90 Minutes I'll never get back

Rating: 1/10 (29 May 2016)

This monstrosity has to be among the five worst films I've ever sacrificed time to watch. A migraine would have been more fun. It's obvious within the first three minutes that the script...well, to be polite...stinks to high heaven. I've heard better dialogue come from the pens of fifth graders. Of course, the premise really doesn't deserve a decent script. Take 5 college-age kids (although I doubt that any of them could have gotten into college), 3 girls and 2 guys? (why not 3 couples? - or would one more talentless unknown have been beyond the budget?) and put them in the usual deserted cabin in the woods.
Next, let them act like 5 college kids alone in the woods - not! Do they drink? Smoke some pot? Make out? Get naked? This is an NC-17 film, so there's no reason not to do all of those. But no - we must rush into finding the poor man's version of Lovecraft's "Necromicon" and turn the evil spirits loose before we have time to find out if we care about our characters and their futures.
The only scene in the film worth watching - and fairly (but only fairly) well-done is the attack of the vines and tree roots. This was the obvious time to introduce the touch of nudity sorely needed in an NC17 film. But no...'twas not to be, here or elsewhere.
From there, the film quickly and fully degenerates into a gore fest, with blood, guts, body parts, and unknown fluids flying in all directions. Unfortunately, that's where it stays, right to the (painfully far ahead) finish. I won't call it a denouement, since that would imply that there was a plot or story to be resolved. No such luck.
It's a tough call on which is worse - script or acting. It often seems that the film is progressing (a generous term) without either script or acting, just blurting along on its own. Ultimately, I think worst accolades have to go to the script, since not even Sir Lawrence Olivier could have made any of those roles believable.
Right down there in Putrid Land with script and acting are the special effects. No excuse accepted such as "OK for the time period". No, they're not OK. Look at a couple of good short films from the 70s such as "Closed Mondays", or "Bags" to see what the times could do. When it comes to effects, though, I have to say that nothing says "the good guy won" like oatmeal squeezed from a vanquished villain's cuff.
Gawd, this thing was a disaster. It could have been played for comedy, but they were too full of themselves to admit it was a turkey. I'm going to take two aspirin and watch a "Gilligan's Island" marathon so I can see some *quality* filmmaking.