Waste of time

Rating: 3/10 (9 February 2008)

I love ripping apart these over-hyped "must-see" pictures, which only enforce my belief, that great actors don't necessarily make for a good movie. Granted, the line-up here is impressive: DeNiro, Pesci, Jolie and Damon (in order of acting ability), but when the storyline itself falls flat on its ass, not even such a cast can save you from succumbing to a painful state of reptilian boredom.
I won't bother going through the twists and turns of the movie (there are actually a few during this 3-hour viewer torture contest), since according to most people, this is the kind of movie you have to watch carefully, and maybe even a few times in order to fully grasp the supreme idea behind it all. So-called "intelligent cinema". Bull***t. The ending could be predicted after the first 15 minutes, the acting is sloppy (except Jolie, though her role has been clearly downgraded to staying in the shadow of Damon), and even the great DeNiro and Pesci are only seen for an approximate 10 minutes (combined).
Cold War, spying, CIA, politics... all the elements for an excellent script are there, but this thing just fails to impress on any level. Damon's role as the cold, stone-faced CIA robot is interesting for the first 15 minutes, but becomes just drunkenly hilarious to watch for 3 hours, as the guy seems more and more constipated with his role as the movie progresses. F-1 driver Kimi Raikkonen would have been the ideal pick for the part. And at least, he's far more entertaining to watch than this dude.
The other problem with this movie is, that it just doesn't seem to end. Every scene just drags on and on, with the same boring dialogue and Damon's ever-constipated presence. The height of stupidity is achieved with the scene, where Matt "Somebody Please Get Me Drunk Already" Damon looks at his son, knowing he has just ordered the assassination of his son's bride on the day of their wedding, and goes over to comfort his suffering child, still wearing the same stone face expression. Angelina Jolie, also present, has to hide inside the church in order not to overshadow Damon's moment of stone-faced emotion, with some actual acting ability.
I hadn't laughed this hard at an unintentionally funny movie moment since Titanic.
In conclusion, don't watch this movie, unless you are suffering from severe insomnia. This shall heal your condition in no time.