Impatient, IQ-deficient idjits hate The Hateful Eight

Rating: 9/10 (30 January 2016)

There are so many thinly rationalized negative reviews of this movie, it's no surprise Hollywood is going in the shitter to serve us clichéd turds and sequels upon sequels, dulling the senses, making as much money with as little risk as possible, and spitting in the face of originality and artistry.
Furthermore, after Tarantino's "gratuitously" violent-interspersed-with-witty-dialog films have invited so many accusations of predictability, he serves up one that depends predominantly on what the actors are saying and saves the buckets of blood for the end, and y'all are still complaining. ("Gratuitously" is in quotation marks because I don't agree with that claim, but this review is about The Hateful Eight, not QT.)
I can see how this movie might be disappointing. Until you accept it for what it is, you wonder why you should find it interesting. It's different, and seems to move slowly, and the plot is shockingly simple. If you can lay all that as well as your expectations for a QT movie aside, these are the things to love about The Hateful Eight.
The dialog, which again, is pretty much the entire movie, is brilliant. Hateful, but with just a touch of silliness that makes it all a comedy.
The actors' performances were all amazing. I always love to see Tim Roth, but the star in this film was, in my opinion, Walton Groggins. Honorable mentions go to Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Samuel L. Jackson.
That brings me to the characters. It's not called The Hateful Eight for no reason. These are eight people trapped in a room in the middle of a blizzard in post-Civil War America, and not one of them has characteristics which redeem them. These are hateful, ignorant people, and though SLJ's character is probably meant to be for the message of the film, there isn't really a protagonist, at least not in the traditional sense of being the character you root for.
But if Jackson's Major Marquis Warren is the protagonist, it's only in order to focus the film onto a commentary of racial tension in the U.S., past and present. The n-word is naturally dropped over and over, and there are one bad and two worse things Maj. Warren does that he justifies with the race card. He serves as a late 1800's Malcolm X, someone whom white men should and do fear. I'm not saying it's right, merely that I'm not in a position to judge. Let's put it this way: I assume we've all heard that history is in the hands of the victors? So for example, freedom fighters who fail in their mission are labeled terrorists. This could have easily been true for the colonists had they lost the American Revolution, but they didn't and got to label the monarchy tyrannical. So, with that in mind, let's together realize that white people throughout history have always been the victors. After emancipation, even after Civil Rights, rich and therefore powerful white men have been able to put this spin on popular history that seems to apologize while also excusing their actions, precipitating further discrimination and simultaneously setting guidelines of behavior for future black Americans to follow. TH8 is definitely not MLK-political correctness-friendly. But that's the point, for MLK is a figure whom we pretend to learn about in public school as a pacifist activist (which is not at all oxymoronic, duh, don't ask questions) while largely if not completely ignoring Malcolm X. This movie is frank, and invites honest, painful discussion, something that is conspicuously absent surrounding the issues today.
The least significant but still relevantly applause-worthy aspect of this film is how gorgeous it is. It's quite an amazing accomplishment considering most of it takes place in one room, but the visuals are stunning.
Give this film a chance and just enjoy it for what it is. Or don't, cry about having your white privilege shoved in your face, and/or watch something with all action and no substance, which is just about every single other Hollywood movie.
Disclaimer: I'm a white woman.