Not even HALF-"descent"

Rating: 2/10 (18 May 2011)

Contains spoiler? (as if it were possible to "spoil" this waste of celluloid) What is this, some sort of mass Internet hoax where a thousand people get together and submit good reviews for an appallingly bad movie? Or did Neil Marshall pay off his family and Facebook friends to do so? Either way, how this mess ever earned its current score of 7.4/10 is beyond me. I generously gave it a second star solely for its premise, a group of girls going spelunking and getting trapped. THAT had the potential for a good movie, but noooo... it wouldn't have kept the attention of the ADD-suffering younger crowd, so they also had to spice it up by tossing in a tribe of cannibalistic Bat Boys lifted from covers of the Weekly World News, right down to using echolocation that sounds like the pathetic throat-creaking used in The Grudge. What they SHOULD have tossed was this whole film... into the incinerator.
The "scary" creatures were instead completely laughable, despite using the trite old formula of having the movie become dark and quiet, then accompanying sudden movement with loud noise. Cat jumping onto a trash can lid in a dark alley, anyone? Please. If that weren't enough, we're also "treated" to a misleading storyline that turns out to really be just a "dream sequence." Oh well, if it worked for The Wizard of Oz, it should work for 1842 other movies too, right? Nah, it's time to finally put these tired old dream sequences to BED.