Expenda-turds2: Turds On Elastic!

Rating: 3/10 (12 January 2013)

What happens if you yank a turd on elastic? That's right... you get sh*t on your face. Same thing Sly Stallone has got on his face right now.
This guy will spend every last $ in his coffer to become younger. He has tried everything from Viagra to Botox to look younger. The result is clear for all to see: stretched up eyebrows that make him look like Jack Nicholson.
Every rundown has-been actor has been re-recruited + 1 new(Chuck Norris). Norris only signed on because of one condition: he made Sly Stallone remove all the bad XXX swearwords from the script. Norris is a SAINT.
Only thing worth about this film is for Van Damme fans. He looks absolutely KILLER in his role. Plus also his legendary Kickboxer flying roundhouse kick. To put it short: Fight between Van Damage and Sly Stallone is the only reason to watch this film. The fight is short like Stallone's sex-time in bed (With Viagra). You could take a leak, come back, and the fights over.
Van Damme could break Sly's neck-bone with that one special kick. Finito.
To mention other stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger was good to see as well as Bruce Willis. They have small cameo roles and are wasted in the film. Dolph Lundgren looks absolutely disgusting. He's become a real slob.
Plot of dub*ss joke of a film: Barney Ross is approached by CIA man Church, who wants him and his guns for hire to go to the former Soviet Union to retrieve something that was on a plane that crashed. Church doesn't tell him what he is getting. And Church sends a woman, Maggie with him to make sure he gets it. They find the plane and get the thing but some men take one of Barney's people hostage and the leader tells him to give him what they got or he'll kill his hostage. The give it to him but he kills his hostage anyway. Barney asks Maggie what was so important about that thing. She says that it showed the location of a Russian plutonium storage mine. Barney decides to track the man down and deal with him. They track them down and discover that the man they seek is Villain who leads a group known as The Sangs and that they have taken all the men from the surrounding villages to work the mine.
Verdict: stick to The Avengers(2012), which I think is the best film of the year I have seen.