Fantasies of a Wannabe Hit-man

Rating: 1/10 (2 December 2019)

Based on the rest home recollections of a geriatric former gangster, 'The Irishman' adds another long-winded chapter to Scorcese's collection of mob potboilers. As far as authenticity is concerned, Frank Sheeran was renowned for being a liar and drunk - and neither his former associates nor FBI investigators believed his boasts of being a mob hit-man. Instead they remember him as a minor thug who would never have been entrusted with serious matters like the claimed killing of his pal Jimmy Hoffa. In the film's far-fetched version of this notorious crime, Hoffa's son observed Sheeran as the last person in his father's company, but somehow this goon never appeared on the FBI's radar as a suspect.
An elderly De Niro is unconvincingly rendered into youthful middle age by CGI, as Scorcese trudges through Sheeran's catalogue of imaginary murders with the energy of an accountant filling out a tax return. The actor pastes a stone-faced 'tough guy' expression on his face as his crime boss (Joe Pesci) instructs him to eliminate rats and rivals in obscure code phrases such as "painting houses". This jargon was also invented by Sheeran in order to make him look like an insider, although the Gotti tapes revealed genuine mobsters use simpler terminology like: "Whack the bum".
The film's final act depicts Sheeran in an elder care facility, revealing the retired hoodlum as an empty husk, devoid of empathy or insight. 'The Irishman' is just as formulaic as the superhero schlock Scorcese has recently criticized, but the Oscar babble is already deafening. The only question raised by this tired movie is why a veteran film-maker remains fascinated by the violence, cowardice and greed of these dismal lowlifes.