Dear Mr. Stallone, why do you like to disappoint me so?

Rating: 3/10 (29 November 2013)

So my reaction to the first Expendables was very lukewarm. I liked the fact that Stallone was bringing back all these action stars to come together in some epic ensemble movie. But sadly, it failed to really excite me as a huge action movie buff. The action was poorly shot and the whole thing felt rushed. Still, I was excited to see what Stallone would do for the sequel. Maybe it would be better.
Alas, I was wrong. This was another disappointment. It started out good with some over-the-top action and plenty of good old fashioned silliness but sadly the plot showed up. The plot (if you can call it that) is a 'done to death' revenge plot where one of the crew members is killed (just before he retired) so the team go out of there way to hunt down evil Jean Claude Van Damme to kill him. Just good old fashioned family fun. Speaking of Van Damme, he's easily one of the best parts of the movie. I've alway found Van Damme to be somewhat charismatic and he's really good a playing a sinister baddie. It's just a shame he gets so little screen time.
The rest of the movie is just the team moving from one action scene to the next. The action has is shot in a much better way when compared to the first film but unfortunately, there are fewer memorable moments. And what's with all the CG gore. Give me some real blood squibs Stallone, stop being lazy. They meet up with Chuck Norris at one point, which is fun but also pointless. I like the fact that he spoofs his own internet persona but that BS about him censoring the swearing is still an issue. So swearing is bad, but killing people in over-the-top violent ways is fine?
Then there's the climax, which honestly I had the most problems with. Like the original film, it felt rushed. It should be really cool seeing Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Willis gunning down baddies together but it ends up not being too memorable. There are some cool moments, like Arnie ripping the door off a car and then proceeding to shoot a ton of enemies while Willis drives. Speaking of Arnie, he's another great part of the movie, just because of how corny and terrible his delivery is. Believe me, I love the guy, he's my childhood hero but I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous it is to see him doing his 'Commando' routine at his age.
Then there's the fight between Stallone and Van Damme. What a letdown. Stallone's ego seems to be in action here, since for the most part, he has the upper hand. Van Damme only manages to hit him a few times with his trademark helicopter kicks. But eventually, Stallone kills Van Damme. And then the worst part of the movie. Stallone cutting off Van Damme's head and putting it in a bag. WHAT? Remember in the first Expendables movie where everyone thought Dolph Lungdren hanging the pirates was 'sick'. But now it's okay to cut off an already dead man's head and carry it around in a bag. It's overly sadistic and made the character out to be a complete psychopath.
Anyway overall the movie is 'meh'. Really nothing special aside from the cast. And like the original, the cast is still not used effectively. This should be a love letter from Stallone to every action fan including myself. But it ends up just being nothing special and kind of dull in a lot of ways. The movie has its moments but that doesn't stop the direct to DVD feel I get from it. And after watching the other disappointment that was 'Bullet to the Head', I've lost all enthusiasm for Stallone's work. Expendables 3 is on the way and honestly, I don't care.