Well, at least I saw a girl talk like a hobo. That was entertaining.

Rating: 1/10 (13 October 2008)

As a hardcore horror fan, who has seen the majority of what the genre has to offer, it's a little weird of me to wait so long to see a "classic" like The Exorcist. I think the reason was because I've seen so many faux masterpiecesthat include everything from A Nightmare on Elm Street to Suspiriathat I've given up hope in anything and everything that people claim to be a "classic horror piece". The Exorcist is no different.
I assume that the hardcore fans of this movie either (1) grew up on it, or (2) were scared the first time they saw it, then build it up to be something it isn't in their mind, and if they were to see it a second time, I'm sure they would realize how boring and cheesy it is. I also assume there are some people out there who truly see this as a perfect movie, but I simply cannot come close to understanding their reasoning, and here is why: - Cheese. The voiceovers are downright HALRIOUS. At one point it sounds like the girl was trying to talk like a hobo or something, which had me laughing more than any comedy I've seen in the past year. Also, some of the dialogue may have been vulgar in its time, but now just sounds a lot like the script for a bad teen comedy.

Boredom. I'd say that close to 80% of the runtime of this film has nothing to do with exorcism, but has everything to do with boring daily life that doesn't make me sympathize for the cliché, stereotypical characters, but certainly make me sleepy. There is literally no plot, and without a plot there is no suspense. I'm someone who finds the original Alien to be a fine movie, but the difference between The Exorcist and Alien is that Alien understands suspense whereas The Exorcist does not. There is a MAJOR difference between suspense and just downright pointless scenes, and The Exorcist fits into the latter.

Unoriginality. Yes, I can understand that The Exorcist was the first movie to bring exorcism to the big screen, but come on now. It is not an unknown subject by any means, and though this is my first exorcism movie, the subject just bores me because I know everything about it long, long before I watched it. It was like watching someone drink coffee to meI can care less because I've seen it so many times. I have read many books about exorcism that actually bring something original to the table, such as Ted Dekker's novel "Adam", which is so far superior to The Exorcist it feels weird even mentioning it in this review. Exorcism with nothing else original attached was a bland, unoriginal subject in the 60s, and it's even more so in the 21st century.

"The scariest movie of all time" lie. I'll be blunt: this movie had me so board I was on the verge of fast forwarding if something didn't start happening. Calling this scary, much less "the scariest movie of all time" is an utter joke. The cheesiness had me laughing, and the lack of originality and plot had me bored to tears. There was not a single scene in this film that scared me, or even came close. The stairway scene was a littlevery littlejolt of shock, but other than that, I've gotten more scared choking on food. I wouldn't even say this is even 1/10th as scary as a realistically portrayed exorcism. The majority was just intentionally hilarious. "Oh no, it's a little girl possessed by a perverted hobo!" - Lack of realism. I've studied real exorcisms, heard firsthand accounts of them, and seriously, folks, this is a trip to Never Never Land compared to a real exorcism. The majority of the things the girl does are completely retarded, and no more based in realism than a tree is based in Jell-O. The "Help me" scene just downright had to be THE absolute unintentionally funny scene of all time.

Overall, I just want to say this: just because something is old doesn't mean it's good, and just because something is new doesn't mean it's bad. Just because some people got scared as little kids from a movie then grow up and label it a classic doesn't mean they aren't just as wrong as the kids who label Hostel a classic in our generation. If this movie were released today it would be laughed out of the theater. Age doesn't make up for the lack of entertainment or scares or thrills and cheeseit just makes something old. And usually boring.
Watch the hobo-possession scene on YouTube and laugh your head off. The rest isn't worth watching.
2/10