Tired Old Teen Comedy Beast...

Rating: Null/10 (16 March 2004)

Maddis - 4/10
Oh won't the tired old teen comedy beast stay in it's cave, roll over on it's back, raise it's four padded paws and utter a last warm dying breath so we can have something new...Not Yet...
Girl Next Door certainly had promise as the next American Pie, Last American Virgin, Risky Business, you name it cliché teen movie but fails to deliver in an over saturated plot with a great opening and mild peaks in performances. Timothy Olyphant shines as the smart-witted, smooth, yet violent porn pimp. Olyphant's character and relationship with Elisa Cuthbert is taken almost straight out of 1986's Something Wild with Melanie Griffith (free spirited victim) and Ray Liotta (crazed ex-husband) with Emile Hirche sitting in for a teen Jeff Daniels.
Regardless of the repeat plot themes, the movie had promise to show some originality but slips back into the "need a laugh, show a teen in a sexually awkward moment" filler for the overlong 110 minutes.
Emile Hirsh plays the sexually frustrated yet bland teen with a mix of college ambition and supportive parents, mixed with president of the school, mixed with sneaking out for a mid-morning beach trip character that will have you wondering "will this character ever be consistent?". Hirsh holds the screen in the early stages but then seems a little too mature for the role he plays. Suspending disbelief is one thing but you will continually ask yourself "would such a smart teen realistically be put in these situations?"
Never quite finding it's ground the plot skips around from comedic fantasies played out in Matthew's head, to brushes with the porn pimp, to road trip, to prom, to X-rated video in the school locker room and finally back around to romance. These scenes are interesting taken on their own but do not connect when put together. The trailer smartly focuses on the fantasy, first-person aspect of the movie which would have played well had the filmmaker stuck with it. The trailer combined with the 10-minute scene "conveniently" leaked over the internet did well to market this comedy as a must-see and certainly highlighted the best of the movie. Instead we are jerked back and forth through the story almost as if shot by different directors.
Strong performances by Dano and Marquette although they both seem miscast with Hirsch. Standing out awkwardly as a group, the only time these two supporting actors shine is when they are together alone. A movie with these two and their misadventures might have been better. Cuthbert is great on screen but certainly deserves a stronger lead that what this film offered. She will most certainly use this as a launching pad for better projects.
Sure to go straight to video after a short stint in the theaters, wait for a late night viewing of this movie on cable and steer clear of the sure to be dead-in-the-water sequel that will hopefully put this beast to death.

Maddis 4/10