Staggeringly bad

Rating: Null/10 (26 November 2001)

From the very moment the meaningless title (they're fast, sure, but what exactly are they furious about?) looms on screen, accompanied by the kind of deafening music that tw*ts play when they drive their souped-up nissans at three miles an hour down the Walworth Road in rush hour, you know you're in trouble. There's this guy, played by the worst actor in history, and he drives this green car and he fancies this girl, but she's the sister of the leader of this gang who hijack trucks full of DVD players, for no particular reason other than - hey - it beats working, and the guy, played by the worst actor in history (did I mention that already?) turns out to be - wait for it - a cop! Yawn. So, with a plot and characters and dialogue and acting all of a standard not seen on our screens since, well, the last terminally crap Hollywood drivel-fest, we can at least rely on the action sequences, right? Wrong. As soon as they start drag-racing and the cgi kicks in, all sensation of speed is eradicated, and you are left with a hollow, empty feeling. Car races/chases are exciting, aren't they? Well, they used to be, but they aren't any longer. Badly-edited computer-generated bullsh*t is not my idea of fun. Is it yours? And when the chases are done in the old-fashioned way (i.e. in broad daylight, so bad special effects have to be ditched in favour of actual film-making) you find yourself so bored by the characters' predicaments that no amount of pounding music and rapid editing can jolt you out of your stupour. Admittedly, the bald guy has a certain charisma, and can obviously act, but his presence only shows up the other fools in this film for the talentless space-fillers that they are. Who wrote this? Why? Who directed it? Was he/she awake during this process? Who created the "special" effects? Can they not tell the difference between "realistic" and "crap"? Obviously not