The Hills Have Eyes and, unfortunately, so did the audience

Rating: 3/10 (25 March 2006)

I think it says something about a movie when the only character that I wanted to see live was the dog. Perhaps this is because the dog was the most intelligent of the group. I won't spoil any of the "terrific" story for you but I will say that this movie is why I mostly rent these days. I would not have felt so violated if it were only a 3 dollar rental. I could have just hit stop, eject and moved on to the next selection. That being said, I will expound upon exactly what was wrong with this film. Here are 3 issues in particular (although there could be more).
1. There are some "shocking" elements that might not make it into other horror movies. Unfortunately, they seem gratuitous and non essential other than serving as a device for the movie to get some buzz. The truth is, they aren't even that shocking. What really happens is you get these things fairly early on in the confrontation and then that's it. You've peeked in the shock value and everything afterward is pretty standard fare and, subsequently, a let down.
2. There is no credit given to the audience. I understand that there must be certain suspension of belief when one walks into a theater. With this movie, we have to believe that everyone is completely retarded. There was one fleeting moment when one of the characters displays a flicker of intelligence but it is a flame quickly extinguished by a tidal wave of stupidity. If you are trying to sneak around, why are you talking out loud...TO YOURSELF!!! They allude to the fact that a kid grew up firing guns (his dad is a detective) yet he is the worst shot I have ever seen. The cop has 2 German shepherds that one would assume are well trained (since they are the K-9 unit dog of choice) yet they continuously disobey and run off. I could go on and on but it would require me spoiling the story for anyone planning to watch this. I will just sum it up in the immortal words of Forest Gump's mom, "stupid is as stupid does". I think that was it anyway. Regardless, one would have to be a moron to exist in this movie's version of reality.
3. The cheesy f'n music. My god it was awful. I don't know who came up with the soundtrack but apparently they are stuck in 1981. The music you here is corny and laughable. There is one cool electro bass thing and the rest is just campy. I wasn't the only one that thought so either. A very large portion of the audience found it as amusing as I did. The ending is especially funny. You may want to rent the movie just so you can watch the end and see/ hear what I am referring to. It was hilarious.
I think what disturbed me the most about this movie is the comments other people had left on IMDb. I actually looked it up and read a couple of reviews prior to purchasing my tickets. Generally, I find IMDb comments to be a fairly good barometer of what to expect. In this case I have to wonder if people were paid to write the positive posts.
I give this movie a 3. I came to this by a simple equation.
1 is the lowest possible score.
I added 1 more point because I liked one of the dogs and 1 more point because some of the killings are pretty cool when the "heroes" finally have their moment.
I hope this review is helpful for those thinking about seeing The Hills Have Eyes. I have never posted a review before but because of all the positives that have been posted I thought someone should warn you about the truth of this movie.
Happy Movie Going PS You know it's bad when the ushers are mocking the movie as you leave. I quote. "bet you can't wait for the DVD ha ha ha ha ha." Yeah, it really is that bad.