A Heavily MIsguided MIssile by a fading master of the Mob Movie

Rating: 1/10 (15 June 2015)

THE DEPARTED, Scorcese 2006 Viewed at the first Rome Film Festival, October, 2006. A Misguided Missile by a fading maestro of the Mob Movie and A bloated regression into crass commercialism. An undercover cop and a mole in the police attempt to identify each other while infiltrating an Irish gang in South Boston. NOTA Bene: The Departed is a remake of the 2002 Hong Kong actioner, "Internal Affairs" ~ This one shoulda stayed in China.
Today's email from colleague and editor Tom Dirlis, in Prague; "Ahoy, Alex: Sounds like you're having a helluva time over there — la dolce vita and all that! Did you see the new Scorsese flick? How was the press conference? Haven't been too impressed with him lately and Di Caprio can kiss my butt, but Marty did make a few great ones. Always waiting for the comeback. Tom". —————
REPLY : Ahoy, Tomasso — Yep, Life is pretty sweet here in Rome at the moment, and I'm glad you asked about Scorcese! I was just getting ready to knock out the usual cagey, journalistically correct (JC) review of "The Departed" but with you I don't have to hedge my bets and can tell it like it is — the Hole Truth, and nothing but The Truth So, for openers; The bottom line is, NO –this is NOT the great comeback for Scorcese — in fact it's a regression even further back into obvious crass commercialism than was "Aviator", which was pretty damn regressive, not to mention a pile of horse manure.
To start with, both Nicholson AND Dicaprio were SERIOUSLY miscast — The best role in the whole film is MARK WAHLBERG, who should get a Purple Heart for having to give his all in the company of the phony stars who get to walk away with all the credit (as if there was anything creditable to speak of) while he actually keeps this monstrosity afloat whenever he's on. The interview following the press screening was FAR more interesting than the film itself, which I found hard to actually sit out and squirm through.
For one thing, too much rapid artsy intercutting between the parallel stories of how Dicaprio and Damon infiltrate the police department and The Mob, respectively. The whole shebang was far too intricate for a Boston based gangsta Story and shoulda "stayed in bed", which is too say, in Hong Kong, where it started out, and where it belongs. An exercise in bloated glossy bullshit all around. According to Scorcese in the following Press Con, this was an exercise in "experimentation". Well, maybe that was the problem — It's so Experimental that it falls apart in every other scene without ever getting it together anywhere in between.
The only thing that makes it more or less tolerable are the very good supporting roles by Alec Baldwin (always good), Wahlberg (always superb), and Martin Sheen (always interesting, especially now with white hair), but there is one key supporting role that is pathetically bad –the police psychiatrist, played by an unknown (and unappealing) actress by the name of Vera Farmiga. For Christ Sake — Whoopy Goldberg would have done a much better job! This gal must be a friend of the family — in fact the whole film feels to me like an expensive home movie made by Scorcese for and with his family and friends. The bottom Line? P. U. — "The Departed" sucks heavily. Glad you asked.
Given the obvious star power of the main cast and the advance (paid-off?) press hype to the effect that Marty is "back in stride doing his gangster stuff", I would be hesitant to predict that this awful picture will flop in America, but somebody watching the parade just has to come out and say it –when the king ain't wearing a single goddamn stitch!
As for the main roles, it's maybe not so much that Jack Nicholson was miscast as an Irish Maffia don, but rather that he's gotten to be such a gigantic Ham that all he ever does anymore is imitate himself as the Devil in "The Witches of Salem", or play an old creep on constant viagra overdose. To my mind, he's had an interesting career, but it's time for him to stay in bed –for good! Nevertheless, because of some sort of star-inertia principle -- (A moving Hollywood Box Office Force tends to keep moving in a straight line as long as money can be drained out of it) -- his face and name still sell tickets at the B.O. Viggo Mortensen would have been more credible in the role.
As for Leonardo — well, to see the way he beats the living govno out of all kinds of heavy thugs in this pic, with the greatest of ease, you'd have to think he was the baddest ass who ever lived. A bare-knuckled Billy The Kid, when actually we all know he's a frail, sensitive, loving chap who wouldn't hurt a fly. This all has about the same credibility level as a tubercular looking Montgomery Clift knocking John Wayne for a loop in "Red River". Matt Damon, the third big name in the cast, is acceptable since he's not called on to do anything but what he always does best — a grown up hoodlum with a working-class Boston accent who wishes he could have made it to Harvard. Hate to disappoint you, pal, but let me know what you think when you get to see it — and just remember: Never trust a film critic! — not even Yours Truly.
Ps: Marty did get his long overdue Oscar in 2007, providing him with official entry to the exclusive Spielberg-Coppola Club -- which only goes to show that the Oscars are more about anointing selected breadwinners than recognizing art.