Boring and predictable processed cheese

Rating: 2/10 (4 August 2006)

Okay, I just saw it and I'm going to be righteous and indignant...
When sexy British spelunkers go out to the Appalachians to find a new cave system something 'gosh' goes awry. The main character (by main I don't mean most well developed and fleshed out character who drives the movie, instead I mean the survivor no one really cares about or knows) causes a cave-in, and they must now fight against a really lame Nosferatu/Gullom-esquire bunch of Chud rip-offs.
And of course, they die in succession, whoever died in what order I don't know since I didn't care about a single one of the sexy wannabe tomb-raiders.
THIS MOVIE IS NOTHING BUT CHEAP SCARES!!! The usual false sense of security and then bam, something quick happens. Then they get down into the dark to where you can't really see what's going on.
Moving on in the fill in the blanks, mad lib style of film-making comes in full force the crazy woman who becomes like one of the cave dwellers and slays enough to get the mandatory gore level required for an R-rating (and I'll bet there's gonna be an NC-17 version too, with 30 extra seconds of someone getting hacked.) Then, the sole survivor finds a way out (and stabbing someone who ACCIDENTALLY killed someone, leaving her to fend for herself)And we then realize she went in a huge circle since the cars they left ARE RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HER WHEN SHE GETS OUT OF THE SECOND CAVE!!!! Also, really weird that these cave people are so close to the county roads. You'd figure some hick would find them.
So, in my professional opinion, don't watch this movie, in fact don't watch any horror movie made after 'Silence of the Lambs,' well, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe 'Candyman'. It's a fact, Hollywood will never make horror movies like they used to. All they're doing right now is remaking old horror movies and its wearing thin. C'mon, the Hills have eyes? House of Wax? The originals weren't all that great but they were at least better made than glossy cash-in remakes!!!! One day Hollywood, there's gonna be a revloution and you will not be spared!