The Title is the only adequate thing about this movie

Rating: 3/10 (8 March 2015)

First off let me say that the Lord of the Rings trilogy are my favorite movies of all time, and I love all of Tolkien's work. Unlike many other harsh critics of the trilogy, I actually enjoyed the first Hobbit movie and liked the second. I thought the changes to the story line of the book to these movies (and the Lord of the Rings at that) were inevitable and for the most part tolerable. However, I am not at all rating and holding this movie to its faithfulness to the novel. As a motion picture, it was nothing but over-the-top, action crammed, CGI garbage. Lets start with the beginning: -First off, this movie doesn't truly have an exposition, climax, OR resolution: and although it tries desperately hard to pull each of these off, it miserably fails. The entire script was pretty much this: Smaug destroys Lake Town then dies, a bunch of random armies group together to fight each other, orcs attack them all, a bunch of people die, then the battle ends and Bilbo goes back home. These are only a few things that made this movie terrible: -The Dragon Smaug is in the movie at BEST for maybe 15 minutes. The movie starts when he attacks the town (kudos to the brilliant screenwriters who would end the second movie and start this movie at such a ridiculous point in the story) and he dies immediately following the beginning. Not only does he die so soon, but he gets killed by some guy using his son as a makeshift bow, which is apparently as powerful as a giant crossbow that couldn't even pierce the dragons hide the first time (the entire "black arrow" crap was just a recipe for plot-holes in the first place) -It seemed like more screen time was given to an incredibly ugly and annoying made up character named Alfred (no, not even speaking about Tauriel yet) than most of the Dwarfs in Thorin's company. -The battle scenes were pathetic and boring (compared to Peter Jackson's former work in making gritty yet epic battle scenes in Lord of the Rings), and this movie had PLENTY of them, full with rehearsed Elven Kung-Fu fighting, Hog- riding Scottish-accented dwarfs, and a lot CGI orchead decapitations. These scenes were all over the place, a mess of random cuts of footage. In order to keep up, you have to focus on what was left of the storyline. No epic charges, battle speeches, or moments of glory were actually included in this movie (And NO, that scene of Thorin conveniently regaining his sanity, rushing out of the mountain to give the other dwarfs "backup" to apparently make them "regroup" was nothing but an epic cesspool of bad scripting). This movie is truly a perfect example of the classic action-packed, CGI, fan appeasing, anti-profound movie. -What exactly are the Five Armies you ask?? I in fact don't really know. Well I guess I know of four: There are the dwarfs, the Elves, the Laketowners, and the orcs. What's the fifth? Forgetting about the book since apparently that's what Peter Jackson and the other filmmakers did, we could possibly include the other orc army that showed up after the first one, or maybe the random convenient Goblins, or maybe the bats "bred for war" that Legolas RODE on. This actually is never concretely explained in the movie. Obviously the filmmakers intended on the second orc army to be the fifth one, but with all that jumble of random plot items going on, it's a little hard to comprehend. -(Spoliers) At the end, Fili, Kili, and Thorin all die. Although this part of the story was actually in the book, the two brothers died for such stupid reasons, (and no, God forbid they die to defend their uncle, which was in the book and would make way more sense): Fili died because he's too stupid to figure out what an obvious trap is or something like that, and Kili, over a freaking Elf girl who's part in the story was for no other reason than to give it a little extra length and add an annoying and completely unnecessary romance (plus, the romance completely undermined Legolas and Gimli's relationship in LOTR, and the weird kiss she gave to his dead corpse: creepy) -Some more things that made this movie disappointing and less than mediocre: -Legolas defying gravity by running on falling rocks and riding on bats -A bunch of characters appearing then disappearing during the movie (Beorn, Radagast, Gandalf, The White Company) -Nothing but CGI, CGI, CGI everything -Thorin giving his cousin a hug during the middle of a battle -Thranduil being such a jerk throughout the entire movie -No funerals shown for Fili, Kili, or Thorin -No resolution for the Dwarfs of Erebor, or for the Laketown people Overall, I hated this movie, and I'm starting to feel that Peter Jackson has turned into another George Lucas, it's all about the money now I guess. No inspirational or epic moments whatsoever. Nothing like Lord of the Rings. I was infinitely disappointed. I gave it three stars because I liked the very end, and I liked Ian Mckellen and Martin Freeman. Other than that, I'm sick of all these fans adoring this weak fluff.