Breaking Wind Forces Marky Mark to Value Social Distancing

Rating: 3/10 (20 May 2020)

I never thought I'd see "The Happening" again, but since I've been seeking out a bunch of movies of late that may seem relevant to today's real-world pandemic, it's taken on added interest. It's still a very bad movie, though. The plot is the standard game of apocalyptic fiction of running away from disaster. Dialogue is trite to atrocious, including Mark Whalberg trying to remember aloud the scientific method and John Leguizamo reciting nonsense statistics. Little is done with the urban-rural dichotomy, and the Underground Railroad subplot is out of place. Attempts to interject human interest into the main characters are pathetic, including a squabble over the relation of a dessert to marital infidelity--or some such rubbish. Characteristically, Whalberg, as a science teacher, of all things, and Zooey Deschanel, as--give me a break--emotionally reserved, are wretched. With the threat of such an acting couple procreating, it makes sense the world would naturally try to reject it. Heck, it's understandable just as a means to stop Marky Mark from mis-teaching that class.... The bees are dying from environmental destruction; it's not a mystery to never be solved, you self-satisfied ignoramus. There, I said it.
The obvious message of the picture is of environmental warning, with post-9/11 threats of terrorism serving as red herring. Beyond plants blowing in the wind, however, this seems prescient given current events as of this writing, as the characters temporarily learn to survive by socially, or physically, distancing from each other. Find yourself in a large group, the wind blows the wrong way, and the virus spreads. Sounds familiar. Even staying indoors isn't entirely safe due to air circulation and due to Whalberg inevitably rejecting what little wisdom he's learned to risk exposing himself and those he loves to deadly contagion. For the safety of one's enjoyment as a movie spectator, it's probably best to stay away from this one.