Old Fogey Test?

Rating: 2/10 (23 September 2002)

A boring Friday night with nothing on normal steam-powered telly so I part with three pounds and fifty pence to watch "The Fast and The Furious" on digital pay-per-view.
After it was all over the only positive thoughts in my mind was that enduring the movie 'on-demand' I had saved myself at least a tenner and had no physical evidence to dispose of in the local landfill. I had spotted this film on a supermarket shelf when it entered the DVD charts (early 2002) and I was tempted to buy. Yup I was nearly suckered by the hype about car stunts and babes. Fortunately I spent my money on routine groceries and as it turns out it was about the same quantity of cash spent on writing the plot.
Well fair do's in the end you do get some fast shiny car stunts and cliched Hollywood babes but nothing more noteworthy than the cheap US TV-movie standard car stunts and Hollywood babes you can stumble on channel-hopping Sky. You will not witness anything new or groundbreaking here. It does not get that fast and not particularly furious. At least to my eyes. On the other hand maybe this is the benchmark movie to test if you are an old fogey. Clearly from other reviews this must all look so different to the target early teen market. The only thing missing from this movie is "The Logical Song" by Scooter booming out of glossy hot-hatches as they pelt down the road.
Now there is a thought. Someone should make a Brit-movie remake with the aforementioned Supertramp track, visits to Halfords for the custom go-faster stripes, gold plated multi-coloured speaker cable and clip-on girth-boosting chrome tail pipes. Fat slags in Novas munching chips instead of Californian babes and Steve Coogan as the lead role. Call it "The Fat and the Spurious: Grim up North".
The Fast and The Furious. Without doubt the worst movie I have paid money to see in recent years.
G Cactus