Feels More Like a Theme Park Attraction Than a Trip to Middle Earth

Rating: 6/10 (22 December 2013)

Guess what this middle Hobbit has a distinct lack of (see title)? Setting the inherent issue of spreading a 350-page book into nine hours aside, this installment falls, to quote, "utterly short." Though An Unexpected Journey was nothing if not flawed, there were certainly high points that could ring well with the right set of mind. Unfortunately, there's a distinct lack of effort to help its sequel stand out, other than the looks and pedigree of its predecessors.
Being a mid-point movie, The Desolation of Smaug has the disadvantage of no real beginning and ending; though the opening scene does a fair job setting the stage and getting us back on track. Beyond that, it's a long, rough ride. The movie feels like it's going from scene to scene while doing little to leave an actual impression. Technically a lot of ground is covered, but this journey wears you out due to the runtime, as opposed to the impact of its scenes.
Many of the film's key moments (action) feel more like theme park ride attractions. In fact, shortly before the film's abrupt ending, I found myself thinking, "this is a three-hour pitch for a Middle Earth theme park." Speaking of key moments, the more serious points are always short-lived and tough to feel invested in. Why? Because this movie tends to have such a comical overtone, whether intentional or not, that the few seemingly dark points come off as out of place. The absence of blood during scenes where orcs upon orcs are slain only makes the entire movie feel more like a Saturday morning cartoon.
Then there's the part everybody wants to see: Smaug. The build up for this movie rests entirely on the last half-hour to forty-five minutes, where the dragon is woken up in a gold mine of a city. Not only that, but the dragon has a voice (Benedict Cumberbatch, no less). How is this entire sequence? Think back to how the Witch King died in Return of the King, oh so abruptly. Smaug's appearance is anything but brief, but the entire time I felt out of the experience. It's tough to pull off a talking dragon, but given the crew, I imagined a more convincing and intimidating beast. Instead, the best part about Smaug is what leads up to his awakening. Then the talking started. For every shot that Smaug appears in, I kept asking, "Do I like this? Do I buy this? Am I enjoying this?" Yet the answer resides in the fact I kept asking these questions in the first place.
As you can undoubtedly tell, I have a lot of issues and complaints to go around for The Desolation of Smaug. Though there are good aspects to find, they were also superiorly present in its predecessor(s). Even when Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers ended, they at least had enough of a transition to avoid that awful, arbitrary cliffhanger effect. Here, however, I could feel the air of disappointment and frustration in the theater. Rather than shock, excitement and anticipation, the reactions reeked of moaning and groaning. Count me among those mumblers.
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