Descent Into Poor Cinema

Rating: 1/10 (2 October 2008)

What can I tell you? This is not a scary film. It is not an intelligent film. This is a poorly-shot, MTV-style wanna-be starring a would-be G.I. Jane and her lamebrain pals, Trauma Jane, Dr. Jane, Frenchy Jane and Unnecessary Jane. Did I leave out any janes? I wish they had. Seriously, these characters were too dumb even for this shlockfest. They didn't NEED any monsters to chase them, they endangered themselves unaided. Still, monsters we have, and as usual, no one can go underground without meeting some "like a bat, but not a bat" creatures. ho-hum. I've seen and enjoyed bad movies, but this is beyond the pall. Not specific enough? OK--This is the new Red Zone Cuba. We clear now?