I am getting old

Rating: 3/10 (4 July 2015)

Awful, awful. I avoided seeing any of the Furious movies for over a decade and maybe it was because of the teaser trailer. Maybe it was because it didn't show anything about what the movie was about or maybe it was because the movie itself wasn't aimed at me as an audience. I was almost thirty at the time, but I have enjoyed other movies that were not aimed at my age group like the first Spiderman movie which was released around the same time.
What I dislike about the first movie is the stupid dialogue. Yeah, yeah. I know it has something to say about loyalty and whatever but mostly sounds like it was written by a 13-year old. Spiderman was goofy in places but there is a weird kind of tone throughout this, especially in the scenes between Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.
There is one particular scene that I didn't get for the life of me. Diesel's thuggish best friend accuses Walker of being a cop and the two of them is ready to kill Walker, but the scene ends without a payoff what so ever. It just cuts to the next scene. What the f...! The friend does inspire one of the funniest scenes in the whole thing. The friend is about to cause trouble because he is incensed that Walker has been accepted so easily by Torreto (Diesel's name in the flick). Diesel loses his temper and says something like: "I didn't know you either and accepted you". The friend then replies: "We were 3, you idiot". Priceless, even though it's not totally verbatim. I honestly can't remember if I reversed the dialogue, but it is still funny as hell.
One more scene I have to mention which is unintentionally hilarious. Walker blows his pistons in the first race. Diesel says something like: "Oh, we better get that repaired". The car is steaming and 2 seconds later Walker's car is fine to drive. What did they do? Just throw the pistons in the hood and they magically attached and worked perfectly. Granted, I am not a mechanic but I know a car that has lost its pistons need more work than that. Then there is a guy who says: Cops are coming! Walker and Diesel flees in separate cars and for a very flimsy reason, Diesel decides to park in a garage and just slowly stroll down the street (check out the directors commentary).l The cops spot him and Walker picks him up (of course in the magically reconstructed car).
I know I am not supposed to nitpick at plot points like this but they are so obvious here. The races are few and far between which is another problem and they are hard to follow. One thing you could see is the lever that activates the nitrous oxide conveniently labeled "NOS". Again, hilarious.
There are a lot of other problems with the movie but let's just say I was thoroughly underwhelmed. I knew I was not supposed to see a piece of high art but come on; some b-movies make ten times more sense than this. I was also shocked to find out that Roger Ebert actually liked this and gave it three stars. He attacked films that had much better dialogue and plot developments than this. Maybe his illness was getting to him at that point, but I don't think so.
I know my commentary is a little long and perhaps a bit unfair because there are some good elements in the show. A sensational car chase at the end and the best part, Paul Walker, as I am saddened by his death. He could have done so much more than these picture and if you saw one of his first roles in Pleasantville you saw real potential. He looked a lot like a young Paul Newman and could have followed his path which makes his death even sadder. I guess the money eased his pain, though.
Note: Do yourself a favor and listen to the director's commentary. Not only is it hilarious but makes you understand the film a whole lot better. I changed my opinion from this being a terrible movie to a terrible movie with some good elements, if that has any relevance to anyone at all.