This was the worstess movie ever

Rating: Null/10 (10 February 2002)

This was the worstess movie ever. I went to see this movie and it was sold out all night. That was my first indicator; the bad movies always sell out first. (Duh!) But I finally got to see it anyways.
The dialogue of the movie was awful. It was absent of polyslavic words and its underuse of swearing and 5 dollars words made it unreal. Everyone knows that people who fix cars are idiots, but do they really have to stereotype them so? Also, their sentences and word order made sense instead of trying to rearrange words arbitrarily like some kind of altavista language translator. Hell, they should have made me the screenwriter so that I could write the script for a subculture I know nothing about. If you want real life dialogue, then go to a barbershop. I mean, you can usually get a good haircut for less than 8.25 and it would be just as entertaining.
The plot of the movie was bad, I mean sucked, yeah, sucked. This was about a bunch of cars going fast. I was expecting something more along the lines of Sense and Sensibility, but all I got was action instead. The characters were awful, exhibiting a range of emotions and dynamics. If you want to see fast cars, you should watch NASCAR. That is, unless you wanna see something besides an ovular race track populated by rednecks and West Virginians (my apologies to the cross-eyed, brilliant people of West Virginia). If you wanna see a GOOD movie about forms of transit, rent Thomas the Tank Engine.
Who hired these actors? Between their enjoyable roles and physical attractiveness, they were awful. Especially Vin Diesel. You could defenitely tell he was a complete wuss by the way he beat the living hell out of Johnny Tran. Give me five minutes in a phone booth with that alien killing maniac and only ONE will emerge baby. I guess when you make an independant film on a limited budget, you can't afford to pay Julia Roberts and Richard Gere 20 million each to play a hooker and closet homosexual every time.
I gave this movie a -1 out of 1 to 10 because its intensity and entertainment value were not worth me taking the night off at Starfucks. If I wanted to see real intensity, I should have stayed home and watched the new episode of Antique Road Show. Fast cars are overrated as well as attractive actors/actresses. Speaking of which, can anyone give me a ride home? -This whole article is merely a parody to voice my disdain at cocknockers who can't be satisfied with entertaining movies.