stinking bloody mess

Rating: 1/10 (9 May 2015)

There was a miracle that happened not too long ago, in a land far away. And that miracle was called, "The Lord of the Rings." Because now we have the bloated, swelling, sellout CGI apocalypse that is The Hobbit. One wonders what Peter Jackson was thinking, and being influenced by. Was it the number crushing producers who insisted on the formulaic and standardized stretched-to-the-wire, soul-crushing trash of the Hobbit 1 and 2? Was it Peter Jackson caving into the mind-numbing corporate rules? We will probably never know. But one thing we do know: this production was somehow manipulated, controlled and raped by the powers that be, and Peter Jackson is complicit in this. Otherwise we would have the Lord of the Rings, would we not? There was no passion, character development, creativity or innovation in this, only the "buy the numbers," corporate and conformist values inundated by Peter Jackson's pale, pale puckering sphincter. I know, I know. You will call me a hater. But what I'm really doing is trying to improve the quality of cinematic life for all of us. This is a vapid, weak, watery, dull and lifeless video game.