Too Much of a Throw-Away Movie - Disappointing

Rating: 5/10 (2 September 2010)

What do you expect from a movie like The Expendables? Tremendous performances, an Oscar-worthy screenplay, rich characters and multi-layered direction? If so, abandon all hope. The Expendables has been hyped up to be one of the most masculine films of recent years, a film so manly that if a woman were to watch it, she'd probably be sporting a beard by the end. What I wanted from The Expendables was some kick-ass, old-school action, along with a few memorable one-liners and some truly nasty bad guys. Even with these lowered expectations, I was still disappointed by The Expendables.
The plot's probably not going to be on people's minds when they watch this movie, but it's still weak. Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone, who also directs) is the leader of the titular team of mercenaries. After an impressive opening in which Ross and his team, including Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) and Ying Yang (what?!) (Jet Li) save a group of hostages from Somali pirates, an offer is put Barney's way by a CIA agent named Church (Bruce Willis). Their mission; to land on a hostile island and kill a South American general (David Zayas) and his partner, a rogue CIA agent called Munroe (Eric Roberts). Things become personal for Barney when he forms a connection with Sandra (Giselle Itie), a woman on the island, who turns out to be the general's daughter
Most people are going to The Expendables for the action, and it wasn't as satisfying as I was hoping it would be. Don't get me wrong, there are a few crowd-pleasing moments; they just happen more towards the end of the movie. In fact, apart from the opening and ending of this movie, there isn't that much action. There are a couple of chases and explosions, but I didn't really care much about what happened. This is because none of the characters (other than Mickey Rourke's Tool, who doesn't even get involved in the action) inspired strong emotions in me as an audience member, and the dreaded shaky-cam rears its ugly head. No!!! What happened to the good old days of action movies when filmmakers kept their cameras still and showed us everything that was going on, in all its glory? Raider of the Lost Ark, anybody? Die Hard? Terminator? Predator? What's the similarity between all of these movies? They were all released in the 80's, the era that this movie is clearly trying to emulate. Why are these movies so much better than The Expendables? Here's a list; you want to know what happens to the characters, there's suspense, memorable dialogue and brilliantly staged and executed action. In The Expendables, the staging of the action sequences is good, but the execution isn't. The filmmakers couldn't even be bothered to use real explosions, putting in obviously bad CGI instead.
The performances aren't all that great, but you'd be an idiot to expect great acting work here. Stallone is a good actor, and he still has charisma, but Ross just isn't that interesting. Statham's decent, and he and Stallone share some enjoyable chemistry, but he's lumbered with a pitiful back story involving his ex girlfriend (Charisma Carpenter) and her abusive new boyfriend, which is just an excuse for a scrap in a basketball court; after this scene, we never see or hear of Carpenter's character again. Rourke is given a scene of big emotional heft about his character's regret which comes out of nowhere, and he absolutely nails it. With this one scene, Rourke immediately becomes the most sympathetic, intriguing character out of the whole bunch. Another big scene is the much-hyped meeting between Stallone, Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger (as Trench, the leader of a rival mercenary group). It's not as cool as it could have been, and the main reason for this is that it's all too short. Schwarzenegger and Willis are great fun here, but they're like the two popular uncles of the family who turn up at a party, greet everybody and then rush off again; for a scene featuring three of the most iconic action stars of all time, it's underwhelming. As Gunnar Jensen, a druggie member of The Expendables who is booted out early on and who seeks vengeance, Dolph Lundgren is surprisingly engaging, even though his character is the most poorly developed in the movie, and that's saying something when you look at the other characters here. None of the other performances are special; Zayas, Roberts and Steve Austin (as Munroe's bodyguard, Paine) fail to generate audience hatred as the bad guys, whilst Randy Couture and Terry Crews can't do anything with their badly sidelined roles as Toll Road and Hale Caesar, the other members of Ross's team (although Caesar has one bad-ass gun).
For what it's trying to be, a big, dumb and nostalgic take on the action flicks of the 80's, The Expendables isn't a complete failure. The action (for the most part) is well put together, the locations are strong, there are some memorable lines of dialogue within the context of the movie (Stallone's final put-down of Schwarzenegger's character is classic) and there are some solid performances (with one ace from Rourke). Plus, there is an manly appeal to the movie which makes it a perfect guys night out, and Stallone's direction keep things moving along nicely until the final bloody, explosion-packed climax. But I wanted more; more action, more Willis, more Schwarzenegger and more Rourke, amongst many other things. Overall, if you go with a group of friends, The Expendables makes for an entertaining time at the cinema. But there are so many other better films out at the moment that my advice is to wait until this comes out on DVD, and then watch it with some mates at home. The title cuts pretty close to what makes this movie, in my book, a disappointment; it's just too expendable.