"These CGI flames are making me thirsty"

Rating: 4/10 (29 July 2012)

This should have been a great movie. Instead we got a remake of Arnie's "Commando" that takes itself too seriously.
"The Expendables" does have an all-star cast, but many of those are all-too-short cameos. While this adds a novelty value, it also breaks the suspension of disbelief and inevitably leaves you disappointed when those big names never return. I expected Bruce and Arnie parachuting onto the island with them. Instead we never see them again. In a sense, this leaves the audience feeling cheated because that wasn't what the movie promised.
The action is poorly filmed. Yes, it's shaky cam, but it also follows a recent trend in filming fights with disorienting close-ups so you're never sure what is going on. Nor do you care. The characterizations are poorly handled.
There's no attempt to introduce characters, and many of the actors have an air of smugness as if their mere presence on screen is a treat for the audience. I hate to break it to them but while there are some big names here, others are still largely unknown. As many of them sport bald heads it's hard to tell them apart. They could have called this movie "Stallone and a bunch of Bald Guys." The few attempts at humor fall flat. They could have had a lot of fun with the fact most of the actors here are old men, but they take themselves far too seriously for that and run around as if they're 20 year olds.
There's a lot of CGI. Some of it is clearly fake. When Road (Couture) falls into a flame-filled trench one can only think "These CGI flames are making me thirsty." There's a lot of CGI violence like people ripped in half, but it's so clearly fake it didn't bother me.
The plot is unimaginative and predictable. There is zero suspense. The sole twist is unconvincing. So is the idea that Stallone would return for a woman where there was no evident attraction and then leave so quickly at the end when he didn't have to.
I don't blame the actors for this (except for Stallone who directed it), but it does show that while these actors may be big names, much of their on-screen talent comes from the director and the film crews that bring them to life. Compare the flat performances here with what James Cameron did for Arnie in "True Lies," but this movie shows that Sylvester Stallone is no James Cameron. Only credit here I give here is to Mickey Rourke who does try and inject some humanity into his usual d-bag role.
"The Expendables" promises an all-star fun-filled outing, but it's a poorly made movie which doesn't deliver. Yet with a cast like this it literally couldn't fail and earned an undeserved $275M at the box office on its $80M budget. If you wonder why so many bad movies are being made, this is why; they make money regardless. The inevitable sequel will be out August 2012. I hope that Simon West who replaces Stallone as Director does a better job and can make a success of what should be a great franchise.