Old School '80s Heroes with Weak Contemporary Action

Rating: 7/10 (29 January 2013)

By some miracle, THE EXPENDABLES 2 is neither better nor worse than the first movie. I wasn't a huge fan of the original movie but I appreciated what they were trying to accomplish with it. Sylvester Stallone gathered together some of the biggest names in action into one movie and tried to bring back the feel of the classic '80s action movie. The movie had a lot of problems but was just dumb enough to be a good bit of fun. The second movie is more of the same with bigger names in the cast and larger set pieces. The filmmakers have made no effort to improve on the problems of the first movie and, if they had, I think this movie could've been one of the best action movies of the decade. To be honest, if they hadn't brought in more big name action stars to round out the team, I probably wouldn't have been interested enough to give THE EXPENDABLES 2 a chance. With Stallone stepping down from directing duties and handing them over to Simon West, I had renewed interest. After all, the man directed CON AIR. But then again, he also directed TOMB RAIDER. The movie joins the Expendables team as they are completing a mission in Nepal and we are introduced to their newest member, a sniper named Billy the Kid. Team leader Barney Ross (Stallone) is soon approached by CIA operative Church (Willis) about leading a mission into Albania to recover the contents of a safe from a plane crash site. The mission should be simple: lead Church's agent, a woman named Maggie Chan, to the site, recover the goods, and bring it home. The mission falls apart when the goods are stolen by terrorist Jean Villain (Van Damme) and a team member is killed. Now Ross and his team must find Villain to end his evil plans and avenge their teammate.
You can tell from the character names that the writing hasn't improved since the last film. I mean, come on, the bad guy's name is Villain. Villain. Get it? Yeah, I guess it fits right in with other characters like Toll Road and Hale Caesar. The writing in the movie is on par with a high school freshman penning their ideal action movie, complete with cheesy dialogue and groan-inducing one-liners. No offense to Stallone, who wrote the screenplay with Richard Wenk. The man knows action, but his writing leaves a lot to be desired. The tough guy dialogue sounds corny and the emotional moments are forced. For example, there's a quiet moment on the Expendables' plane when we get a bit of Billy the Kid's back-story. He's ex- military and he spills his sad tale of watching all his colleagues die in an ambush; then, to drive the point home, he survives and returns to base to findgasp!...they'd shot the stray dog he'd adopted. All right, we get it. Billy's the innocent one. He's still got a bit of a soul and a life of violence hasn't hardened his heart yet. I'm sure nothing bad will happen to a character like that in a movie like this. On the topic of dialogue, you can't discuss THE EXPENDABLES 2 without mentioning the ridiculous level of self-referential humor in the movie. Stallone does not want you to forget that these guys are famous action stars and his script does its best to remind you every chance it gets. References to TERMINATOR, DIE HARD, and even the Chuck Norris facts meme from the Internet are included as an ongoing wink and nod to the audience. One or twice, OK. Constant stream of references in the middle of the big end battle? Sort of annoying.
Right, so the movie fails to improve on the writing of the first movie. How about the action? Well, it's still a bunch of CG bullet hits, blood spatter, gunfire, and explosions. You want to recapture the fun of big '80s action? Blood squibs and gasoline bombs are the way to go. Not all this digital stuff. It stands out like a sore thumb. The best action movies are gritty, real, and violent. Not video games. I also wish Stallone would put his characters in danger a little more. Don't make them feel so invincible. It takes some of the fun out of it when we come to the realization that no one's going to get hurt; all the heroes will survive and live to ride off into the sunset in the end. Ross is shot twice in a scene and walks it off. Sure, he was wearing Kevlar armor but you need to make us believe that these guys are one good shot away from a body bag. Put them in danger! You've got a big team theresacrifice one near the end to remind us these guys are mortals. Otherwise there's no risk! I don't know, these are just my thoughts on what might make the EXPENDABLES a more thrilling action movie.
THE EXPENDABLES 2 is just the same as the first movie. Dumb. Big, dumb action. This one is cool enough to add heavy hitters Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Chuck Norris, and Jean-Claude Van Damme into the mix. I loved that. Van Damme was an awesome villain (or should I sayVillain?). He was way more threatening than Eric Roberts and Steve Austin in the first movie. It was great seeing all of these action legends on screen at the same time, fighting side by side. If it had been handled better, THE EXPENDABLES 2 could've been a legend all its own.