Oh no, the devil's coming to get me! Hee hee! (spoilers)

Rating: 6/10 (25 January 2001)

Some movies simply have to be seen, if only to understand what all the fuss is about. Citizen Kane is one of them, The Godfather and Raging Bull are probably a couple more, and The Exorcist is another. When it was re-released in British cinemas after a generation-long ban, I felt obligated to see it. After all, this was a movie so scary that you weren't actually allowed to watch it.
There were always stories going round about it; when it was first released, people fainted in the cinemas, one woman had a miscarriage because she was so scared... But the Chinese Whispers don't represent the movie at all. The Exorcist is not the scariest movie ever made. For a lot of it, I was trying not to laugh.
The first hour or so was great, genuinely unsettling and creepy. Noises in the attic, and candle flames rising up then going out made for a tense build-up. But once Linda Blair's possession became more obvious the movie lost its ability to scare and became only laughable.
This fault lies not so much with the movie but with me. As an atheist it's impossible for me to be scared of the devil because I don't believe in him. This doesn't come from small-mindedness; Luke Skywalker doesn't really live in a galaxy far, far away but I can still love the Star Wars movies, but films that deal with religion can't be seen in the same way because they believe they're telling the truth. This isn't a fantasy, this kind of thing really happens! People get possessed, the devil is evil, and only God can stop him. That's laughable to me, and that is inescapable.
I know Christians who are so scared by the concept of this film they don't even like to talk about it, let alone watch it. I envy their fear, because it would have made for a great horror movie. As it was, it was nothing. The church is laughable and outdated to me, and so too was The Exorcist.
Moments such as the possessed girl masturbating with a cross should have been shocking, but I thought they were great. It put a smile on my face to know how many religious people would be offended and outraged. Freedom of speech is forgotten when it comes to religion: in England we still have a blasphemy law; there are no atheist programmes on Sunday mornings in amongst the Christian shows. Atheism is always under-represented because it is seen to be offensive, so blasphemy is always refreshing when it is finally voiced. But I can't even praise The Exorcist for its blasphemy, because it was there only as proof of evil. These were the kinds of things I was thinking when I should have been scared.
Atheism isn't the only thing stopping the movie from working. The biggest problem was that the devil was funny. His insults were great, coming up with the ultimate `your mother' joke. The pea soup vomit is embarrassingly fake and the shaking bed looked like something from the Fun House at the end of Grease. I hate saying that dated effects can ruin a movie, but they really do this one no favours at all. Any credibility that may have remained was lost.
Despite these criticisms, I can't say that The Exorcist is a bad film. It didn't work on me, but I know why, and I understand why so many people would see this as the scariest movie ever made. Even with its technical flaws this must be terrifying to people who believe in the Evil that takes over Linda Blair. Like all religious horror, it was wasted on me because its basic concept was laughable rather than scary. Like Citizen Kane, The Godfather and Raging Bull, The Exorcist is a disappointing, over-rated movie.