The C***pening.

Rating: 1/10 (30 June 2008)

The Happening sucks. It sucks HUUUGE sweaty balls. It's without a doubt the worst movie of the year, and possibly of the decade. It was unintentionally hilarious in it's poorly scripted, ham-acted idiocy. Do not pay money for this unless you enjoy mocking horrible films in a public arena.
This is up there with The Wicker Man remake in terms of complete and utter dross. At least 5 times throughout the film I turned to the person next to me and simply asked "What. The. Hell?" Case in point (yes, SPOILERS); In one scene, Marky Mark and Zooey and a bunch of people, say around 50, have wandered off into a field trying to escape the thing which is threatening them. They decide to split up into groups of 20 and 30 (with our main characters in the smaller group). The groups can no longer see each other, but aren't very far apart. Suddenly, the threat thing attacks the larger group, causing a solider within the group to use his gun on himself. The other members of that group slowly take turns in using the gun to kill themselves. Marky Mark's smaller group can hear the gunshots, and realize what is happening. Marky Mark says, in the breathy and high-pitched voice that he uses throughout the entire f***ing movie: "Oh. Noooo." He actually says, after hearing gunshots and assuming the worst "Oh. Noooo." It's impossibly to fully relay the stupid delivery, but just trust me. The film is full of strange moments of dialog that cause you to cringe and rhetorically ask "What the hell?" The premise is cool, but the explanation is ridiculous. As most of us in the blogosphere should know, this film's script is the result of a rewrite of an earlier one, titled "The Green Effect" that was unanimously rejected by every studio in the business. If you're interested, and you don't mind spoilers, google "The Green Effect" and see how much more ludicrous M. Night originally intended this to be.
The dialog was, quite simply, totally unrealistic and ridiculous. Combine that with the acting which, despite the fans' protestions, was not 'stylised', and you get a s***-lined t***-coat of a movie (The acting was poor. I don't care if the director told them to act that way, it doesn't change the fact that it was poor). If it was a stylistic choice, it was the wrong choice.
People are now saying that Night intended it to be a B-Movie. It fails at that too (if you want to see a good, big budget B-Movie, see Planet Terror).