do people have Eyes for the Hills?

Rating: 6/10 (27 June 2006)

What do you think of the title? Witty, eh? I thought of it myself. *sighs* OK, subject at hand is The Hills Have Eyes. If you're looking for a morose, gory-flick that'll have your date clinging to your arm, this would be a steal at double the price. But if you're looking for an intellectual, provocative heart-stopper with genuine characters... you'll be walking away empty handed. As for me, I'm a mix of both (that being, I didn't have a date) Acting: I'm kind of debating key part of any film. I've never experienced being stalked by fall-out victims from the 50's, but given the unlikely plot... I'd say they did decent. Decent. The actors were the B-Class's best and brightest, including Ted Levine and my personal favorite, Emile de Ravin. She's too fine. uh... back on subject. The characters were flat. The father was a retired serviceman who's a conservative (saw that coming, right) The mother's a... for lack of a better term... a mom. She prays a lot. Ahh, the son. This was an interesting addition. He played a sort of Macauly Caulkin in a post-apocalyptic desert. Only, this was no Home Alone, and there was no Joe Pesci or Daniel Stern! The one that stood out the most was a cliché' as old as anvils falling on coyote's heads. And that was the outcasted son-in-law/ determined father. Enough said.
The part that I thought captivated me the most was pure, un-adulterated chaos that this movie portrayed. And that's basically a 16 year-old, white male speaking. Sure, I'm up for loading buck-shot into freaks that the government left behind. Hey, you won't hear me complain when a cell phone salesman digs a pick into a man's skull. (the cell phone salesman reference is what the determined father does for a living) But that doesn't really make up for a weak story in the long run. Not in my opinion, no.
I don't regret seeing it, no, not at all. But it's not one of the situations where "I love you, but I'm not 'in' love with you" Readers, it's not even an "I like you, like you." It's basically "hey you're a cool kid, let's hang out!" no more, no less.
When all is said and done, (and dead) I'll give it One-Thumb-Up... and that one thumb's probably for Emile de Ravin and the creative fatalities.
-Theodore Reddinger