I couldn't finish the movie due to laughing too much

Rating: 6/10 (18 August 2015)

I guess if you are into that kind of movie it's pretty okay. Don't get me wrong, it has potential. Great actors, a lot of explosions, not too much story, a lot of fighting scenes, blood, Stallone's mustache still looks like someone drew it on his face with a Sharpie, pew pew, boom and you know the drill. Not much to say about modern day action movies, they all consist of the same irrelevant two-liners that the protagonist blurts out whenever they do something the audience could consider to be "cool". They all consist of the same pseudo-love story and pseudo-deep dialogues about the meaning of life and how you should appreciate it when they just finished painting the floor with someones brain seconds ago. I would literally have to elaborate on a few scenes so you get an idea which movie I am actually talking about because it literally mirrors everything every action movie does. It doesn't do worse than it's fellow colleagues, but it doesn't do better either.
BUT! There is this ONE THING... ONE THING that made me quit the film after a good 60 minutes because I was in the serious danger of getting a cliché-aneurysm. It is the villain of this movie. I don't know why and I don't know how, but whoever wrote the script needs to be send into perpetual vacation.
The antagonist of this movie is apparently a mixture of Satan, Hitler and Stalin himself. I just want to recap the thought process that the director of this movie might have had to show you what I mean:
"Hmm, I need a movie villain, what does he need? He obviously needs to be a self-gracious, smeary d*ck that looks a bit like he was cut out of the Matrix-movies. When you see him, he has to scream "ARROGANT CLICHÉ VILLAIN" and "ABOUT TO DIE A HORRIBLY PAINFUL DEATH TO SATISFY THE AUDIENCES SADISTIC TENDENCIES". How could we achieve that? We could do the usual villain stuff. You know... dealing with Plutonium for weapons of mass destruction (as if he wasn't aware that no matter how much money he has he is still gonna suffer the consequences of nuclear radiation lol, who cares about movie logic anyways), being all greedy 'n stuff... OH OH OH! I know: We are gonna introduce a useless baby-face looking hottie for the ladies that this guy is gonna execute in the most painful way possible 20 minutes into the move for no apparent reason! He obviously has to be so full of himself that he literally is about to bust a nut. But is that enough?
He needs a despicable, ruthless right hand to assist him. That guy should be some sort of Asian... but Asians are usually not the bad guys... uhm... RUSSIANS! It's an Asian looking Russian! Damn this is such a great idea, why has nobody ever come up with that before?!
But I still don't hate him enough... I KNOW! He could be letting people work in a mine until they die, just like in a concentration camp. And if the audience is still not convinced enough that he is going to suffer a cruel and painful death at the end of this film for being so utterly despicable (despite the obvious stamp he has engraved onto his forehead that exactly states that) he should just casually say something like: "If we don't have enough men, bring the women and children and let them work in the mines too."
Well done! I just created a guy that is literally less likable then Hitler himself! What could he do next though? Bite off the head of a cute bunny... oooor should he eat a soup with noodles in swastika-shape while reading "Mein Kampf"? Maybe he should just blow up an orphanage for deaf-mutes to make him the literally least desirable person on earth.
Do you want him to be dead now audience? Please say yes, he impersonates everything that you connect with the word bad..."
This is flat out the single worst character-design I ever had to see in a movie. This guy is, in no bloody way, convincing whatsoever. I am just happy they didn't give him a dumb name like "BadGuy" or "Villain" or... oh wait. His name is bloody f-ing "Jean Villain"?! ...
...
Nope, f*ck that sh*t, I'm out. Taking the cliché-train to Clicheton.
(Thanks to IMDb for repeatedly auto-correcting the name of the antagonist! He is spelled with one "l", not with two. Even IMDb didn't think that someone would come up with such a bad name for an antagonist...)