Glorified TV Movie

Rating: 3/10 (6 September 2009)

It's not easy to criticize someone who seems like such a genuine nice guy, but it's hard to believe that the same person who wrote "The Sixth Sense" also wrote this movie. But then, the only movie that Shyamalan has written since "The Sixth Sense" that was original and cohesive and intriguing was "The Village." He seems to be a classic example of what happens to many talented artists once they snag the big bra$$ ring.
This movie starts off well, although the opening is suspiciously similar to that of Stephen King's novel "Cell." The cast is extremely likable. Mark Wahlberg plays against his usual urban tough guy type, playing a milksoppy quasi-hero, which is very appropriate for this milksoppy movie.
John Leguizamo stretches a little. Zoey Deschanel, unfortunately, loses her trademark quirky charm in her cardboard characterization of a wife on the verge of straying--a subplot that arises through ponderous dialog, rather than action.
This rather lame dramatic device is an early warning sign that Shyamalan is pulling his creative punches once again, and the last two acts of the movie have all the grit and pizazz of a 1970s TV movie. Actually that's unfair--to superior TV movies like "Duel" and "Trilogy of Terror."
The characters literally meander through a thin storyline with a monotonously obvious plot. At its worst moments it grinds to a sodden halt, like the scene where Leguizamo has bummed an "urgent" ride, and the driver waits for what seems like an hour while Leguizamo delivers a valedictory goodbye speech to his chums.
Shyamalan needs to stop aspiring to direct "horror" films, he is obviously too genteel for a genre that has spawned the "Hostel" and "Saw" and "Ring" and "Living Dead" franchises. Even bloodless masterpieces like Robert Wise's "The Haunting" would be lucky to satisfy a mass audience today, and "The Happening" is far from a masterpiece.
Considering the somewhat laudable attempt at delivering a message (which is old news, thanks to Al Gore) to the masses, the "surprise" ending is simply trite, and only makes us hope he wasn't setting up a sequel. The Gaia Theory deserves better.
Catch it for free if you can. Or rent it if you enjoy pretending to be scared by pretentious horror non-thrillers with little gore and no licentious material.