It makes you go awww, but it's awwwful!

Rating: 1/10 (6 December 2006)

Maybe I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning because I "went" to bed with this awful movie in my head.
On the surface it's one of those sweet things that make people go awww, but it immediately evokes a feeling that you've overdosed on unrefined cane syrup.
Cameron Diaz acting is pretty awful. In her first scene she is so unbelievable that you feel she must have just read the script and wondered why she said yes.
Ed Burns tries to turn in a nice job opposite her, but maybe it's because it's his only scene in the film and he knows he can leave and be home in time to watch Dancing with the Stars.
There's a Mexican gardener who gamely tries to mug a couple laughs from us while Ed & Cameron battle. I didn't.
Then the writer/director (Nancy Shyer) must've gotten bored with this because we then go to England where Kate Winslet is pining after Rufus Sewell at a Christmas party. She's warned to stop this, but she gets him in the office and gives him a gift anyway and then they call him out to tell everyone he's just gotten engaged.
Kate is really sad.
Her friend tells her she's pathetic, but I thought the friend really said the script was pathetic.
I guess Nancy got bored with this story, too, so she takes both stories and wonders what would happen if these two women change places. I was wondering who cares.
Through some awful expository writing (ACTUAL writing!) these women decide to switch houses for a week. Or two weeks, or three weeks. The time-line is never quite clear. It felt like three years. But they leave the very next day. How one arranges this without knowing the other person might be a terrorist--so trusting!
They travel halfway round the world to someone else's house and, of course, people are surprised cause I guess they forgot to tell ANYONE they were doing this. It being Christmas and all, you just up and leave and tell no one.
Cameron is surprised by Jude Law who was surprised he was in the movie at all, but decides to gamely make a go of it. Later we find out he has children and is a widower, excuse me, a w-i-d-o-w-e-r, I guess they'd get an R rating if he didn't spell it. But it does not seem to matter he has a really nice house and is a book editor in London, cause all he seems to do is drink at a pub 40 minutes out of London and sleep over at his sister's where Cameron is staying.
Cameron is angry at all the men of the world, but when Jude Law comes knocking I guess you'd forget about all that. I know I would. But she tries to leave. The director must've reminded her she's under contract, cause even though she tries to leave a few more times they keep dragging her back.
Kate has the unfortunate experience of running into Jack Black, who tries to be un-annoying by being sweet and funny and composing music. He isn't.
Kate also decides to take Eli Wallach under her arm, even though she seems not to care at all what his name is. Eli apparently liked playing the old writer character he played on Studio 60, so he plays it again in this film.
Even though the place Kate is staying in has a library full of DVD's, this guy makes her go to a video store, so Jack can improvise a sketch and Dustin Hoffman can make a cameo appearance.
Eli keeps bemoaning the state of Hollywood these days and I was, too, watching this dreck. But that doesn't stop the Writer's Guild wanting to fête him at a ceremony in the Pasadena Playhouse--I guess the Writer's Guild Theatre didn't even want anything to do with this script.
Apparently Kate had time to decorate her house for the holidays before she took off, but Cameron didn't even put up one piece of tinsel, so when Jack Black suddenly exclaims it's Christmas Eve and they should make Christmas Fettucine to eat, while he composes music that was already written by John Williams, it's kind of jarring.
Apparently the very next day they have Christmas dinner in an overcrowded sushi restaurant, with Jews I guess, and then the very next day is Christmas again when Rufus Sewell appears in a heavy coat with a gift for Kate. Even though Nancy has told us it's hot and the Santa Ana winds are blowing--she says ANYTHING can happen, and in this movie that is apparently true--even if it doesn't make any sense.
It's also apparent Rufus did this film for a free trip to L.A. When Kate realizes this, I was really glad he could get out of there and remove the coat.
Everything seems to work out all right, though. Cameron, who hates men, decides to stay in London with a womanizing widower and two annoying children and Kate and Jack Black join them all for a really festive New Year's Eve. Meanwhile, the WGA has scheduled a tribute to Eli Wallach in the middle of the holiday season where only paid extras who smile lovingly at him show up.
Nancy seems to have no idea this movie was way too long for anyone's interest. Someone must've told Nancy for a romantic comedy it was low on the comedy, so she decided to edit faux trailer segments into it cause that's what Cameron does as a job in the film.
I hear tell that even Nora Ephron was running up and down the aisle after the screening yelling "See? 'Bewitched' wasn't THAT bad."
I have to agree!