Train wreck, saved only by a few visually stunning scenes.

Rating: 3/10 (21 May 2014)

I was compelled to write my first ever IMDb review, just because of how profoundly bad this film was.
A Caveat: I watched this movie on an airplane, on the little 3"x5" display on the seat, which is surely NOT the way you should watch a movie like this. But I was still blown away by some of the visuals, and still feel my criticism is valid.
The Bad:
1) The CGI looked like video games. This is hard to describe. When I watch Game of Thrones, I never feel like I am watching any CGI at all. As far as I can tell, I am just looking at a lot of elaborate sets. Not here. From the first scene, in the rainy town, I wondered "Am I watching someone playing Assassin's Creed?" It didn't really get better.
2) Stupid, pointless, boring action scenes. First two that come to mind are the spiders and the barrel riding scene. Just horrible. Worse, boring. Deadening. Don't do anything to advance characters or plot, and don't hold up on their own. They should have been cut. The elves dance about like superheroes, dispatching with umpteen faceless, boring orcs and spiders. It's just so repetitive and boring. Both scenes should have been max 90 secs. But they drag on, and on, and on, for no reason whatsoever.
3) Horrible characters. I didn't care about any of the characters. The development sucked. The dialogue sucked. The acting sucked. The movie felt like it was directed by post-2000 George Lucas.
4) Too long, not enough meat.
5) Turning the Hobbit into a 3 part series just seems like a cynical profit grab, totally unnecessary. They dragged the book out into 3 movies just so they could pad it with hours of pointless action scenes? What madness is this?
I hadn't watched 1, and probably won't watch 3, so this was profoundly disappointing. You're dropped in to a bunch of actors you don't care about with minimal exposition. The movie ends just as it feels it's starting to pick up; the credits rolling dropped my jaw as I was expecting the scene to continue. This isn't a TV Serial. Maybe, that is what Peter Jackson should be making instead. But movies should stand on their own, and this just doesn't.
The Good:
1) I am a complete sucker for movies and video games that set out to create vast, expansive interior spaces. I LOVE them. And in this respect, The Hobbit 2 did not disappoint. The Elven Kingdom, while not as magical as it should have been, was still quite grand. The Dwarven kingdom, and the action sequences with Smaug in them, were superb. It was just a beautifully crafted space, and these were the only gratuitous action scenes that payed off for me. The massiveness of it..of the forges, of the throne room, of the central walkways..of the treasure room!...this really fed my fetish for vastness, and even on the crummy little screen left me spellbound. This was absolutely the strongest point of the movie for me. Sadly, just about the only strong point.
2) Smaug was an interesting character, I loved how he was introduced, although perhaps not so subtle or deep. However, after displaying human intelligence, he manages to not kill a single dwarf when he has a chance. He blows lots of fire, but always hesitates when he has a kill shot; he is distracted as easily as a dog by their tauntings. This does the character disservice.
3) Nope, sorry, I've got nothing. It's 20 minutes of visual splendor surrounded by 2 hours of valium. Pass.