Folly Green Giant

Rating: 1/10 (17 September 2008)

For all the CG brute force on display, this is one lame flop-along of a flic. The same constructs we've seen in dozens if not hundreds of other movies are rehashed, and why? Because what can you really do with a raging bullfrog on steroids? A second, even bigger, bullfrog? A Dr.Jekyll & Mr.Hyde meets Beauty & the Beast in stretchy pants? The thinking man's King Kong on a self-help quest? They just can't help but fall back on the same clichés and feeble structure with good ol' time-warps to fast-track to the climatic fight scene -and prep it up for the sequel before rolling the credits. Depravity is when you have a super-bezerking giant on a havoc-spree toned down to pg-13. One-liners as motives for us to swallow; "You don't deserve the power!" and so much homage-fromage as filler, it's downright cannibalistic.
Cheesy hilights...
Two-dimensional bad-ass co-workers, what would heroes do without them? The babe they harass comes across as a cowering doe, nothing wrong with that I guess...
Overnight the Hulk runs from Rio to Guatemala, that's more or less from New York to Alaska. But he panhandles/walks the rest of the way home...
General-Colonel-whatever, answers to no one, heads his own shop for years on end, runs a military op in Brazil, on university grounds, NYC, no inquiries, no hell to pay, nada...
'Stanley' (clever, eh) the pizza-place... every home-coming-hero-on-the-run has one, older guy with a spare room upstairs, money to lend, keeps a tab on everyone- Banner; Is she seeing someone..? Stanley; "He's a head-shrink. They say he's one of the best(sic).. but a really nice guy..." (thank-you, Stanley..)
Bribing a security guard with a free pizza to not catch hell for a non-delivery on a pizza? Bribing another guy in the computer lab with second pizza..? How gullible and gluttonous and famished and broke must regular folks be made out to be...?
Betty's tag-along setup - "Well, at least let me walk you to the station."
Swallowing the disk-on-key before turning into the Hulk, how would Banner know the Hulk's stomach juices wouldn't dissolve or at least ruin it?
Of course the Hulk can't outright kill any foot-soldier, his rage is against machinery, movie-taboo exception would be anyone within contraption such as the helicopter crew...
Pawning a necklace to buy a second-hand pickup and pay for gas, they abandon the wheels because of roadblocks into NYC and then pay off some other guy to ferry them across... and then pay some maniac cab-driver for another, mindless, hi-speed sequence...
Abomination swatting all them blind pedestrians- blind because they're impervious to his standing there, his motive; looking for a real fight... soldiers trying latest shoulder-missiles, they don't work so they drive in reverse till they bump into pile-up, cab driver (must be that same maniac) drives right into 12' monster, fear-stricken soldiers stay in place while Abomination goes 'give me a real fight' before slamming cab into them...
The helicopter crash-lands into the church ruins, but try as they might to get out, an unconscious/dead soldier is propped in the only opening so that Betty exasperates in her struggle to escape as the fuselage catches fire (only for Hulk to hand-clap it out)...
For all the violence they inflict one on the other, and for all their super-strengths, it's an indestructible chain that allows the Hulk to subdue Abomination. And it's Betty that stops the Hulk from killing him, he's vanquished, right, so just let him be...they'll super-handcuff his ass to a super-cell till the sequel...
Every such finale must entail a crowd, no matter how preposterous for people to show up.
Hulk departs a la Spidey minus cobwebs...
aaga-gaga-gaga...