Idiotic movie for idiots

Rating: 1/10 (28 December 2005)

I have to admit, when I finished watching this, I was not entirely sure if I had seen a good or a bad movie. I thought maybe the incoherent, surreal, nonsensical lack of a story was intentional, that maybe this was multilayered and deep and I missed the symbolism or something. I thought about it for a good, long, hard 10 seconds, then decided that no, it was just trash. I mean, sometimes it can take hard work to make a movie this weird, but I'm pretty sure this was by accident.
Let me put it to you this way: if you were amused by the phrase "long, hard 10 seconds" in the above paragraph, you will think this movie is a classic. Actually, no, you probably won't. You will be disappointed because there is no nudity. That's right: a movie about porn stars and the porn industry, and that condones porn as a good thing, has NO NUDITY. What the hell kind of message is THAT sending? I'm not even going to bother explaining the plot, because there is none. There's about a thousand different climaxes (haha, I said climaxes), and the movie contradicts its own attitude toward porn even more times than that. If you can make sense out of this mess, consider yourself a genius (or an idiot. I'm not sure).
Other users have mentioned the movie's depiction of Asians is "borderline racist." I think the word they're looking for is "downright," not borderline. Here's a true story: when I was 12, I started taking a tally on how many American comedies attempt to get laughs out of minorities swearing in goofy accents. Including this movie, that number has now surpassed 5 trillion (and the only time it has ever been funny was in "Office Space"). Anyway, if you think an Asian kid wearing huge glasses and talking like Elmer Fudd is high comedy, this is the movie for you. If, however, you are not a racist dumbass, you'll want to avoid "The Girl Next Door," and stick to something a little more watchable, like "Manos: Hands of Fate."