You stole an hour and a half of my life, and I want it back

Rating: 1/10 (25 June 2011)

When you begin a story there's a difference between intrigue and a big ball of boring confusion that lasts an hour and a half and never gets resolved. Guess which category The Fountain falls in.
The check marks on this movie are endless, so I'll just list some of its prime features: Wooden dialogue, Ridiculous Zen scenes, annoying woman protagonist, multiple Lord of the Rings rip offs (including exact quotes AND scenes!,) boring everything, no plot, unacceptable.
I would like to highlight the ending scene; Hugh Jackman is trying to fight his way past this Mayan priest, the priest is about to stab him, then suddenly Hugh (a rugged, bearded, Spanish conquistador), turns into a golden, balded, floating buddhist. Naturally, the Mayan priest kneels and offers his neck to be slit. Had this been marketed as a comedy I would have given it two stars because I was laughing so hard, but alas, this was marketed as a 'deep, intellectual romance,' so no go.
I'm adding some one liners to help better understand this abomination: The plot line was meant for a postcard. Hugh Jackman escaped with his career. The Fountain is to movies as Illinois is to America. This is your brain (hold up DVD player), this is your brain on drugs (insert The Fountain into DVD player). I'd rather be watching Oprah. I wish I had Alzheimer's. Take your favorite book ever, burn the pages, poop on the ashes, smear it on your best friends car and call it The Fountain. This is why nobody likes vegetarians. This is why good men die young. This is why Rodney Dangerfield got no respect.
There is a bright side to The Fountain, I've learned some valuable life lessons: Never trust Family Video Employee Picks of the Month, and socialism sucks.
I cant believe this movie has a 7 rating. This was awful, and I know awful, I've seen Out for a Kill.