Oh Dear God!

Rating: 1/10 (20 August 2006)

My friend and I wanted to see Pirates 2, but it was sold out. Instead, being big horror fans, we decided to see this instead. Big mistake. If I had known it was from the same guy that made Dog Soldiers I would have run screaming from the cinema there and then. But I was drawn in by the hype. Oh Dear God.
What can I say about this movie other than it sucks big time. The British have always had trouble making good horror and this is no different. They seem to think that if they film it all in the dark then no one will realize how cheap it all is. Wrong. My simple rule is: if you don't have the money, don't make the film.
It starts with a good scene (the car crash bit) and then takes what seems like hours to get to the cave. When it finally gets there we have to wait another hour for any action. And you know what, it's not worth the wait. After all that time you are treated to naked guys running around with bat ears on. I thought this was funny rather than scary. With all the technology at the fingers of film-makers today why not give us something cool? Ever heard of CGI? After I had finished laughing I wanted my money back! Be warned!