Wake me when it's over

Rating: 1/10 (14 August 2006)

I am very opinionated about horror movies and I haven't seen a good (new) horror movie since the remake of Hill Have Eyes. I despise movies like Saw and Hostel and I saw this for free and had very low expectations. So early on this woman gets into a car wreck and her husband and daughter die and for some odd reason it in to way affects the story as soon as everyone goes to the cave. So they put than in to make you feel sorry for her I guess. The characters are all very generic and the movie has almost no story. There was way to much talk and very little in the way of suspense. They use boring conversations as filler and you just sit there waiting for someone to die. The monsters weren't even the slightest bit scary and they show them way too often so it really cheapens it even more. The special effects were beyond awful, you hear a sound effect and see the aftermath in most deaths and in the other deaths it's a monster pouncing on someone and fake looking blood shoots out. For example if someone gets stabbed you hear the effect and the camera will cut to the knife already in the monster and the make up already applied, anyone with 5 bucks and a video camera could make better effects than this. In one scene this chick has a leg injury and people were actually grossed out by this. There is a fake looking bone sticking from the pant leg, and when the pant leg is lifted the make up is already there and it doesn't look very real.
How about the lack of suspense? You know who will die next long before it happens, it's always when someone gets wreck less and you just know they will die soon. The monsters just magically pop up out of nowhere every few minutes. There is no psychology, no stalking, no nothing it's just BAM! And the monster just pops out. Damned pathetic. So if you've ever seen a monster movie then you will have this movie figured out long before anything happens. And like I said there is no real story, it's a bunch of women with annoying accents in a cave with a bad rip off of that thing from Jeepers Creepers popping out of nowhere every few minutes until the credits start rolling, oh yeah and according to my watch the monsters didn't even show up for about an hour (but then again there were at least 15 minutes of previews from when I went in.) So if you like your violence as fake as possible, your gore kept to a minimum, a movie that treats you like a fool, a movie that give you plenty of warnings too early (almost like The Grudge remake), and just fails on every possible level than this is the movie for you.
Do yourself a big favor and go to your nearest video store and rent the following movies: The Thing, Alien, Aliens, Jaws, Piranha, and Piranha 2. Then you'll be satisfied. Those are the monster movies that really will shock you and you just won't expect what will happen next. These are the foundations of the sub-genre that every other movie has been ripping off for the last 2-3 decades.