for a dumb, 80's-inspired ULTRA-violent action movie... it could be better

Rating: 5/10 (21 August 2010)

You'll get what you expect when you go see The Expendables. It's just one of those movies: if you're expecting it to be a non-stop action extravaganza with (almost) every big action dude, large or small, from the past thirty years, you'd get that, but if you're expecting it to be a big steaming pile of stupid action movie-ness taking from the dumbest of 80's action movies (at least in "plot"), you'll get that. For me, and I don't think I'm entirely alone- you may think different looking at the message board and whatnot online, but just look closer- it's in the middle. It's neither a triumph nor a failure. It has such a cast that it makes it impossible to dislike, if only on guilty pleasure grounds. But it also doesn't really have the kind of gusto to take its BIG status and do something really interesting with it.
The Expendables rides on its mega-action, which includes much ULTRA-violence, but really the people who will be most psyched will be those wanting to see the cast blow ***t up real good. There is some of that... maybe TOO much of that, but hey, what can you do when Rambo: First Blood Part 2 and Commando are the main influences. But the movie, as enjoyable as it can be, has its share of problems. For one thing, the villain(s) can't rise to the occasion. One of them, Eric Roberts, is a slimy guy who can't grow poppy on the ground that the General/Dictator of a small island in the Gulf controls- that other guy (David Zayas of Dexter) is also a kind of good-bad guy. You get the sense if the Expendables didn't come back to kick ass and, uh, kick more ass and blow ***t up real good, the two villains would take care of themselves, regardless of the factor of the General/Dictator's daughter.
But yeah, cardboard plot: Expendables get assigned to take out a General on an island, his daughter is the contact, they get spotted and need to leave, she stays, Stallone feels guilt leaving her behind, brings back the guys to get her back. Beat for beat, this is just the story, with a few surprise appearances (Schwarzenegger, Willis) - that is, if you haven't seen the torrent of TV commercials that hype up Ah-nuld to be the main star with Stallone, when it's simply a walk-on. Sadly, his scene is one of the highlights in an otherwise decent but lacking action picture. There is bang for the buck, but it's such a cartoonish-numbing buck. The combination of drama and action that one saw so strong, at one time, in Rocky or First Blood, is much more diluted, much more concerned with such frenetic action - to the point, I should add, that it dulls the senses. The fast editing is far from the kind of pacing, yes, from even those 80's action movies. It's more Bourne than Cobra.
Again, the actors, when they're effective, do do what they can. Dolph Lundgren, of all people, gets to shine in a character that, as written, is kind of confused as to his allegiance. Mickey Rourke gets a couple of great scenes, even if he doesn't get full camera-eye-line. But for the most part other supporting actor people, like Terry Crews, who one has really admired as of late, get only a few moments here and there. Oddly enough Stallone's character is given the least to do, except to sort of reprise his last conflict in 2008-Rambo (going back to save the girl, yada-yada). Statham has a quirk with his girl, and Jet Li is short. Randy Couture (yeah, does okay with little as the one least-known in the cast) has some ear tick. And Stone Cold Steve Austin (yes, Stone Cold) is just a heavy.
I really did go into the Expendables hoping to have a good time. Up to a point, I did. I had some laughs. I felt like cheering once or twice. Other times I just got annoyed by, oddly enough for a movie assuming to be ambitious with its cast, how lax it is. Its one big BANG is to keep the violence and explosions going for twenty minutes at the end. Dumb action movie violence is dandy, even if it's repetitive and unimaginative after so long (hey, again the 80's). However, bad CGI blood plus bad editing plus no plot and dialog that is just barely puncho and overly macho, turns into something that is kind of unpleasant. It met somewhat the expectations, and at the same time I wonder how long it will linger in the mind. 5.5/10