A rebuttal to all the negative reviews

Rating: 7/10 (5 January 2019)

How do people rate films? (To say nothing of criticism, because a two-line review that says "I was bored" or "I hated it" does not qualify as such, plain and simple.)
Most of it comes down to expectation vs perceived reality. Here, some reviewers were clearly expecting a "vehicle for Emma Stone's acting talents" or a "British period piece" or a "comedy with bits of thriller thrown in".
Fools! Squares! This is a Yorgos Lanthimos film, first and foremost. If you have no prior knowledge of what that means (and are not a fan of bizarre, offbeat, off-color cinema), you will probably be baffled, repulsed, or bored. You will clearly miss out on a nuanced and engaging study of character and a darkly comic power struggle. And of course, it wouldn't be a Yorgos film if it didn't try to get at the nature of what love is and what it means to love someone by showing love through a prism of toxicity and garishness.
Here's a sampling of some of the specific complaints I read about here:

"The movie is weird." That's your problem for expecting something that's not weird. To reiterate, this is a Yorgos film. It's going to be weird, unsettling, and even kind of icky. I suggest you watch one of his other films before venturing to the theater to see if his style is a good fit for you. And no, it's not weird for the sake of weirdness, and its goal is not to upend British historical period piece tropes - it just tells a different story in its own style.

"The lead actresses curse too much." I guess it's supposed to render the film unrealistic for the period or something. Because clearly people here are experts on how British royalty talked in private! (Also, see "it's inauthentic" below.) Some people were more honest and simply said that they found it distasteful and vulgar, which brings me back to my original point: squares, please stay at home, watch a movie about golfers or binge on Friends or whatever else makes you feel safe and comfortable!

"I was expecting a comedy." Unfortunately, promoters of films need to pigeonhole them into some genre. Yorgos films aren't classifiable into genres. No, it's not the kind of film you would laugh out loud at. It's theater of the absurd - which means it's laced with dark humor all throughout - but it's not a comedy. Again, don't expect comedy - expect only Yorgos.

"There are sex scenes - how gratuitous and gross!" This one makes me angry the most. Not to spoil anything, but sex plays a central role in this narrative. Without the sex, there would be no story. If you don't get the point of the sex, you'll never understand the ending. For the record, the sex scenes are tame, matter-of-fact, and not at all graphic or gratuitous. There is nothing titillating or even glamorous about them. It's hard to fathom that in this day and age there are still enough prudes out there that would be put off by such things.

"The soundtrack is annoying." The soundtrack actually does a great job at complementing what's happening in the film, humbly serving its purpose in the background. It could have been way more atonal and intrusive. Broaden your musical horizons.

"It's inauthentic to the period." It's not supposed to be an authentic period piece - it's a character study. And actually, as far as authenticity goes, it probably does a better job at nailing what life was really like than a lot of other so-called "period dramas".

"I hated/didn't get the ending." Again, your fault for not paying attention and dozing off during the film. No, it's not the best ending ever, but it makes perfect sense if you understand what the film is actually about. To be honest, I knocked one star off because I felt like it could have been a bit stronger. But it doesn't ruin the rest of the film, and everything that needs to be explained is already explained by that point.

Anyway, to sum up: squares won't get this and will criticize it for being bizarre and vulgar. So if you're one of those people, don't watch it, plain and simple. Otherwise, enjoy another Yorgos film - which also happens to have lavish costumes and award-worthy acting.