An Immorality Tale.

Rating: 3/10 (10 May 1999)

The English Patient is right up there with Titanic in the groundbreaking new genre: Visually stunning movies celebrating amoral, unlikable characters. Look at the core themes of this lame little number: Adultery is okay if both parties are pretty. It's noble to betray your allies in wartime in order to retrieve the corpse of your adulterous lover. Lust equals love and it is the supreme value, even if it means other people get maimed and killed and tortured, not to mention just emotionally worked over. I mean, yeah it's nice that our anti-hero's lady-love didn't have to get a boob job to be considered desirable, but she was so morally repulsive that it ended up being a back-handed complement to the small-breasted women of the world. I guess we're only attractive if we're tramps?
If you haven't made the mistake of watching The English Patient, save yourself the trouble. Go rent Casablanca instead.