Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johansen, Djimon Hounsou, Sean Bean and Steve Buscemi try their best to make their lines work but they are left clueless by bad directing, bad editing and most of all a horrendous script.
I am puzzled how this script got approved - if there ever was a script? The plot holes in the script are of gigantic proportions and I assume that any intelligent person reading a script with those kind of plot holes would spot them instantly. I mean, you can park a dump truck in most of them. Let's look at a couple.
* The clone project cannot be subject to any kind of government control since it has been possible to break the very basis of the clone law - the clones are not kept in a vegetative state. When you consider the controversy of cloning now and probably also in 2019 I find this very hard to believe.
* It is pure bullshit that organs cannot function when people are kept in a vegetative state. It is possible to keep your body alive and thus all organs functioning for decades even though you're braindead. Remember Terry Schiavo?
* The clone project has been kept a secret even though thousands of real people work there. It is fair to assume that when you have that kind of secret and that kind of people knowing it, that it would leak to the press at one point.
* Why on earth would you build an outside staircase that leads directly to a tile in the floor in the very hallway where you murder the clones? No guards, no obstacles. Why would you build such a thing - unless you want the clones to see that you are actually killing them.
* How could no one in a crowded hallway notice that a tile in the floor was misplaced? For crying out loud - there was a big black hole in a white floor.
* With that kind of money invested in the project, it is quite strange that it is so easy to escape for Lincoln and Jordan. I mean, when you have a 200 billion dollar budget, shouldn't you be able to afford a few guards, maybe even a gate and a fence?
* Why did Lincoln have to throw train axles off of the truck? Michael Bay could have chosen any huge metal objects - but instead he went for the one thing it couldn't be: train axles. Minutes before we just learned that trains in 2019 hover using magnetism. Idiot.
* Why didn't the truck driver notice that he was being shot upon and was losing his entire load of train axles? How is that possible that you don't notice that your truck is going from weighing 50-60 tons to just 10 tons? Impossible.
* How was Lincoln able to both drive a car and a wasp (the airborne motorcycle)? He has no experience whatsoever. Oh, you're saying that those experiences originate from the real Tom Lincoln. Bullshit. How come Lincoln the clone didn't know anything about stopping at red light, sex, kissing, etc. - the sorts of thing you as a person stacks up in the experience department? Actually Michael Bay is saying: "Lincoln Six Echo just got the part of Tom Lincolns experience that I (Bay) thought he should use in the movie".
* The Djimon Hounsou character suddenly becomes a good guy after he had no second thoughts shooting half of L.A. to shreds. Oh yeah, sounds believable.
I really could go on - I still have a dozen plot holes - but I think you get the picture. In short: this movie stinks.
The two stars it gets from me is one for Scarlett Johansen's stunning looks and one for the first half hour before Michael Bay literally blew everything up - including the movie itself.