Laugh out loud awful

Rating: 2/10 (11 August 2010)

A stunning meditation on the impotence of violence in the modern world and the dangers of fading action super stardom. Intelligent, thought provoking and... who am I kidding. This will clean up at the Razzies - I mean, every single category, in a landslide of Titanic proportions.
Take a dream action star cast (if it was 1990), add enough cheese to fuel McDonalds for the rest of the year, laugh out loud awful dialogue and wrap it all up in a plot that makes absolutely no sense with every cliché you can stuff into 100 minutes and you have The Expendables.
It takes a real gift to write dialogue this bad. Almost as much talent as the actors not rolling around laughing delivering this nonsense. Sly, give it up man. It's like you forgot everything you ever learnt about writing a film.
Special mention to Mickey Rourke's monologue that was ridiculous in its attempt at some sort of poignancy. Action sequences with stuff getting blown up for being blown up's sake and people getting killed in cartoonishly diabolical ways is simply tedious.
Half a star awarded for the Jet Li - Dolph Lundgren fight scene. Oh, and the General's daughter was pretty hot. Yes, I have had to stoop this low to find something positive to take out of this flick other than laughing all the way home at the absurdity of it all.