Ridiculously stupid

Rating: 2/10 (29 July 2007)

Much disappointment and a severe dosage of boredom is what I felt after watching this. I don't know what this was supposed to be, I don't know what it's called, and I don't care whether it belongs in a subcultural branch of art called avantgarde or whatnot, but this was simply ridiculous.
I generally love puzzling thrillers, dramas and movies that make you think. I love being left breathless after one finishes, having to rethink it, and I love the goosebumps some give me. But this was not it.
If someone thinks a mix up of these three stories (a conquistador in New Spain looking for a Mayan pyramid, a scientist trying to beat death by injecting root juice from African trees into monkeys with tumors, and a monk in pajamas traveling through space in a bubble with a tree tattooing himself and believing the tree won't die if they reach a dying star in time, in a friggin' bubble!) is entertaining, heartbreaking or amusing, or all three, fine by me, I'm not here to point fingers and judge, but I didn't see it that way. The story is ridiculously stupid, and this whole movie is generally liked by the big-shots because it has to be. It would be unpopular and uncool if it wasn't, kinda like it would be uncool for Mr. and Mrs. Smith to be unpopular simply because it's Pitt and Jolie who play the protagonists.
About performance... Jackman failed miserably. This is out of his league. No, it's more like.. he's out of this story's league. He can do better, this was just humiliating. As for Rachel... well, I've never been a big fan of hers, but this role suited her... no emotions needed to be shown, and most of the time she was quiet or in bed. Meh...
Anyway, honestly, I know the exact kind of people that would adore this movie... so... if you're bisexual, like wearing sweaters or scarfs even when it's hot and sunny or in closed spaces, if you looove to smoke but you're totally a vegan and love the nature (!!) and if you frequently engage in conversations about god and/or yoga, this is the movie for you. If, however, you're a mean bitter individual who demands an understandable and effective story that took more than a week to write, like me, don't watch this.
Cheers