Ka-Boom!

Rating: 5/10 (26 December 2012)

Billed as a reunion of the most stellar action heroes of our age, The Expendables is uber-violent, uber-loud, and uber-stupid.
We can't really fault Stallone and company though, can we? After all, these guys made their careers by starring in movies that are light on plot (with a few exceptions, of course) and heavy on ammunition/bone- breaking. Still, their previous efforts were, to a certain degree, effortlessly charming. With this most recent blow-em-up, the stars of the show—namely Stallone and Statham—do manage to bring some personality to an otherwise meat-headed testosterone-fest, but the feeling that it was made simply as a cash-grab to try and reel in fans of '80s action movies is undeniable.
One could certainly argue that The Expendables is as cheesy as it is for a reason—I mean, what better way to pay homage to the often ridiculous, bullet-ridden actioners of yesteryear? Again, though, things here feel a little too forced, and the painfully stilted dialogue often elicits more unintended wincing than it does chuckles. There's also the sense that what we're witnessing is a tad bit I don't know sad. Like so many aging actors participating in revitalized franchises that ended decades ago, there's a somewhat clumsy "last hurrah" tone that is, quite frankly, kind of depressing.
None of this means the movie is a total flop, however. As was demonstrated in Rambo's most recent reincarnation, Stallone has a knack for crafting some of the most over-the-top (i.e., gory) deaths that have come along in quite a while. It's nice to see an action film maintain an unapologetic demeanor from start to finish, and this is something that a good portion of the choppy, fast-editing directors of contemporary Hollywood could learn from.
Despite its successes, the sheer idiocy of the story dulls the welcome edge The Expendables is able to forge. So, instead of a well-made homage, we get a movie that's more "decorative shell" than "gutsy innards."
Kind of ironic, isn't it?