This is from the same mind that gave us "The Professional"!?

Rating: 5/10 (1 January 2012)

I've never particularly enjoyed the whole space-age sci-fi stuff, but when I saw that "The Fifth Element" was directed by Luc Besson - the creator of the brilliant film "Leon: The Professional", I thought I would give this one a shot.
The film opens in Egypt, 1914. A team of archaeologists or historians of sorts are examining ancient runes. These runes turn out to be a prophesy about the state of the Universe far into the future - a state wherein a Fifth Element is needed in order to prevent everything from falling under the rule of darkness. Right off the bat, the script is smart and creative, the visuals are beautiful to look at, and I'm ready to settle in for another Besson masterpiece... Then in roll the aliens.
Have you ever seen "The Dark Crystal"? If not, all you need to know is that it's a laughably awful movie from the creator of The Muppets which happens to have a very similar storyline - and the stupidest looking puppets ever designed. Well, the aliens that landed in Egypt in 1914 apparently came straight from that horrible movie. So much for my high expectations.
Cut scene to 300 years later where Jedi Master Bilbo Baggins - aka Father Cornelius played by the very talented Ian Holm - is talking to what I imagine to be the President of the Universe(imagine the election process) about the all-powerful elemental stones and the perfect being that will play a key part saving all life from falling under evil forces. Yadda-yadda-yadda. Cool.
On that note, we meet Bruce Willis who is reprising his role in "Die Hard" in the form of Korben Dallas - a washed up hover-taxi(gag me)driver with more to him than meets the eye. But for now, all he wants is to avoid losing another point off of his license and to find the perfect woman to settle down with. BAM. Who else should fall through the roof of his cab but an orange haired and babbling Milla Jovovich - who just so happens to be, well, the perfect woman. She's even gift-wrapped in a strategically placed ribbon. Oh yeah, she's also the Fifth Element. How perfect! But what's a space flick without a campy villain working for the forces of evil? Enter Jean Baptist Emanuel Zorg, an intergalactic arms dealer who is trading his weapons for the aforementioned stones so that he can hand them over to the bad guys... Pfft, Who needs a future of peace and happiness for all living beings? Apparently not this guy, who looks like Deep-South Hitler combined with the Gay Pride Parade - And is played by none other than the fab-u-lous Gary Oldman. Zorg is one of the many many factors that make this film completely ridiculous, but he is nonetheless the most entertaining thing about it.
That's really all I'm going to tell you for now plot-wise, but if you decide to watch this film, keep in mind that you are in for a frenetic and obnoxious space adventure that combines every element from every nonsense space film ever created into a big,cheesy,ultra-campy, but undeniably captivating mess. Why is it captivating? Well, it's certainly not anything to do with Chris Tucker's teeth-grindingly irritating performance as big media personality with hair resembling either a handgun or a penis, but because of Besson's imaginative use of bright colours, fast-paced storytelling, amusing characters, and that hauntingly beautiful voice of an odd-looking blue Diva.
Does this redeem Fifth Element from its many flaws? Certainly not. I mean, there's hardly a moment where someone isn't stuttering or just spewing out nonsense in a whiny voice, the dialogue can be super-lame at times, and Besson's futuristic universe looks as though it was engineered by 12 year old boys who spend every Saturday morning watching the Jetsons... And as for the costumes? I weep for the future of fashion.
So I'm giving this movie a 5/10. It was completely silly from start to finish, but as long as you don't take it seriously, it's kinda cute. I would recommend it for younger audiences.