Monumental Disappointment

Rating: 6/10 (16 September 2006)

Pay for Quicktime, download the trailer, and keep it in your archives, because that's as good as it gets for this movie. I waited for it to be good all the way through, and then it was over. There was no Indiana Jones meets 2001, which the trailer clearly suggests. The movie is basically set in the present, with characters in the past and future taking part only as metaphorical allusions to those in the present as Weisz' character has written them down in a book. And the handling of some things was just clumsy. For example, why do the Spaniards all speak English, but the Mayan Priest apparently speaks Mayan? Either you're making a movie for the English Market like Gladiator, or Kingdom of Heaven, or you're trying to be accurate and you have all of the characters speak their proper languages. And the bald Jackman floating in space? Those scenes were so poorly conceived that I didn't know whether or not he intended the audience to laugh. Not only that, but the only part of the quest we see is the present day Jackman looking for a cure for cancer. In the past, we only join the quest when he's already found the location of the tree and in the future portion of the film, he's just floating aimlessly and looking insane while he waits to arrive in Xibalba, with Weisz' character showing up every now and then and telling him to 'Finish it'. Even though the film is such that it's worthy of ridicule, the visuals (the 30 second sequence at the end that you see in the trailer) could merit an Oscar. But the film itself should probably win the Golden Raspberry as worst of the year. I've been telling everyone I know that this was the film to see this year for the past 3 months, and frankly I'm embarrassed to admit that now. So, save your money, and let's hope that whoever owns the rights to Lone Wolf and Cub comes to their senses and kicks this guy to the curb. There's only one phrase from the movie that I will take with me. "Death is the road to awe". I imagine Mr. Aronofsky's career is feeling pretty awe-struck right about now.