What Happened?

Rating: 4/10 (12 March 2014)

Let me start by saying that I liked the Expendables. In fact, I just finished writing a review for it. It was well-paced, had excellent escalation, and the characters were so clichéd that I HAD to love them.
Then I heard all the hype around Expendables 2 and checked it out, and frankly... It's a lot weaker. Gone is the weight of the characters' past discrepancies or the drama that Robert Vaughn brought to the first movie. While Van Damme made a great villain despite his mediocre acting abilities, there was something about ex-CIA Agent Monroe that made him feel a lot more threatening. Every time Vaughn was on the screen, I felt like he was saying, "Yeah, I'm so badass that I don't even need to get involved in all this." When Van Damme is on, I'm constantly reminded that he's not a fear-mongering mastermind, but a less ethical merc than Stallone. And, come on, "Vilain"? His name is "VILAIN"?!
Chuck Norris is a terrible actor. I can't even pin down what his character's personality was like in this or any other project he worked on. I'm convinced the only reason he made it into this film was because of all those bullcrap Chuck Norris facts which, after seeing Chuck Norris's performance, leave me baffled as to why he's so popular. Charlie McCarthy's acting was less wooden!
Worst of all is the escalation. Yhe first movie started with a basic gunfight and ended with a giant, over-the-top blow-'em-up against an inferior foe, just like an '80s movie, whereas the sequel starts with a giant, over-the-top driving-motorcycles-into-helicopters-because-who-gives-a-crap blow-'em-up and ends with a basic gunfight at an airport, with not one explosion to be seen. I understand that it's an '80s action movie and that the characters are invincible, but when you establish your bad guys as legit threats and then have the heroes gun them down without even looking for cover, it really kills my investment. That and all the "comedic" references to the actors' past works really annoyed me.
If this is the style to which Expendables 3 is made, I don't think I'm going to go see it. Ah, who am I kidding? OF COURSE I'm going to go see it. But I'll be going with a due sense of exhaustion and dread, especially if they get another "comedic" director.
Now, if they put Bruce Campbell or Mr. T in it, however...