complete bumbling mess

Rating: 1/10 (31 December 2015)

Every master film maker knows that 70mm is the best choice to shoot a movie in plain white snow where the gray sky and white ground are almost indistinguishable, but at least it's about 5 minutes of something worthy of being shot on 70mm. After the snow portion of the movie, over two hours take place in a one room cabin... which once again might be boring, but in 70mm...
The 70mm is a complete waste, the lighting inside the cabin looks horrible also, I couldn't stop looking at all the ultra bright tungsten sources above every table although the movie takes place right after the civil war. The moonlight coming through the windows is as bright and harsh as the sunlight in the day scenes; and if that's not enough to take out of the movie, there are at least 10 separate times throughout where the film falls so flat that I had my face in my hands saying to myself, "what the hell is this?"... "This is a Quentin Tarantino movie??" ..."HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS CRAP IS THERE???"
two of the most obvious are when, after a droning two hours, Tarantino himself starts narrating inside of his own movie, and starts explaining a plot device to the audience as if he's in the pitch meeting instead of the final edit. You'd think somewhere in those two hours, in place of so much bad dialog, he could of found a way to simply foreshadow a clue that the coffee is.. or could be poison... but no, he has to make it ridiculous.
The intermission... it's like him going, "since we're shooting the first draft of my script, and since we won't be using editing to make this more interesting, go take a break and then you can come back and then try to get through the rest of this." Because if you went to the bathroom any time other than the intermission, you'd miss SO much by the time you got back.
Another time was maybe the 3rd or 4th time they had to show you that you need two pieces of wood to nail the door shut. Other 3 hour movies use their time to sprawl and show passage of time and distance and development, this one wants you to see them nailing a door shut over and over in real time.
Eventually somewhere around 2:15 into the movie my only thoughts were, "can someone, anyone on the screen, just kill everyone else so the movie can end!?"