What's (Not) Happening

Rating: 4/10 (16 June 2008)

I had to try and think of what corny title a movie review would have as such, and that was the best I could come up with.
The Happening, in theory, could have been a film of great warning (stop messing with mother earth, or she will mess with you), with appeal, heroes and all sorts of stuff one would normally associate with a film such as this.
To start, the concept of plants emitting a toxin to affect pests is actually true. Of course, the pests are generally a thousand times smaller than humans, and less complex. But suspend that reality and think for a moment. Generally, due to human chemistry, a nice angle would have been to have some people immune from this toxin, similar to The Stand, where not all people were affected.
What the film lacks the most is basic, common sense. I will cite some examples that really stood out to me:
1. Worst. Parenting. Ever Julian takes time to tell Elliot that the reason his wife was held up was because she was getting a doll house for their daughter, Jess. He says this IN FRONT OF THE CHILD. He also points out he is leaving to "find out" if she is safe. Okay, if one was single, I could totally get that, but chances are, Jess' mom would most likely want Julian to stay with their daughter. And announcing that the mother is missing because of a gift she was getting said daughter in front of the daughter is asking for future therapy issues. And truly this act is against Julian's previous seen character-a protective father who would never do anything to cause his child to needlessly worry.
2. Alma, Thy Name Is Selfish OK, so the group was fortunate enough to get tickets to the train out of town. Instead of staying near her husband, Alma chooses to sit apart from him, because she is "offended" that he may have expressed concerns about their marriage to their friend. The man bought you a ticket out of town on a surprisingly roomy train given that Philadelphia is a pretty large place. And you nit pick that your husband confided in him?
3. Basic Idiocy I had to look this up before announcing my ire, however my instinct was correct. Any certified army vehicle in this day and age is stocked with an emergency kit enough for the passengers the vehicle is meant to hold. So this means that when the Army guy pulled up in his clearly Army level Hummer, it would have been equipped with a medical kit, and gas masks. Now apparently the two knitting octogenarians in Virginia had the sense to pop on gas masks to protect themselves-but an Army trained individual had no clue to think about that. Ditto that on carrying his gun fully loaded with extra ammo. You know the toxin will make people suicidal. You pack your gun. Real smart. The trees aren't getting all Rambo on you, so what's the point?
4. Why would the trees kill people considered allies? To make anyone want to turn in their environmental card, the toxin targets even the environmental friendly who have spent countless years speaking for the trees. The most appealing characters, the kind, but spacey Nursery Owner and his sweetheart of a wife end up in the group with the pistol packing army guy and we know from the gunshot count, they died. This makes no sense at all. If plants can communicate as suggested, wouldn't the nursery plants point out to their brethren that Nursery Hippy guy and wife were friends to the chlorophyll set? If they had survived the toxin, it would have made more sense to me, especially since the guy made it a point to tell his plants (actually calling them his babies) that they would be OK.
5. Split Personality Issues Josh and Jared, the amiable young teens traveling with Elliot, Alma and Jess are portrayed as jovial fellows, who try to make the best of their situation. They even offer marital advice to Elliot in one of the few amusing conversations. So to me it made no sense they would get aggressive and rude to the people shacked up in the farmhouse-an event that led up to their deaths.
6. Which brings me to.. Why is it everyone located on a remote farm location are portrayed as psychos? I am waiting to hear a complaint from the Agriculture Society on the negative portrayal of farmers everywhere.
And what of France? Why is France the disaster movie's bitch? Think about this, to name a few: 28 Weeks Later, Independence Day, Armageddon-all have France (particularly Paris) annihilated. So why is it that France is the next Occurrence of "the happening"? Did the plants have to communicate it through seaweed and it took three months?