I paid for it, I can say what I want.

Rating: 1/10 (19 June 2008)

Unfortunately, there's not much to say. I find it funny that critics who praise this movie fall into two broadly different groups: those who think the movie is intellectual, and those who say it's supposed to be a campy B-movie. Does anybody else find that odd? To the first group, I GET IT ALREADY! This movie sends the message that we're destroying the planet, and particularly disrespecting the flora (look! I can use smart words too!). So what? Good idea, bad execution. A poor attempt at edutainment is still poor.
To the second group, this message: You're mistaken, it's called bad acting. Believe me, Good Vibrations won't support Mark Wahlberg's dead weight forever if he doesn't stay away from these awful jobs. I wouldn't be surprised if "it's supposed to be a B-movie" was a rumor spread by M. Night himself as his latest cop-out.
And guess what? That twist that tends to reconcile his movies? Nonexistent. The audience learns about halfway into the movie (if even that far) that the enemy might be...
...
...
plants. Yep. Granted, I won't break apart this idea as to why it's not possible, because frankly, I can't prove that it isn't. This is actually a good idea for a movie, it just didn't pan out here.
So the audience is thinking, "M. Night WANTS us to think it's plants!" Well of course he does, because it's the truth. His regular cameo should have had an appearance in this movie; he could have had a walk-on to say "No, really. It's the plants". At least that would've been proper comic relief.
You KNOW a thriller is bad when you crack a joke about the lame acting to your friend next to you, and the five nearest strangers chuckle. Not only did this happen for the showing I attended, but the whole unremarkable crowd was laughing together at times, WITHOUT ANY JOKES BEING MADE.
I would like to close with two things, the first being my only praise for this movie: Within the first five minutes, there is a scene where a group of construction buffs witness the death of one of their coworkers. This is one of the best acting moments I have ever seen- the men look generally horrified and dumbstruck. I can't describe the greatness of this scene and the hope it gave me for this movie. Unfortunately, the hope was short-lived. But with any luck, these actors (or at least the one with the walkie-talkie) will be recognized for their amazing performances.
My second closure is a short list of memorable lines: Unnamed Nature Guy: "Hot dogs get a bad rap. They have a nice shape, they have protein..." Unnamed Nature Guy: "Do YOU like hot dogs?" Elliot (this is the protagonist, but you'd be hard-pressed to remember his name, I had to look it up): "I hear wind from outside." No dip, Marky Mark.
Elliot: "(insert some idiotic school science mantra)" I can't remember the exact monologue for this one, but Elliot apparently needs to recite something akin to the Scientific Method just to figure out he should stay away from the wind and dying people just over the hill. You can't miss this scene, it comes off as ridiculous.
Josh*: "Open up, B*TCHES!" Josh*: "Come on, you p*ssies!" Jess: "Auntyalmailoveyou." This is my literal interpretation of the statement, which comes off so suddenly and blandly you'll do a double take.
*A final FINAL note about Josh; he was played by actor Spencer Breslin, who I previously worshiped for his role in "The Kid", which I love. THAT'S a movie worth watching, and is the only source of regret I had when Breslin's character was shot on screen. Believe me, there was no character-audience ties there whatsoever, no emotional connection, this was a LOL moment in the movie.