I now pronounce you man and knife

Rating: Null/10 (21 December 2013)

Simon West's "The Expendables 2" is an action comedy which misses the point of its own novelty. Hoping to stoke the flames of nostalgia, the film collects several classic action movie stars (Jet Li, Chuck Norris, Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis) but then makes them play second fiddle to a conventional plot which is several times worse than the many B movies the film emulates.
West would have done better to go smaller rather than bigger, showing these macho heroes in absurd scenarios which we've never before seen. Stallone getting a pedicure? Schwarzenegger working for Green Peace? Lundgren as a store clerk? Jet Li at the laundromat? Van Damme as a Spanish tutor? Statham as a gay cross dresser? Norris as an ultra right-wing Christian on a crusade to turn R rated action movies pg13 (oh wait)? I'd pay to see that.
But alas, no. West's "The Expendables 2" is generic gun porn, in which muscular dudes with old faces perforate bad guys and homo-erotically ejaculate blood in tight clothing. Most action movies become camp with time. "Expendables 2" needs more camp.
4/10 â€“ Worth one viewing.