The worst mercenaries ever!

Rating: 2/10 (4 May 2013)

Okay, this is not a serious movie. It's supposed to be "bad". Bad in a way that's funny which should mean it's still good. But to make a "bad" movie funny you must actually have some finesse. And this movie doesn't have any of that. It tries to be funny in a stereotypically male fashion with grunts, lame jokes, extreme violence and dreadful portrayal of women. The only strong female character merely functions as an unattainable object for the others to project their sexual desires upon. With all the men in heat I'm surprised she didn't get raped?! The other women are either cheaters or weak women who tries but cannot fire a gun properly (like any man can).
The whole idea behind this series is for old action movie stars to come together and have some fun. I somewhat enjoyed the first movie which was more successful. Sylvester Stallone wrote the screenplay for both movies and also directed the first movie which might point the finger to the problem - director Simon West who fails to create anything coherent out of the script. The characters move from place to place where they instantly kill everyone and then move on. In between you get stale dialogue and poor attempts at humor and character interplay. Even the action isn't funny. While other movies have exciting action scenes that are well choreographed here it's just murder and mayhem.
Now take "Die hard" for example. Even though it's extremely unrealistic it's also smart. I was drawn into that movie and I believed everything that happened. "The Expendables" is unrealistic and hopelessly stupid. It doesn't take a soldier to realize these guys couldn't make it as guns for hire. They're supposed to be the toughest and most capable - and sure they're successful! But they escape from tight spots by deliberately RUNNING INTO THE LINE OF FIRE. When the bad guys run into another room they RUN AFTER THEM. Without care! In case the bad guys unbeknownst to the heroes were waiting to kill them they would miraculously refrain from running. Makes sense?
Sometimes I feel like there could be something there. Sylvester Stallone have the most lines and some of them are borderline funny. His character is the most interesting one. Too bad he gets so much screen time that by the end he just bores me. He's the best actor in this movie but he's not THAT good. And how many times can Arnold Schwarzenegger jokingly say "I'll be back"? Seriously? I want to punch him in the face.
By the way it seems there will be a third movie. God help us all.