I laughed. I cried. But I did neither of those things when this movie intended me to.

Rating: 2/10 (26 August 2012)

The first installment of this series was bad. But after reading multiple reviews calling this one a good movie, and also having some friends tell me so, I decided to give it a shot. This movie is bad. Like really bad. No, I'm serious this movie is terrible. I intently watched all 102 minutes of it, and I have no clue what the plot of this movie was. I read somewhere that Stallone was calling out the action stars of today. He was calling them sissies or whatever it is he mumbled about. Maybe it's just me, but I like most of the action stars of today. Back in the 80's and 90's when Stallone(who is 5'9" by the way) was a superstar, bigger was better. Nobody cared about plot lines as long as s*** blew up!!! Wooo!!! Well, I actually enjoy watching stories that make sense. EXP 2 made absolutely no sense. At least you knew the general outline of what was going on in those old school movies from decades back. This movie is complete s***.
The opening scene, while visually pretty entertaining(I mean they do take out a helicopter with a motorcycle within the first 10 minutes of the film!!), makes no effort to clue you in on what's going on. They save a Chinese billionaire from an apparently evil group of Asian militants. You are not told who he was, who the bad guys are, or why these men were here to save him. All you find out is that these guys will shoot the head off of anything in their way. And also that apparently their bullets are 3 times more effective than a normal bullet. Seriously throughout this movie there was a 3:1 kill/Bullet ratio. Liam, brother of Thor, and wanna be lover of Katpiss, shoots 5 or 6 people at once with a sniper rifle. I mean they all fell down at almost exactly the same time. Look I've played hours of call of duty, so I can expertly contest that this is physically impossible. Next, they fly off in a plane to some s***ty bar where everyone gets drunk. It's here that Dolph Lundgren reveals himself a genius that revised Einstein's Theory of Relativity, then blows his nose with the formula. Because as everyone knows, to make a plot line seem more credible you need at least one barely understandable giant to be smarter than Albert Einstein. Well then, check that off the list.
The story line somehow gets worse from there. Including a scene where half the characters stand around doing nothing while three guys hold open a steel door that is threatening to crush one of their members. Hey, uh, a little help!! And there is also a scene in which Sylvester "top heavy" Stallone kicks JC Van Damme's a**. This would not happen in real life, because in real life Van Damme's first round house kick would have beheaded Sylvester "5'9"" Stallone. Also, the two of them would have spent at least 10-30 more minutes staring at each other while making guttural noises for no reason.
My favorite part of the movie was when Stallone was reading the love letter of the recently departed Liam Thorsworth. Maybe it's just me, but the unintentional comedy of Stallone mumbling through a love letter 3 sentences long, written in what was probably 36pt font, was off the charts. I couldn't contain myself. I was crying. And not in the way intended.
Also, and I mean no disrespect to these "giant" men, but it doesn't seem plausible that one could shoot that many peoples' heads off with machine guns while only using one arm. I mean, you know, unless Chuck Norris is doing it... You know what, never mind that. I had given this movie 1 star but I'm changing it to 2 stars out of respect for Chuck Norris and his sweet fisty beard.