Once more unto the breach

Rating: 5/10 (10 December 2014)

SPOILERS AHEAD!
I was lucky enough to get a seat at the premiere of the final entry in The Hobbit trilogy last night. Jackson's final journey into the fantastical Middle Earth has left me with a bitter aftertaste; I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad it's over.
Jackson's liberal use of computer generated imagery (CGI) coupled with his tired direction create an ugly eyesore reminiscent of some lost relic from the Playstation 2 era. The human eye easily picks out the jarring effects work with ease, creatures and environments look horribly waxy, especially Legolas who looks like he has escaped from Madame Tussauds. I do not buy that this is the same stunning and fantastical Middle Earth audiences ventured into during the Lord of the Rings epic. Though set 60 years(?) prior to the Rings trilogy, Middle Earth has become contrived and ugly. Sporting a muted colour palette, The Hobbit gives off a grim and edgy feeling (though not as bad as the green tint on the extended Fellowship of the Ring Bluray), there is only just doom and gloom, which seems to be in direct conflict with the more light-hearted tone of the material, and dry humour of the previous installations.
I can't exactly quite pinpoint what feels off about the film, but the fact that there is blatantly little passion to be felt is a huge issue. It's as if the film is limping to the finish line. Jackson's direction seems lazy or uninspired and bland; time stops during heated battles as characters take stock, (luckily the characters have plot armor, otherwise they'd be dead), or sweeping aerial shots of characters traversing the ugly environment; Swords clang, characters show up in time to save the day and characters are attacked by waves of creatures. This all seems like the perfect ingredients for an epic outing from Jackson, but the spectacle tires quickly. We've have seen it all before in the Rings trilogy, a vastly superior set of films.
There are a few laughably bad moments in the film which should absolutely not have been included. Jackson's decision to turn Legolas into a CGI-eyed wax figurine is not enough, he ends up with the ability to defy physics (think Legolas mounting the battle elephants in The Return of the King, but cranked up to eleven). It happens on multiple occasions here and it's laughably bad. The audience during my screening guffawed and gasped during the almost criminal scene (you'll know when it happens). There will certainly be no awards or Oscars for Jackson here. The most baffling was the epilepsy inducing scene where Galadriel confronts and banishes Sauron to the east. The dialogue is nauseating, but the quick cuts and flashes play out like a bad drug trip from Fear and Loathing or something left over from the 90s.
One thing that has always been consistent in Jackson's films is the unbelievable sound design and scoring. The Battle of the Five Armies holds some of the best work yet, the audience is pulled right into the battles, we hear leaves rustling, the clang of steel on steel, battle cries, horns blowing etc. It's like sunshine for my ears. But this isn't going to redeem the film.
Billy Boyd's melancholic ballad during the credits marks the end of our journey through Middle Earth, though unlike Bilbo Baggins, I don't think the trip was worth the price. It's probably best to view these films as three separate acts in a single film, and watching that back to back will probably make for better viewing than waiting three years for a flaccid climax that under delivers. As Paul Thomas Anderson said, In the end we don't remember plots, but rather how a film makes us feel. This film made me feel nothing, I just wanted it to end.
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