An excruciatingly awful film.

Rating: 1/10 (18 June 2008)

Okay . . . I give "The Village" a lot of flack, but it had redeeming features. Some nice atmosphere, solid characterizations. "The Lady in the Water" . . . well, I liked the two lead actors. But Shyamalan's latest monument to himself is infinitely worse than even the weakest moments of those films. It's not a question of where it ranks on a list of Shyamalan's films. It's a question of where it ranks on the list of worst films ever made. Gory but not scary, slow but devoid of character development . . . Mark Wahlberg is DREADFUL in this film, and he has proved himself a more than capable actor in the past. I couldn't even find any enjoyment in watching the adorable Zooey Deschanel. And James Newton Howard's score is so egregiously aping Bernard Herrmann's Hitchcock scores, he should be sued.
If there is anything in all of creation that you hold dear, avoid this movie like the cancerous plague on the anus of cinema that it is. This movie made me question my will to live on a planet where films this bad are made. Okay, that last line was maybe a SLIGHT exaggeration. But only slight. Seriously, I'd rather watch a marathon of "Armageddon", "Batman & Robin", "The Avengers" and "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" back to back than sit through ten minutes of this again. Trust me: even you Shyamalan defenders aren't likely to enjoy this one. There's no touching human element like in "Signs" (or like some of you found in "The Village"). It's just pointlessly, gory, dreary tedium. If you want to see an infinitely superior film with a similar premise, check out Frank Darabont's "The Mist." Better on every possible level. Shyamalan wants to be seen as a modern Hitchock, but this time, he comes closer to Ed Wood. I am seriously beginning to wondering if he plagiarized "The Sixth Sense."
I'm only sad it opened to respectable business (if universally scathing reviews). Captain Ego needs a dose of humility and reality. And to have his kneecaps broken.
And, being a softy, I went easy on this one.