The Mutants Versus The Retards

Rating: 2/10 (22 March 2006)

If by 'horror' you mean 'horrible' then that is the correct genre of this movie. I took a date to it because she likes horror movies and rarely gets the opportunity to enjoy one. We sat down and got ready for some entertainment.
Instead, what was served to us was an eyesore of crap. Some movies rely on visual effects to stun their audiences. This movie was set in the desert, so there was no scenery change. The coolest effect I saw was someone on fire, and the fire was even questionable.
I'm not finished ragging yet.... The movie took FOREVER to get going. I think it was trying to hold our suspense, but instead it just bored me. The first 30 minutes is the family gasing up and changing their oil. The writers could have easily circumvented this whole pointless scene of them gasing up and getting bad directions by having them get lost and break down.
Also, I can understand the actors making cliché mistakes for the forwarding of the plot in standard horror movies, but this movie was ridiculous. I found myself constantly asking WHY would anyone in their right mind do that. They were practically killing themselves.
The freaks/zombies/whatever weren't scary. The special affects here included some 80s style horror flick face adhesives and some makeup. They weren't superhuman. They just seemed dumb and determined to rape/kill everyone. Given a 9mm with a full clip, a 5 year old could've taken them all down. I would've been more frightened of the radiation in the area making me sick than I would be from the mutants. Maybe next time have the radiation give them super abilities, like invisibility, so I don't have to see an abomination of make up artistry. And for god's sake, spend a little money on some up to date special effects.
This crap chute of a movie gets 2/10, for wasting my time, being disgusting, making my date feel awkward about rape, charging me to much money, and embarrassing itself to the public.