This is a terrible, terrible film

Rating: 1/10 (6 July 2008)

I left the theater thinking that either Shyamalan made this movie ironically, or he is terrible at every aspect of film-making. I have seen all of Shyamalan's films save Lady In The Water and if you liked all of those, you will probably like this one. That said, this film is worse than any of them. It is a terrible, terrible film. I couldn't help but wonder how Shyamalan got these actors to take part in this god-awful production. Did he change the script after they'd signed on? Did he show them fake dailies so they'd come back the next day? Were they drugged with copious amounts of Special K? Only Shyamalan knows for sure. I have read that this film was intended to be a "fun B-movie" and if that is the case I can see where the attempt was made, but showing a boom mic during every conversation multiple times is not clever, it is distracting and makes my brain hurt in ways I cannot explain without multiple charts with cartoon lightning bolts on them. I enjoy B-movies, but they have several traits which this movie lacks. For one, B-movies are allowed to have bad acting, obvious screw-ups and stilted dialogue because they are rushed and made for next to nothing compared to standard cinema fair. This film has all of those bad acting concessions, but while it could be argued that the shooting for this film was relatively brief, but anything over $1 million was to much spent to make something of this grade. It should also be noted that B-movies are explicitly designed to pander. They are cheesecake. They rarely have a message and if they do, it is so subtly done as to be entirely absent from spoken dialogue (take Night of The Living Dead as an example). Thsi film bookends with the message explicitly stated by characters looking directly at the screen. A final defense made for this film is that it is an original tale told subtly that acts a respite to the mountains of remakes, sequels and schlock drivel often found at theaters today. Well ignoring that this film is apparently intended to be the schlock horror that it's fans decry, this film, while of a vaguely original concept, is very much just as bad as any Dukes of Hazzard or Meet The Spartans. The sole difference being that everyone knows those films are pointless trash and no one denies that. This film tells you it's important, it's fans tell you it's important, but if you knew nothing about Shyamalan you would assume that this was a cranked-out summer placeholder, likely to be followed next summer by The Happening 2: It Happens Again. In closing this is a very bad film. Not good bad, not funny ironic bad, but poorly done bad, even mean-spirited prank played on the viewing public bad. If you're looking for a film with an original concept and powerful message, watch WALL-E at a late showing. You won't get cinephile street cred for saying you thought it was great, but you also won't spend the whole thing wishing you'd downed a bottle of Hydroxezine with a bottle of vodka before hand. Please Mr. Shyamalan, stop making movies. You're hurting me.