The Hobbit meets Transformers

Rating: 3/10 (21 December 2014)

**MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS** As a Tolkien's fan, i was critic of the previous two movies. But at least they were actual movies, with a plot. The same can't be said of this last chapter of an unnecessary trilogy for The Hobbit.
Right at the first scene of the movie i sensed i was in for a bad ride. There was not even an introduction to set the whole film to a start, it began right in the middle of the action, and it remained there for the whole film. There was simply no traditional beginning-plot-ending of any other movie. The whole thing was a mess of bad CGI action that arched from ludicrous to pathetic and cheap. I can say with certainty that I've played video games with a better constructed plot.
As far as the battles that take place, the whole action felt fake beyond any measure. The hordes of Orcs were nothing but identical CGI dummies. Long gone are the days of The Fellowship of the Ring were so much effort were placed in making each orc and goblin unique with real make-up and live actors. The ugly, ragged and deformed Orcs we saw in the LOTR are thus substituted by Fully armored from head to toe hulks that are prone of dying of any head concussion or light breeze. Now that would not be so bad, considering thats how modern Hollywood likes its movies, if there had been thrown something else in the rest of the movie. But we find ourselves completely out of luck.
The other "subplots" of the movie are even more annoying and ridiculous:
-The "love" story i have a personal issue with, as it goes against any lore in the Tolkien world. Not only it does not take place in any way in the book, but to any person knowledgeable of the lore it is simply put an abomination. An inmortal ancient elf falls in love with a short, dirty and simple dwarf, whose peoples are bitter enemies from time immemorial, for no apparent reason AT ALL. The whole love story is cheesy and badly written.
-Dol Guldur scene: It takes place parallel to the main "plot". I had enjoyed the previous 2 movies of this subplot, that don't take place in the book but are referenced indirectly when Gandalfs tells the dwarfs during their trip that he has to part ways for a time. This time though it fell in even more ludicrousness than before. In this small scene we have not one, not two, but three Deus ex machina that come to save the day, one more unlikely than the other. We have Elrond that decides for no reason to abandon his home in Rivendel (something he hasn't done in thousands of years) to appear at the right time to save gandalf. Then there is a Kung Fu master Saruman that would put bruce lee to shame and to top it all Galadriel that decides to abandon too her ancestral home in Lothlorien and take action in middle earth affairs for the first time since the fall of Numenor. Not only that, but apparently she is an ALL Powerful witch that can banish SAURON with a hand gesture. Really a feat out of reach of even Gandalf, a minor GOD with a ring of power. Stupid beyond measure.
We could go on and on of all the minor details of this abomination but i really don't have the time to write it all down. A few honorable mentions are magically appearing war goats, a transvestite, legolas as the Chosen One from The Matrix and giant sized trolls that go down with a stroke of a dagger or a single arrow.
Its also worthy of note that we find don't find such thing as an ending for the story. Nothing gets really resolved, or at least, we are not told. The whole movie was about different factions fighting for the treasure of the mountain. At the end of the battle when all settles down, we are left without knowing what happened to that treasure. No mention of burial rites for Thorin, no mention of who is the new king under the mountain, no mention of the bloody elves and their gems, no mention of the Archstone destiny, no mention of what happens to the humans from the city lake. There is no ending at all.
As a last commentary I would have wished that Orlando Bloom had the same integrity of Viggo Mortensen when he was offered a part in the movie. We can see here the complete lack of artistic integrity and love for the original work, to these people this whole trilogy was nothing more than a milk cow. Amazingly, Viggo was offered to play Aragorn, a character that like Legolas doesn't appear in the book, but not only that, it takes place 60 years before the lord of the rings, so old Viggo would have to had played a young 25 year old. We have to deeply thank Viggo for that, and by doing nothing he has gained much more respect from me than Peter jackson ever will.
Avoid this "movie" like ebola.