Oh dear - Dog Soldiers was a fluke!

Rating: 5/10 (9 July 2005)

This film will almost certainly not be what you think or want it to be. Firstly,the characters all irritate beyond belief. The group just doesn't work. In fact,neither do they work as individuals. The fact is...they just don't gel. They are about as believable and genuine as the imbeciles that take part in (and indeed watch) Big Brother. You don't ever get the feeling that not only would they all keep in touch over many years,but choose to spend huge amounts of time in each others company doing dangerous deeds. I personally struggled to stay in their company for the duration of the movie. As for the "creatures"...they are clammy,but not frightening. At all. Mostly because we saw them before,in "Creep". They sometimes find things with their "bat-like" sonar. Although one leans on the head of the lead and cannot distinguish her cranium from the geology of the catacombs. Oh dear. God,just forget all the other planet-sized holes in this film take it as read that this movie does indeed sucketh. Of course,if you disagree you can feel a warm glow in your wallet because this will not spend much time on an HMV shelf without being reduced to about £5.99 in my opinion. Then again you could save that £5.99 and use it to fund a more lavish sequel.