Don't sit too near the front

Rating: Null/10 (16 July 2005)

Like I did. Despite horror films being a touch old hat, the jumps in The Descent are by no means as predictable as expected. I was too old to see this movie but I bribed the management into giving me a ticket. It is about some girls who go potholing in the Apelican mountains. There are no pelicans, I just can't spell Appalachian. The director's last film failed because the budget did not extend to actually having special effects. A hairy dummy which I took to be a werewolf was jigged up and down by a window by a prop person while the camera was flung about in attempt to fool us into thinking the wolf was something other than an inanimate object. By that point I was nodding off causing even more jitters. This time the director was able to afford monsters but made them look like Orcs from Lord of the Rings. What is Lord of the Rings? Well it's about a mythical kingdom called Middle Earth that is populated amongst other things by little people called Hobbits and a wizard called Gandalf and there's this ringno, best not. Anyway, it is one of a curious number of decisions, such as beginning the opening scene with quick cuts like his last film. This meant I almost entirely missed a plot point about an affair which I only 'got' when belatedly reading a review. Confusingly he has also hired two actresses with identical boat races. It was also unwise to pull the rug on sympathy for his lead actress. A film this bleak really needs someone to unambiguously root for, rather than frown upon for moral reasons. I also noticed the odd out of focus shot and the climatic fight was botched to say the least. None of this is ruinous, however. I would say that the only glaring fault is the running time. Eighty five minutes tops, please, for movies that have the intellectual content of a grape. The enigmatic ending seemed contrived to create a buzz for the film on Internet message boards. Mission accomplished.
So to sum up, The Descent is slightly above average. It is depressing and pointless but then so are the last few Woody Allen films so it's Hobson's choice really. Anyone wishing to corner the director into explaining the ending should look for a bald gentleman with fangs standing in an airport departure lounge, clutching a one way ticket to LA. I'm not jealous.