M Night Shyamalan's Raging Inept Film-making

Rating: 1/10 (13 June 2008)

Hi guys...Sorry I made such a bad film. My heart just wasn't into it since FOX wouldn't let me write myself in as a major character. I'm sorry for the insipid dialog, slow pacing and overall retarded premise. I really phoned this one in. First, I must give an overdue thanks to Dan Lauria (The Wonder Years) for introducing me to Hollywood and helped me get my first gig with the film WIDE AWAKE that starred Rosie O'Donnell. Dan's a great actor and I never once gave him a part in any of my films because I believed I was a better actor.
Now, since I'm being forthcoming, let's take a look at my other "great" achievements: The Sixth Sense = Truth be told, I read this book by Richard Matheson called Stir of Echoes and I stole the entire story and just renamed it.
Unbreakable = well, I stole that from my kid.
Signs = I stole this from an assortment of David Koepp material. He even later discussed me in various interviews of how much I seem to borrow from him. Well, I love the guy's work and will continue to steal from him in the future.
The Village = While digging through my kids' bedroom, I found one of their school books and loved the cover which features a young blind girl, in a red cloak...the book's called RUNNING OUT OF TIME. It's published by Scholastic. I'll admit that I stole the entire story and retitled it. The author got upset, sued Disney and they paid out 10 million dollars. Then we collaborated on a public story saying that we had "creative" differences and my contract was severed. Oops.
Lady in the Water = I thought for my next, I should steal from the foreign market...I found this BETA tape of a film called The Time Travelers and I wrote the same story, in English, and called it my fairytale. Nobody understood it because nobody went to see it.
Now, we're stuck with The Happening = I stole this from a classic novel called Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham.
I am not a good filmmaker. I got lucky because I suck wieners like Eli Roth.