AKA Point Break 2

Rating: Null/10 (22 March 2003)

I've been wanting to tear into this movie for quite some time. I just haven't been thinking about it because it was such a horrible movie. How this movie "catapulted" stars Vin "Every Race" Diesel and Paul "Keanu" Walker to the A-list boggles the mind. One, if you're making a movie about import cars, 20 to 1 people are going for the cars because they can relate. Two, if you're making an 'action' movie about import cars, you'll at least a decent story to build around it. Three, if you're making a movie about import cars, please please please do not add a rap artist with no acting talent make a 'cameo' AND make the soundtrack to the movie.

Well, "F&F" violates those three sacred Ebertclone rules of making a good Import Car movie. One, the movie WAS about the cars but hack/aging hipster/ director???Rob Cohen (Dragon, The Skulls) wanted to exploit the rising star who is known as Vin Diesel (aka Mark Vincent, whether he likes it or not). Hey, let's just make him the anti-hero, the one we're not sure we should root for! Two, instead of thinking of a story (we have that thing called a brain), let's just rent "Point Break" (coincidentally a Keanu/Patrick Swayze movie) and replace the surfing boards with import cars! And hey, let's make the bad guys Asian, because they haven't been the bad guys in the past 30 years of filmmaking! Three, let's get that midget no-talent Ja Rule to make a cameo in our movie because at the time he was at the top of the charts! Let's give him the dumbest lines uttered in movie history too! And give him the right to produce a horrible soundtrack too.
Nobody stands out in this movie. Not Michelle "Testosterone Pumped" Rodriguez, Matt "I'm A Bad Ass" Schulz, and not even the stunning Jordana Brewster. Okay, maybe if she got naked, I would actually like this movie a tad, but unfortunately she doesn't so this movie fails on all 'gears'. This movie even bites off "Point Break's" ending, showing no faith in the characters that they 'sketched'. The dialogue is atrocious, the action is implausible, and borderlines on parody ala "Commando." In fact, I believe "Commando" to be a way better film than this crap. The funny thing about this movie is that everything is taken seriously. Right down to the last line: "I owe you a ten second car." No, like we didn't see that coming. Stay far away. And a note to Ja Rule: Nobody lined up on a Friday night and paid $9 to see YOU.