Blood and guts and veins in my teeth

Rating: 8/10 (25 August 2012)

You don't feel the testosterone in The Expendables 2 as much as immerse yourself in it, whether you like it or not. It manages to be awesome on several levels – a frantic action movie, a self-deprecating comedy, and okay, that's about it. But still! Explosions that make sense! The mocking of catch phrases! Great casting that doesn't feel forced! Stallone not in the director's chair! Yes, there's so much to like about the movie that we can overlook a lot of clichés and hammy performances. Let's look at the plot. Barney Ross (Stallone) and his team, having bilked Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) out of $5 million in the first movie, now have to make amends. No, Church doesn't have them tossed into Gitmo, and he doesn't kill them. Instead, he gives them a mission, the accomplishment of which would make them all even-Steven.
The mission involves an infiltration into the jungles of Albania to rescue a secret something (a MacGuffin) from a downed airplane. Things don't go as expected. Ross and his team lose not only the MacGuffin but also one of their own. Tearfully, they vow revenge.
Ross's team consists of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), Toll Road (Randy Couture) and Bill the Kid (Liam Hemsworth). Church inexplicably adds another member to their team – a soldier/intel expert named Maggie (Nan Yu). She may have been the second MacGuffin.
The team tracks the bad guys to a series of secret mines in old Russia, where apparently a metric buttload of uranium exists for the taking. The bad guys, led by the well-named Villain (Jean-Claude Van Damme), plan to grab all of the unguarded uranium and, presumably, either hold the world hostage or just blow it up. We're not told, because it hardly matters.
Now, this may not be the best of films. You won't find a truly intricate plot, even by Mission:Impossible standards. It is what it purports to be: men blowing stuff up with lots of weapons. At least this time there's a woman involved, but you can guess one of the reasons she's there. In any event, the stunts are exhilarating to watch and the action is intense, but what makes the film is the deft, complementary comedy. Church versus Ross. Ross versus Trench (Arnold Schwarzeneggar, yes). Trench versus Church. The movie is, in its entirety, a nod to the mindless action movies of the 80s in which many of these fellas appeared. Catchphrases from those old movies are mocked. Everyone looks bad ass, so much so that you forget that guys like Stallone and Schwarzeneggar are in their sixties.
It was exciting to see the oldtimers in the first film, and this one adds some new (old) blood. Hemsworth, although not as ripped as his brother Chris, is terrific. Oh, and did I mention that a certain Chuck Norris is in this? I am not making this up. He's in it. I love how he's referred to as a lone wolf, a nod to his movie Lone Wolf McQuade, or that his character is named Booker, a nod to his movie Good Guys Wear Black. I wish he'd been able to do some martial arts, but the man's 70 years old, so I guess we can cut him some slack.
This is a manly man movie. There's a lot of blood, many guns, lots of scars in the making. There is no romance, barely some flirting. You wouldn't expect that, anyway. The Expendables 2 delivers what it promises – it's a whipped-up frenzied concoction of old-school action movies with a generous sprinkling of creativity (in script and in cinematography).
So that's why I liked the movie. Blood, guts, witty repartee, that about does it for me when I want not to think. You won't need to think here. Watch it – your brain will appreciate the rest.