You might just choose to take a shower afterwards.

Rating: Null/10 (16 June 2004)

*Throws my arms up* I don't really know what to say. I know that will shock a lot of people, especially anyone that knows me, but it's true. Well, I do know a few things to say, so I'll give it a shot. This had the potential to be a good movie, but the subject matter is just too uncomfortable for me. The movie has its funny moments, and the actors mostly do a credible job, but I can't throw my support behind a movie that chooses to turn the porn industry into a great, big, huggable teddy bear.
Emile Hirsch ("The Emperor's Club") does a good job, but man, he's totally channeling Kevin Arnold! WHERE'S PAUL PFEIFFER WHEN YOU NEED HIM???? And Elisha Cuthbert looks mighty fine, but I don't know if I completely bought into their relationship. I was surprised when I found out they were supposed to be the same age in the movie. In real life she's three years older than he is, and she looks even older than that in the movie. But the scene-stealer in this movie is Timothy Olyphant. At times he seems like a good guy with a good heart, and then he turns around and makes you think, "Whoa, what a psycho." Granted, I'm sure many people have felt the same way about their relatives, but this guy is an extreme case.
My main problem is "The Girl Next Door" is clearly marketing itself as a teen movie (just watch any of the recent commercials), yet it seems to send a message that hey, a little pornography might just be a worthy after-high-school business plan! "You're a straight-A student, but you don't have the money to go to Georgetown? Noooooo problem, hook up with a porn star, film a porn flick in your school library, and make tons of money!" Am I the only one who finds that to be an inappropriate message? I hope not. I sure know Jack Arnold wouldn't have stood for this!
THE GIST
Why use your intelligence or hard work to solve a problem when you can fall back on the old "sex sells" adage, "The Girl Next Door" asks. Well, why spend your hard-earned money on this movie and prove them right, is what I ask. And don't call me a prude. We're talking about a movie that wants its intended teen audience to think that the porn industry offers some viable after-school career options. It doesn't take a preacher or an episode of "7th Heaven" to realize that message is a bit problematic.