The Hobbit: An Unexpected(ly Bad) Journey

Rating: 6/10 (16 December 2012)

I don't have time for a full review, now - I'll try to add more later if I can, but I was majorly disappointed. My wife and I just finished re watching the full 12 hours of LotR to get back into Middle Earth, and enjoyed it immensely. After watching the Hobbit last night, I'm infinitely glad that it didn't get made first, because otherwise I may not have had interest in seeing LotR.
The plot of the Hobbit is plodding, wandering, with a stated purpose that is never really explored, and motivation that is upheld by the weakest of threads. The special effects are no better - and maybe worse - than from 10 years ago, and the scenes that are meant to be light-hearted are just silly without being funny, while the scenes that are meant to be epic are so over-wrought as to stretch beyond the reasonable borders of suspension of disbelief. I can't count the number of times I thought (and by the end of the movie, said aloud) "yeah, right, whatever" when some other implausible battle scene occurs in which they escape from inescapable places just because the movie feels like they should. Gandolf seems to have no power, but then, at the moment where the script decides that maybe he should do something helpful, he can suddenly do whatever is required, only to be powerless 10 seconds later except to yell "run!" Or "this way!" How many times in one movie can one character strike a hero pose? I didn't count, because my fingers and toes don't go up that high, but maybe you can let me know when you watch Thorin throughout the movie. I get that he is supposed to be this film's Aragorn, but all he does is strike a ponderous pose with his hand on his hip. Also, Martin Freeman is supposed to be Bilbo, but all he does is take Arthur Dent to Middle Earth. Over and over again, you are expected to care for this fellowship of the poorly motivated random folk, and fear for them in increasingly implausible scenarios. In reality, each subsequent action scene made me care less and less: "oh, here's another scene of inescapable death in which the bad guys will lose hundreds and one of the Dwarfs will walk away with a slightly bruised left patella that will heal by nightfall. Yawn." I could go on.
It isn't all bad - the music is spectacular, and fortunately is nearly omnipresent for the entire 600 hour running time of the film, and some of the panoramas and other sweeping cinematography is brilliant. Also, I genuinely belly-laughed a few times at some pretty good lines (hint: none of them came from the Dwarfs, whose lines were written by a six year old). Also, at one point Galadrial and Gandolf are talking by themselves. When you watch the film, imagine Galadrial giving Gandolf a shove. Given the nature of what they are saying this made me laugh out loud. The scene between Bilbo and Gollum is the best scene in the film, but unfortunately the sound is a little off, making it hard to hear and enjoy Gollum's riddles. I could have used more of that interaction and about an hour and a half less of the rest of the movie
I have much more I could say, but I just don't have the time, so this will have to suffice. Any true fan of Middle Earth needs to see this film, but not because its a marvelous piece of filmmaking; rather, you should see it simply to feel immersed in Middle Earth once again: in other words to get your high. Lord of the Rings was the gateway drug, but as usually happens with drug dealers, they get you hooked, and then give you the watered- down junk.
A barely passable and overlong movie that progresses at a plodding pace and repeatedly fails to deliver. Ultimately, it can't decide if it wants to be a children's book or a sweeping epic, and thus fails on both counts. It breaks my Middle Earth-loving heart, but this film only merits 5/10, and most of that for the fantastic score and the joy of being back in Middle Earth once more.