Perhaps the greatest escape epic of our day

Rating: Null/10 (25 December 2003)

Sitting through the first few moments of The English Patient I suddenly found myself overcome with a tremendous urge to escape and do something..anything.. else like say collect aluminum cans. I mean where is the excitement factor in a screenplay about mapmaking?
The English Patient was not suffering from burns..in reality he had fallen victim to terminal dullness..the central theme of this film.
And so it went, on and on, one tedious scene after the other with all the intrigue of watching paint dry. Mistakenly I thought it had come to an end with the dud bomb scene. I even gathered my empty soft drink cup, popcorn bag, and napkin, and was preparing to deposit them in the nearest trash receptical as I anxiously made ready to exit my row of seats...but.. NO... it was to grind on for another hour..60 of the slowest moving moments that included a cave scene that somehow managed to unleash a flash flood of sobs that brought out auxillary handkercheifs all over the place.
Probably the producers of this clinker should have considered a plot merger with The Shawshank Redemption.