Why Couldn't Andy Sachs Have it All?

Rating: 7/10 (5 July 2006)

Over the weekend I happened to catch Hollywood's latest chick flick fare served up lukewarm, lightly salted and without butter of courseThe Devil Wears Prada. I'm sorry to say that it was the same old tired, coming-of-age, high-browed moralistic, princesses are always pretty and nice, drivel. Not that I need those 106 minutes back or anything. I'll be o.k. But c'mon. Enough already! Let's portray the real world, shall we? Just once. (No, this cinematic commentary on the fashion industry was not expected to portray the real world.) I don't mean some swanked out MTV pad where washed up actors and wanna-be's torment each other on cable airspace either.
No, I mean the real world, where girls pay rent (until they can buy a house) make student loan payments and car payments and credit card payments and blow money on great vacations in some sunny locale, (where hopefully tanned, hard, body shots are involved).
It's nice to be moralistic. But it's even nicer when you can afford it. The long and the short of it is we pay our dues until we get to where we want to be. And like a closet stuffed full of designer labels, it's different for all of us.
She has a boss from hell. Whose isn't? That's where they cut their teeth and your self-esteem all in a day's work. Get over it! If you're competent you'll be fine. If you're not, figure out how to get competent. There's already more than enough incompetence going around. Look at our current administration. The level of incompetence is criminal.
In our fairy tale, the devil has an unusually large set of matching boules. This is why she can't keep a husband. No man wants to be Ms. Miranda Priestly. Honestly I can't help but wonder why. There seems to be an abundance of lazy/incompetent men who could surely benefit from the steady hand of a competent woman. See Supreme Court, Senate, or White House. Surely I am many years ahead of myself.
While working for the devil our sweet princess develops her own set of boules. Boules make a great fashion statement. Although they are usually reserved for men, they have an unusually transformative effect on women. Basically, they turn them into bitches. My gawd, just living in New York (the main setting for our tale) provides fertile enough growing conditions for that. I ©New York! I'm not advocating bitchiness. When a man is a leader, no matter how many heads roll, how much of a SOB he is, or how many expletives he uses, he is, well a leader. When a woman is a leader, even if she doesn't engage in any of the former (and especially when she has several males reporting to her) she is a bitch. I don't make the rules I just observe the rats in the lab.
After this manifestation our heroine has a choice. She can stick with her loyal, tried and true, souse chef boyfriend, whom she has clearly outgrown. Or go for the slick, hot, journalist who knows how to work the system. Why not learn a few tricks of the trade? The problem with this story is our fearless heroine doesn't know who she is yet. She's growing up and she's cute. Let's not forget that. After about a decade in the trenches she will figure out who she is. But maybe she won't be cute anymore. That depends on whether a) She takes care of herself. b) She doesn't take care of herself, but can afford corrective surgery. c) She takes care of herself and develops confidence and conviction and makes her own choices. But until then she is an apprentice.
Dear sisters, even while one is apprenticing one should be well compensated. No one teaches women to do it. But men do this. They set their price. Compensation can take many forms: Swag or bennies; Great hotels; Great parties; Opportunities for great sex; And or self-satisfaction. You have to set your price. Yes, you my dear. No one else can do it for you. Certainly, not cute puppy-dog eyed, souse chef, boyfriends. Since our heroine had not yet fully developed, she was in jeopardy of losing her own sweet self and her high-minded values. I am not knocking values. They are great! They keep the world spinning on its axis. But unless your daddy (or mommy) is a mmmmbbbbillionaire you're on your own.
Values don't pay the rent. Money pays the rent. And after you've made some, then you can donate to your heart's content. Why not work on the inside from a position of power? So tell me Hollywood, why couldn't Andy Sachs have it all? A hot, studly boyfriend and a glamorous job with all the trimmings, including annual sojourns to gay Paris? Why did she have to go and work in some dank newspaper office as if it were a moral victory? Why couldn't Amanda have it all for that matter? Yes, she's as cold as the ice in her martini shaker, but still. Surely, we can have it all! That message, my friends, I would pay top dollar to see!