Incredible Effects let down by poor screenplay

Rating: 6/10 (25 December 2012)

First off: "The Hobbit - an unexpected journey" looks absolutely amazing on a big screen, especially when viewed through 3D glasses. Not only do the scenic landscapes cover you in goosebumps, the amount of details is also awe-inspiring. Every single wart on every single, butt ugly ork, every hair in a dwarfs beard... it adds up to a whole new level of viewing experience.
In the beginning, I was very impressed by the movie. At times, it is literally like the book, they even use the same lines. But as the story went on, they not only kept changing things (which I usually have no problem with) but also ADDING stuff that did not appear in the book. I admit, they did a good job there, adding that white Ork for example (it works well in the movie, and does not seem planted) but that weird feeling remained that Peter Jackson just wants to make three movies out of one little book to make more money. I sometimes got the impression that the film-makers were stretching the story like dough with a rolling pin. But hey, it worked rather well, and maybe I'm just complaining about something here that is not really an issue. Actually, I think "The Hobbit" might be one of the very few cases where the film is not leaving things out that were in the book, but doing the opposite... so kudos to the makers.
However, I do also have a "real" issue with that movie. Just when you're completely immersed in Middle earth, when you can smell the fresh grass and flowers in the Shire, feel the icy breeze in the mountains and the thundering dash of the wargs, when it becomes REAL... it hits you in the face and reminds you that it is, actually, just a movie. A movie for kids, on top of that. And it keeps doing that again and again, until the magic is gone and you leave the theater being slightly annoyed and disappointed instead of open mouthed and very impressed (which some would expect from such an enormous movie project) The thing that stole most of the magic for me was the seeming invulnerability of the dwarfs. Peter Jackson puts them into the utmost life-threatening, no, DEADLY situations, only to let them emerge unscathed and laughing, every single one of them. He rains whole mountains of rocks on them, drops them into caves hundreds of feet deep, and sends several armies of Orks and Goblins at them, which they butcher with childish ease. Really, fat, stubby dwarfs killing dozens of orks, using moves that slightly remind of Asian martial arts? Really?? Jumping around like those girls in "Kill Bill", when you're just as broad as you are long, does not work! And while we're at the fighting scenes... apparently, all of the gargantuan budget was spent on helicopter flights for the landscape shots and stunt men for the "dancy" fight scenes, so there was nothing left over to buy some artificial blood; because that is really lacking. When you do to a living thing what the dwarfs do to the pitiful orks, you expect more than a little liquid to flow, or at least stain your weapons. But oh wait, the movie has to be appropriate for the kiddies too, so none of that please! After all, we want them to spend their allowance on three 2+h films. Another thing that bugged me was the behavior of the dwarfs in Elrond's valley. They were like little kids, not eating their vegetables, but stuffing it into their ears because someone was playing the harp. So funny! (when you're 12...) In Tolkiens story, they enjoyed staying with the elves, and in Jacksons, they try to be funny by being very childish, but it backfires.
Again, these might not be such big issues... had they not gone full length in making EVERYTHING seem so very real. It looks simply too real to allow unrealistic scenes. Perfect realism and ultra-extensive detail does not mix well with a childish screenplay, in my humble opinion. Sure, in the movie's defense, one could say that the book is sometimes just like that. Well, then they just shouldn't have wasted all that effort on it, I say. If you want to make an incredibly realistic film, you have to write the screenplay accordingly, or the magic is gone.
I give it 6/10. The special effects were just too amazing to behold, and they would have earned it more than 10/10 for sure, but the screenplay crashed it.