A mouth watering offer that just falls short of being awful but is a far way from perfect

Rating: 4/10 (23 August 2010)

STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning
Sometimes, a film comes along that offers so much on a plate and sets itself up to meet so many standards, that surely the result can only possibly be absolute perfection or one of the worst disasters of all time. In this case, and certainly for this critic, fans of 80s action movies and the stars which have retained an unwavering fan base to this day, namely director/star Stallone and some fellow relics, and some relatively young blood in comparison. In terms of star power, certainly, for the discerning action fan, The Expendables seems a mouth watering, irresistible prospect, with so much talent on display that together as one may be expected to deliver more than maybe on their own. Stallone is in on what he's presenting, a knowing throw back to the ultra violent, mindless, trashy action classics from their heyday in the 1980s. No one with an inkling of knowledge on these most guilty of pleasures would be expecting or looking forward to anything more than an undemanding slice of entertainment, which they could sit back, switch their brain off to and enjoy. In other words, no one should actually have expected too much of The Expendables in the first place. The sad thing is that it fails on this most simplest of counts, managing to fare as neither one of the worst films of all time or an action classic. Just an instantly forgettable mush that leaves no real mark at all.
The suitably apathetic plot has Stallone as Barney Ross, leader of the titular group of soldiers called in to risky situations, who finds himself approached by a mystery man to head to the South American island of Vilena to overthrow a seemingly power mad dictator, only to find he and his team may have been pawns in a game by the CIA to take out a rogue agent (Eric Roberts), who believes having power and money gives men the right 'to act like the a$$holes nature intended them to be.' Everything fails to go to plan, and the team retreat from the island, only for Ross's love of a woman there to tempt him to return there and save the day.
I don't mind that it's dumb. I don't mind that it's contrived (Stallone and co. bursting in just as some soldiers are about to extinguish a cigarette on his lady love...) or that it's predictable. I just wanted it to be fun, and this is sadly where the movie fails. For all it's blood splattering, shoot outs and cool explosions, it's shot in a turgid grey lens, and the humour fails to flow (despite the scene where Stallone meets Arnie and Bruce, and cracks about being president are made!) Stallone appears suitably bulked up, but his face is showing the signs of time, despite any surgery he may have had. It's nice to see Dolph Lundgren on the big screen again, but he has very much a supporting role here and his character fails to make any real impact, ditto Mickey Rourke after his recent acclaim for The Wrestler. Jet Li doesn't appear to be speaking English as well as he can, and Roberts is a weak, cardboard villain. Jason Statham delivers the most out of all, and his more charismatic presence would have been better served in, well, a better film.
This ends up coming off like the recent Righteous Kill, where all the hype of De Niro and Pacino being on screen together failed to live up to expectation. If Stallone had got this gang together maybe as recently as ten years ago, the results may have been better. As it is, it's showing the wear of time worse than it's stars. **