I got the testosterone, but where are the steroids?

Rating: 6/10 (17 August 2010)

If you're like me when you saw this film, I'm pretty sure you're a huge action movie fan as well. You name it, I love it: Face/Off, Die Hard, Rocky, Lethal Weapon, Rush Hour, First Blood, Terminator and my all time favorite Commando. The 80's action films to me are just beyond awesome, as stupid, cliché and ridicules as they are, they are so much fun. I cannot describe the fantastic time I have when watching a film like Commando. The weird thing is about a year ago I was telling my boyfriend that there hasn't been a real great action movie since Face/Off or Con Air. Most are going for the realism, there's no more cheesy one-liners, no cliché British villains, no insane crazy explosions where the hero of our story walks away unscathed. I had this sad face when saying that because I don't think we could ever have that again. But then I saw that The Expendables was in the works and I went insane calling my friends and telling them how I couldn't wait to see this movie. Stallone, Schwartenegger and Willis are back, it's like your favorite rock group from the 80's come back for the biggest concert and the final farewell.
A group of elite mercenaries, the Expendables: Barney Ross, former SAS soldier Lee Christmas, martial artist Yin Yang, sniper Gunnar Jensen , weapons specialist Hale Ceasar and demolitions expert Toll Road. Yang and Jensen have a brief fight, only for Ross to intervene. In the aftermath, Ross reluctantly releases Jensen from the Expendables due to psychological problems. Ross then goes to a church, where he and his rival, Trench meet "Mr. Church", who offers them a mission in Vilena, to overthrow a brutal dictator, General Garza. Busy with other things, Trench gives the contract to Ross. Ross and Lee Christmas do initial reconnaissance after meeting with their contact, Sandra, only for the mission to go awry. Sandra is revealed to be Garza's daughter. Ross then decides to abort, and causes casualties among the army as they escape, but feels guilt for leaving Sandra behind. The Expendables then infiltrate Garza's compound, with Ross bent on rescuing Sandra, while Christmas, Yang, Ceasar, and Road plant explosive charges throughout the site and prepare for battle.
Sadly, this film was a disappointment. Not to say that it was bad or anything, but it didn't have that "wow" factor that we wanted. This film has a pre-curse, most action movie fans knew what they wanted and had this movie already played out in their heads. I have to admit that maybe my expectations were too high, because I just felt sad after seeing it. Let's start with the villain, they didn't seem too threatening. First off they seemed to be more angry with each other than with our hero's, so ironically the hero's should just step aside and just let the villains beat up each other. Secondly, they were scary on some level, but I didn't feel that hatred for them like I did for the villains in Rambo that makes you want their blood to be splattered across the screen. Also Dolph Lundgren would have been a better villain as he's a more dimensional character that was a perfect opportunity for a traitor. I was so hoping for when Sylvester shot him two inches above the heart and Dolph asks him if he's going to die, Sylvester says "If you die, you die", wouldn't that have been the most perfect ironic line in the world? That would have made the film so much more awesome.
Speaking of which, Willis and Schwartzenegger are in it for barely 2 minutes, which was really depressing. I was telling my friend that what would have been great is to see these guys together in the final battle. Because the film also stars the upcoming great action stars, it would have been like them passing the torch. The film is also badly edited, I don't think Stallone is meant as an action director. The shots are too close up and gets you too confused to see who's fighting who. Jet Li who is an incredible martial artist is toned down too much. The whole motivation for Stallone to come back to the violence is for a girl who he doesn't even have a cliché kiss with! If this film had different stars in it, I think The Expendables would have been a terrific film, but because Stallone was saying that this was an "homage" to the 80's action films, this was a huge disappointment. I was so excited and just let down. The film had so much more potential, guess I'll have to wait for the 5th farewell concert for these guys. Because the sequel better be like that Itchy and Scratchy episode from The Simpsons where they were pointing guns at each other and they kept getting bigger and bigger, I want that with these guys. I want them to fly past the moon screaming all their famous one liners including Samuel L. Jackson screaming "That's what I'm talking about Motha-$#@$@$a!". Now that is an action film that will blow all the others out of the water.
6/10