Unfortunately, what I expected

Rating: 1/10 (31 December 2005)

I actually heard this film was good. When you search the dictionary for the word or words that best describe over budget, plot less, bloated, shallow, hollow, and pretentious Hollywood movies, Michael Bay takes a full page spread. His films are full of clichéd, ripped off ideas with the editing and camera-work of a ferret on a double espresso. I had the misfortune to see The Rock theatrically and found it well written but a directed mess. I gave him credit for some style in Armageddon but found it the most ludicrous story ever conceived by man (and it cost how much?). I like pure action films as much as the next person, but half the time, I can't even make out what is happening in a Bay film. BUT I heard this one was better. I trusted Ebert's review. I may actually like this one... ...Thankfully my fears were dashed... ...Its bad. First there is a concept that falls apart with even the slightest amount of logical thought. As many reviewers here have pointed out, the concept of the film is so deeply flawed that it jars me out of enjoying the rest of the movie. It simple won't work. But what bothers me the most is the action. This is why we come to a Bay film. Then why is it such a mess? Once again the cuts are too fast and shake too damn much. I can't make out what happens 30% of the time. The stunts are good and some of the crashes are pretty. I didn't spend two hours watching this films for 30 seconds of stunt work. It forces participants in battle to act like morons.
If the Wasp can fly around, why is it skimming the ground and approaches the truck bed from a blind spot? Why doesn't the truck driver notice this mayhem and stop. I assume it's automated. Okay...I'll give you that one.
What is the truck carrying? Train wheels. I'm sorry, didn't we see trains moving WITHOUT wheels 20 minutes earlier? Sure...Maybe "freight" trains still have wheels, but we all had a laugh at that one.
And this wasp barrels through a building and bursts out the other side. Given the strength of Earthquake proof outer windows, even if they could crash through the other side, they would not drop "straight" down onto the big sign. Then the Helicopter spins around and gets SOOO close that the signs falls on it, destroying the helicopter. And no human being should survive that fall. Convenient net or no convenient net, they are dead.
And how does this action scene begin? With a police car being cut in two by an armored truck. Notice something? Why did the police car stop in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! There were no cars in front of it. It wasn't turning. What the hell...its only there for on rea--or here comes the truck.
Hmm...The police cars were all Dodges. The bad guys all drove Magnums. Is that the Cadillac super car? I cannot stand the obvious product placements. When there is an extended shot of an Aquafina bottle, I wonder how much they paid. A Utopian society with Xboxes? Yeah, I'll take it.
And if the subjects need to be alive and conscious to have their organs viable, why don't they clone pigs with human organs? Sound disgusting? Their developing it, folks.
Didn't realize Lincoln could imitate a perfect Scottish accent after hearing it for 20 minutes. And I love Djimon Hounsou but his sudden turn to good at the end is dumb. Its sudden and totally unrealistic given his openness to kill anyone else he saw. Jordan's on a swing set...gets captured instead of killed. Okay...they need her organs. Didn't bother frisking her. That's smart. They are being chased through a door. Lincoln closes the door...Oh, a convenient pipe to wedge the door. I should send that to Ebert. "The convenient pipe brace." They hop on the Wasp and Lincoln figures out how to fly it. A 20 second learning curve with someone with the IQ of a fifteen year old. Hop on a bike if you have never ridden a motorcycle. Figure it out in 20 seconds...now make the bike fly. They chase them with armored cars and dodge station wagons. After they are all destroyed, they call in the flying bikes...NOW they call in the flying bikes. Pulling on a single lever destroys the holographic generator. Good to know these people don't make nuclear reactors. And how did any of these guys imitating police get away. I mean...
...I really gave this film a chance, folks. I thought I might actually like it. After 20 minutes...I wasn't getting that vibe yet. Michael Bay needs to understand that more and more people are demanding some intelligence in their movies, even in the action genre. What bothers me here is that The Island could have done that. It had the potential. Some foresight could have made the action more cohesive, more comprehensive. The story could have plugged its holes. The actors...so good...and they will be good again. This film failed at the Box Office...badly. I hope this is a message to Bay and the people that finance him that viewers demand a higher quality from their films. Bay needs to step up, or step aside. Pearl Harbor, Armageddon...they made money, but I don't know a single person who likes them. I know many of you do. Maybe there is an audience for Bay films. I am not part of that group. I am proud not to be. Moving on.
(It should be noted the day I saw Armageddon was the dame day I saw Out of Sight with Clooney and Lopez, directed by Sodderberg. After watching 'Geddon, I realized I wanted to see Out of Sight again. Big budget, a good movie does not make)