A séance that raises the ghosts of 80s action cinema with magnificent success

Rating: 9/10 (15 August 2010)

We just saw "THE EXPENDABLES" last night at a preview in London. We went in with a lot of fear and trepidation – Like all hyped movies there was a danger that all the excitement might collapse into a mass of disappointment, but fortunately this was not the case. "THE EXPENDABLES" has 2 mission statements. (1) Reunite the heroes of B-action movies from the last 3 decades and (2) Make a purposefully retro action movie in the style of the 1980s, something that seems to be becoming quite popular as that era fades away and a new generation exists who were never there. Happily it succeeds perfectly in both cases. Stallone hasn't really been off screen so we are used to him. Dolph Lundgrun, his classic sparring partner, though looked rather wasted and it was shock to see him again like this. My wife said he reminded her of Kris Kristofferson, but then that might just be the way Scandinavian tough guys age? Statham and Li, also former sparring partners, did their usual stuff alongside the old timers. Mickey Rourke was good in his cameo, which was obviously filmed during breaks from IRON MAN 2 as he was still wearing his Ivan Danko look. Willis has never been off screen and is anyway quite familiar in little cameos nowadays. Schwarzanneger's cameo was a short comedy triumph, something that takes us out of the movie for a couple of minutes as the two old rivals square up. The second aim, to make a retro 80's He-Man actioner was spot on! Stallone and the screenwriters made sure they ticked most of the boxes on the form – The plot was wonderful old school! Setting it in a fictional South American country (so as to offend no one) was also perfect, and of course it revolves around some half-assed Cocaine growing program (where would 80s action cinema have been without Cocaine?) The Villains were also spot on 80s vintage. General Garza and Munroe were just the kind of 1 dimensional half baked baddies our action heroes used to face off against, unthreatening, unscary unfit middle aged men with serious overacting problems who were usually played either by the over the hill character actors who needed the work or by members of the production staff doubling up!! (This is actually one case where Eric Roberts famous "skills" perfectly matched the character!) And of course this C-male villain had to have a real live wrestler as his henchman for heavy duty fights with the hero. (It was exciting in 2010 to see Stallone fight against another Wrestler baddie after the "Rambo" and "Rambo III" Soviet face offs. Plus of course Gary Daniels as kick-box henchman for Li and Statham to fight! ) Appropriately to the 80s genre, the women in this movie were both helpless victims there to be threatened and abused by bad men so they could be rescued by the good men. (This actually makes one think how far the representation of women has come in cinema in 25 years) The South Americans are also, in correct 80s mode, represented as primitive, backwards and living about 50 years behind the rest of us, helpless and cringing and in need of a big bad American saviour. The Action scenes were also 80s style, the "run and shoot", and though many have complained about CGI in some of them, bear in mind that they would have used it like this in the 80s had it existed. The Truck chase was also nice and 80s style, complete with crash and fight in (what else but..)a disused factory!! The look of the film also had that kind of smoky foggy look many 80s movies had, but cleaned up to fit 2010 standards. The dialogue was also perfectly 80s action, ie absolutely terrible, embarrassing to deliver and painful to hear, and apart from Rourke's much commented "Bosnia" monologue, the supposed moments of "drama" (Statham's love life problems, Garza's conflicts with Munroe about his daughter) have that same beloved sub-daytime soap feel about them. So as a teaming of the ageing Titans it works and as a Séance calling of a long dead genre it also works beautifully. Leaving the cinema we felt that wonderful rush of nostalgic glee one used to feel coming out of the fleapit. Of course it also makes you realise how far cinema, and indeed the world, has come since then. We live in less innocent times now, and watching those old movies again on DVD makes one realise this. The world has to go forward, but sometimes it is nice to have something from the old country once in a while, and this delivers it with style!! Alas many critics and members of the public have damned this film for having a rubbish story, pathetic villains, wooden acting, atrocious dialogue, sexist and racist attitudes, cheap look and mindless action, perhaps forgetting that this is the whole point! What they are damning is 80s action cinema, and B-movie genre pictures in general, as critics have always done anyway. But which movies do people flock to see on a Saturday night with their friends or partners? What gives us a jolt of guilty pleasure with a big tub of popcorn and a mega coke? Even down to today's B-Movie masters like Luc Besson and Paul WS Anderson, it is this hated cinema which makes the money for all the other projects, which keeps cinemas running, and which