I just can't give it a grade...there must be something we're all missing...is this the twist??

Rating: Null/10 (3 July 2008)

I won't do it. When you get to the end of this review there will not be a grade out of ten because I just can't do it. I want to slap a poor score on it and then the next minute I'm crying out to M. Night Shyamalan (who never answers back) that there has to be a secret to this film as to why it was PURPOSELY made so poorly. The man is not new to film making and I have loved every single one of his movies and the thing is they have all been downright brilliant. Brilliantly written, perfectly cast, wonderfully acted and beautifully directed. I will also say to all those people out there who crap of Lady In The Water...I adored Lady In The Water, pure and utter brilliance and beauty and probably my favorite of his films. The Village I could live without, it wasn't quite as intelligent as his other entries and then there is this which doesn't even register on the scale of intelligence. It's ludicrous!! There is virtually no story, not one that makes sense, the acting is horrid on the part of every single actor especially the lead cast. There is no beginning and end really, no twist, no cares, you just never wanna see it again. I'll get to my rant in a moment.
I'm going by face value and although I used to not be able to stand Mark Wahlberg but lately he had grown on me with some impressive performances. In this film he is absolutely putrid. One of the worst performances I have ever seen and I am telling you that 100% he is doing it on purpose. He is purposely acting bad. First of all his character acts like a child...and this is done on purpose I am sure of it I just don't know why. Other reviewers have noticed this as well. His scared puppy dog look about being left behind on the train, and his tone and his facial expressions...he's acting like a 10 year old boy but WHY?!?! Almost as bad is the performance by Zooey Deschanel. She acts like a child as well and that can't be just a coincidence?!?! She has these enormous eyes that are constantly zoomed in on as she just plain acts BAD!! The two of them together make a deplorable twosome with some sort of back story about them and their wedding that we are never privy too. John Leguizamo CAN act. I've seen it...and this is not it. He's acting almost as poorly as Wahlberg and has that child like quality about him too. There is some bad blood between his character and Deschanel's character but we don't know why and don't care really. The supporting cast aren't really terrible, they just aren't in it much and we don't care because the lead cast is so awful.
Is M. Night Shyamalan trying to create a movie that is so bad it will become a cult classic twenty years from now? Is that his twist? Will he pop out twenty years from now when the Golden edition Red Ray disk version is released and say HA I PLANNED YOU ALL TO LIKE IT IN TWENTY YEARS!! Is there some hidden mystery to the lead cast acting like children? Is it some message about purity and environmental ruin? There has to be something...someone please save the reputation of M. Night Shyamalan for me because this film single handedly ruined him as one of my favorite directors and yet I hold hope that there is something more, something fiendishly clever about the movie. I kept wondering if the twist would be that all these people were filming a bad B Movie like Godzilla or Valley of The Dolls or something but no it appears that it just might be that bad. But to hold out hope I will not rate this movie for the first time in 700 reviews!! I only encourage film buffs to watch this and try to find for yourself the reason why it is terrible but do not go see this expecting to be entertained because it is ridiculous!! A summer bomb by any stretch of imagination!!