Apocalypse Lite

Rating: 3/10 (19 July 2005)

A truly horrific experience. "The Day After Tomorrow" heralds from the pop-culture school of action-adventure, where the world is threatened again and again by a splashy screen saver.
Things start out, as these films do, with a guilty father. This particular father is guilty because he doesn't spend a lot of time with his son. Don't hang too much on this though, because the movie doesn't. You can substitute basically any reason for a father to feel guilty in any Hollywood picture released in the past 15 years without consequence.
It turns out that the guilty father is a scientist. Not just any scientist, but a brilliant scientist. So brilliant he's one of the only people on the planet to predict an approaching global super storm. But no one will believe him, especially--are you ready for this--a vice president who happens to look *exactly* like Dick Cheney. Not-Dick-Cheney says it would be too costly to fight global warming. This is what is called "dramatic irony," when the audience know something the character's don't. In this case, we know that production company spent hundreds of millions of dollars on CGI effects, but not-Dick-Cheney is in the dark.
Meanwhile the guilt-causing-son travels to New York for no reason other than the directors intend to destroy it. Several obligatory characters are introduced here, including the going-to-be-girlfriend-shortly-after-major-cataclysmic-event.
This is about when the screen saver turns on. Los Angeles and Tokyo are destroyed. The process of Hollywood elimination leaves only New York, which receives its comeuppance in the form of a stealth tidal wave.
Leaving the science behind how a 40+ foot tidal wave invades New York and camps there for 11 days aside, let us consider that the New York metropolitan area has more people per square mile than any city in the U.S, or close to it. As a result you might expect people to leave behind bodies when the city fills with forty feet of water. But nature has a surprise for us: this is the world's first acidic tidal wave, dissolving every dead body it comes in contact with. It is followed shortly after by acidic snow.
So everything gets cold--real cold, but, like vampires, it can't come in unless you invite it. Somewhere in here as well we have the lamest attempt to add drama in a major motion picture for 2004, when some CGI wolves show up to much the guilt-causing son. There's also some bit about the guilty father trudging through the snow to reach his son in New York. His motivation: he's guilty and he "has to do this." Eventually it all ends. Guilty dad shows up not five minutes before rescue helicopters do, making his entire journey less than pointless. I guess it was about "proving yourself." We're assured that everything is okay because even though 2 billion people are dead, the guilty-father and his family made it through, the son got himself a girlfriend, and there are no more screen savers in the budget.
In all of this, I left out the smarmy subplots about a kid with cancer and an ultra corny series, probably paid for by the White House, in which the president is the last person to evacuate the danger zone. It's funny stuff, and a good shot in the arm for anyone who believes the "liberal Hollywood" mantra last seen screeching from Ann Coulter's lips.
In total, this movie is terrible. Even for a disaster film. Watch it for the screen savers, avoid if you're looking for a credible plot, realistic dialog, or inspired acting.
3/10