oh jeez

Rating: 2/10 (15 August 2012)

As I watched this movie I thought, man, Hugh Jackman is really good at crying. I mean, it takes talent to boo hoo with a camera right in your face. Hats off to the guy. This is his only emotion in the entire movie. He is constantly distraught as he struggles to find the secret to immortality. Why? Is it a manly quest to fight his own destiny? No, stupid! He's trying to save his dying wife. Boooriiing!
As we watch Huge Ackman cry nonstop, we also see the story of a book that his wife has written. There's a part in this book when some old dude holds a dagger up to the night sky and lines some stars up through the holes in the dagger (like in the Goonies). this is how he finds the location of the tree of life. It's the Orion constellation. It's visible worldwide. You could hold that dagger up anywhere on the planet and line up the stars. Sheesh! And then, get this... it starts pouring rain! Guess what. It doesn't rain when you can see the stars. DUH! If my wife was such a sloppy writer, I'd divorce her.
There's also a part when they're star gazing and she says,"it's actually not a star, it's a nebula surrounding a dying star." Uhhh... so it's a star then.
In the end, Hugh becomes immortal and travels through space in a snow globe with his wife as a tree. He thinks blowing her up in a dying star will bring her back. So he spent MILLIONS of years being devoted to this quest. He never met another babe in all that time? Wow. He doesn't want his wife's ghost bugging him, either. Probably cuz you can't have sex with a spirit (like in Ghostbusters).
Listen IMDb, you keep tricking me into watching bad movies because of all these good reviews. Cut it out already! I'd rather watch The Wrestler.