Nothing like the original LOTRs

Rating: 7/10 (26 September 2013)

Standing alone, this movie would have been fine.
But this is Lord of the Rings 4. And this is Peter Jackson. And his bar is impossibly high now.
And he blew it.
I went into this, I'm sure like a lot of you, expecting something amazing, something that would take the third LOTR movie, which is without a doubt, the greatest fantasy movie OF ALL TIME, and notch it up even higher, to ELEVEN as Spinal Tap would say.
What with even better special effects technology available, we were expecting the incredible, along with the token incredible acting of the same gang more or less from before.
Instead we get:

Gandalf the Wooden. Acting due to Contract please and thank you. OH MUST I WEAR THIS CLOAK YET AGAIN??? Go play Magneto, your wizard days are up, McClellen.

A crazy long in desperate need of a major edit dwarf keg smasher party at the beginning that has you wishing they served draft at the theatre so you could at least get smashed along with them and figure out what was so damn funny!

A bizarre crazed wizard with bird poop on his head! Seriously!????? No, SErIOUSLY???!!!!!!!!!!!????????

A very very badly cgi'ed goblin king dude, who looks so badly cgi'd, he had almost zero screen presence. FAKE!

A silly roller-coaster ride (this is the next ride a Universal Studios, RIGHT???) goblin maze battle that had my head spinning and trying to keep up. Not exciting, just plain confusing and silly!

Horribly disappointed. Peter Jackson took the Golden Cheque and exited the building.