A 100ft monster of horror clichés

Rating: 3/10 (27 April 2006)

Saying The Hills Have Eyes is a cliché is a massive understatement. The cast includes two hapless, screaming blonde girls, one likable nerd, one angsty teen, one ex-policeman dad and one cheesy mother. There's all the moments of horror films you've seen over and over again. There's the wandering into a dark room, calling out 'hello, is anyone here.' There's the killing of animals whenever possible for cheap audience reactions. There's the countless times when someone comes to the rescue at the last minute. Characters only talk of what they plan to do in the future (I'm going to Cancun next year. I'm starting a security business) with that old, tired irony that they will soon die. And then there's the gore which is hardly notice buried under the mass of clichés. Worst of all is the use of sound. The sight of a monster, a stranger stepping into a room, finding a dead dog - all of this and more is over-accentuated by THAT bass heavy, horror sound that tells us - we should be scared right now. The only times this film scares is with cheap 'cat in a basket' effects where something suddenly lunges on screen. Naturally this is accompanied by THAT sound to tell us this is scary. But it's not. The monsters are just ugly, angry humans who pose little threat aside from their weaponry. There are plot holes (mostly to do with the elapse of time) and character problems (you would think the dog loving teen could distinguish a human making a dog noise from his own dog barking) and to top it off, there are several moments of pure generic lameness that are laughably bad. As a horror movie, it's missing any thrills, chills and all-round scariness. There are however some saving graces. As a bad horror film, it still remains enjoyable enough for being incredibly bad. And the creature effects are quite good and somewhat original, even if they're more comic book cool than terrifying. But for the most part, you can anticipate ever single moment in this movie. If a movie can't surprise you - it can't scare you, simple as that.