Lord of the Rings Meets Babes in Toyland Meets Extreme Caving

Rating: 3/10 (6 August 2006)

The movie received great reviews for a horror movie and I haven't the slightest clue why. The scariest parts of the movie were even before any monsters are introduced. Just caving as the main characters did alone was horrifying in it of itself and throwing a bunch of monsters in that are no joke... Smeagol/Gollum from Lord of the Rings only lightened the fear factor of being trapped in a cave. The movie is an hour of caving... then suddenly having a realization that no one has died so the movie goes 180 and the monsters just rip everyone to pieces. As horror classics can be, people say and do the dumbest things that typically would never occur in a situation so God bless the character who sat behind me in the movie theater who made obnoxious comments that helped me get by the movie smiling and being entertained. The worst aspect of the movie was predictability. Horror movies have a generic formula of music and camera effects to give a horror shock value that this movie merely took full advantage of. You will be sitting there saying to yourself "The monster will not appear right now... but in 5...4...3...2...1... bam," and he will. There's your stereotypical survivor who went through a tragic accident earlier in the movie only to become a hardcore Crawler killer later. There's your other stereotypical leader who screws everyone over for their actions and ends up paying the largest price... surviving 'til the near end. And let's not forget the ever so essential stereotypical horror movie monster weakness that suddenly changes the fear factor from "I'm gonna 'shite' (most of the girls are British) my pants" to "Wow... you're fighting a bunch of blind monsters in the dark... I'd say score's even." There's a ton of classic lines in there though you'll leave the theater laughing to. One example so you have an idea what I mean would be after killing one of the Crawlers... the survivors ask their doctor friend "So what exactly are we fighting?" The monsters have basically been discovered previously to be blind, excellent at climbing walls, and use hearing to find prey. The doctor says after 25 minutes of the movie being chased by these things... "Well... they are certainly blind. And well adapted for the underground life." I'll close saying this much... The Descent is worth seeing if you honestly want to be "entertained" for an hour and a half but not worth seeing in least way shape or form if your goal is to see a GOOD movie.