Beautiful Film Destroyed by Banal Characters

Rating: 4/10 (9 August 1999)

It's hard to give a rot for this film. Consider the characters and their actions. First, the "love affair" is suspect. The torrid affair borders more on infatuation and selfish indulgence, punctuated by a bizarre scene in the midst of a Red Cross, Christmas dinner for soldiers. Such offensive behavior barely bothers the paramours as they so dimly illuminate later on, "we are the real countries."
Perhaps this belief is why Fienes' character was adroit at treason. Numbskulls are supposed to believe that Count Laszlo was forced to deal with the Germans in order to keep his promise with his gal (the real country). Not so fast. He had his chance with the British first. Not only did he seal his own fate by extremely strange behavior, we never get to see him commit treason with the Germans. We are just told about it. I posit that scenes with the Count selling out the British for a plane would properly trash his character.
The Count's love interest is an educated yet indifferent figure. She marries a lifelong friend and suffers (shazam) an indifferent marriage. She reads poetry well and states her views. This is nice window dressing but no more. Despite cheating on a husband she doesn't love and surviving his murder- suicide attempt, she remains stoic to the end. Barf! Plane crashes hurt, especially the ones you don't walk away from. She didn't. Her lover, the Count had to carry her a long way, while she labored through dignified comments ad nauseum.
And what about that husband of hers? Despite the fact that he gets weird and attempts to kill the love triangle (literally), we don't see him devolve into suicidal depression, it just happens.
Now on to the other characters which reside years after the tragedy of the love triangle. First we tackle the Indian Army officer. His initial entry into the film is accompanied by his no nonsense style in which he makes it clear he is not interested in the English Patient's nurse. He changes his mind in a nice scene in which he lays out a candle trail to his heart. This really worked. Unfortunately, by the end of the film, it all ends up, "wham bam, thank you ma'am." Of course they will always have their church in which he gave her an art lesson. This really makes no sense to me except to validate one night stands as legitimate love affairs.
The nurse herself is the most disappointing character. She is distraught after seeing a friend die. This triggers something within her that demands that she take a hiatus from the war to care for the English Patient. She works really hard and does well for him while contending with various interlopers. The really frightening scene is how she emotionally euthanizes her ward upon his request. She would never have done this at the outset. However, after learning about his situation, she wisely decides that he is better off dead. I'm sure utilitarians are satisfied by these events. As for me, I'm appalled.
The only benevolent character seems to be the man sans thumbs. His dark search which doesn't involve redemption actually receives it. He is a triumphant figure who trades in darkness for good. However, this man's limited involvement in the film isn't enough to balance the rest.
A summation of this film is to compare it to a trashy drugstore novel. The characters wear pretty clothes, engage in "forbidden" sex, and suffer tragic ends. Romance fulfilled.