Everything that La La Land did right, this movie did 100% WRONG

Rating: 1/10 (13 February 2018)

Where do I even start. I'm not even a movie critic, but this is the first time I've left a cinema feeling insulted at how frustratingly terrible a movie is. I was so excited to see this, especially after seeing La La Land, I honestly thought this would be better, since I liked some of the songs and the cast of this movie are much more musically talented. But this movie is nothing. There are too many clashing plot lines, the choreography is either too distracting from the music or CGI-altered and sped up, the cinematography was OK but did not tie into the structure of the movie one bit, making it seem extremely pretentious. The characters were so inconsitent that Tommy Wiseau could have done a better job at writing them up. I fail to understand how this is a biographical movie. I know nothing about P.T. Barnum at all and everybody was moaning about historical inaccuracies, which I haven't researched at all, but the conflict was some of the most cliched and forced I have ever seen, so even then I could see right through this aspect and agree with the critics on, as it was reminiscent more of Eastenders than Evita. The music was OK, nothing special but I'd probably put the soundtrack on whilst in the kitchen or something and hum along. The movie kept doing the hack musical movie thing where it alluded to classic musicals to try and get nostalgic tingles or something, which La La Land mastered perfectly, but the difference here wasthat it had no point or connection to the story, and was so blatantly obvious that I just kept rolling my eyes. The performers were all very talented, but their talents were just wasted through lack of direction and characterisation. I still don't know anybody's name, except for P.T. Barnum and Charity (and that was only because my friend laughed at how stupid that name was the minute it was mentioned). I mean don't get me wrong, I can see why people enjoy this film and I really have no problem if people do. But I'm actually baffled, and seeing so many people defending this trash is seriously starting to do my head in. It's not revolutionary at all. In terms of movie-making there are countless modern musical movies such as Chicago, La La Land, Moulin Rouge and Hairspray that will offer you everything this movie does and more - a consistent story, believable characters, comedy, charm, a variety of structured and well-performed songs that don't all sound the same, incredible choreography and stunning cinematography. Cult musicals like Mamma Mia, Rocky Horror and High School Musical offer you a feel-good time, more so than this. At least they can be ironically appreciated. This movie is just terrible, and I don't even care enough to conclude this review because I'm so fed up of talking about it.