Stank to high heaven

Rating: Null/10 (11 January 2003)

I logged on to IMDB tonight because I happened to catch 20 minutes or so of an Uma Thurman film that turned out to be "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues." What I saw of it was so horrible that I was not surprised to see an almost unanimous line of unfavorable comments. Had I seen all of the movie, I would probably have re-thought my list of Top 5 Worst Ever.
Since that list was formed in my head before IMDB came along, I've never checked out what other folks thought about the films I would place there, so I immediately thought, "Let's see what people have to say about 'Fifth Element.'" Imagine my surprise to find very favorable - no, I'd say "glowing" - comments about this dogpile of a movie. I respect anyone's right to an opinion, especially about a creative field like movie-making, but I just have to suggest that either I or they were smoking some serious crack while watching it, because there is no way we're talking about the same two hours of our lives.
Oh, wait, they are talking about that shrill, unfunny Ruby Rod character (compares to Jar Jar Binks in extreme annoyance, now that I think about it), so I guess we saw the same movie. Now, I like odd, off-key movies as much as the next "World According to Garp" or "How to Get Ahead in Advertising" fan, but I honestly have to say that "Fifth Element" ranks up there on the Worst Ever list with "Orlando," "Spaceballs" and "Full Metal Jacket." (Yes, I am a Kubrick fan, so describing his too-little/too-late "wasn't Vietnam a bad thing?" brutality festival a Worst Ever film is painful.)
In short, sometimes Weird is Good, but sometimes Weird just plain Stinks.