Plodding, shallow, derivative

Rating: 1/10 (3 December 2019)

There is no new insight or revelation here. The movie is essentially a docudrama, except the main character's story is a fabrication -- a dying man's lie created from whole cloth, perhaps to gain the notoriety or respect he lacked as a younger man. Sad that such great talents were wasted on this drivel. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story? Perhaps, but then bring a good story. The only way this story would be satisfying is if it were true, but with that possibility removed, there's nothing left worth watching at all, let alone for 3.5 hours.
Much has been written about the anti-aging technology. It's all true. It was a waste of money and ineffective, and half the time it feels like watching a video game cutscene. If older men could carry themselves as younger, they would. Old people don't move stiffly because it's fun, or because they're lazy. They do it because they're old and they can't help it. DiNero, Pacino, and Pesci are old now, and wearing young masks doesn't change that. Fortunately everybody's just sitting around for 80% of the movie, otherwise it would be even harder to ignore.
I have to assume most of the high ratings are due predominately to the current fad for nostalgia. Watching some of the best actors of their time in this piece feels a lot like watching Stranger Things. Once you get past the trip down memory lane, you realize it's just a collective reminisce that won't stand on its own down the road. It works only because of what came before it, and without that, it's nothing.