Did you know that Hong Kong zombies "hop" when they attack?

Rating: Null/10 (14 June 2004)

If I want to see a bad movie for pure entertainment value, I can always rely on my wife to bring home some truly awful Hong Kong zombie/vampire flicks in Cantonese...those I can watch...this I could not. Let me see if I've got this right: I drive a SUV. Therefore, ocean currents are reversing, the ice shelf in the Antarctic just happens to split right down the middle between two tents in a US base, tornadoes just happen to devour LA and take out the Hollywood sign perfectly as if the tornado thought it was a mobile home, and the eye of a monster storm just happens to pass exactly over downtown Manhattan? How about those sub-plots? Let's see: The idiotic love story about a braniac babe too stupid to tell anyone her leg is festering, the human interest story about a cancer-ridden child and the brave nurse who stays with her as Armageddon approaches, the father/son epic about a dad crossing a couple of hundred miles in two days on snow shoes in -150 degree weather and ends up in exactly the right spot, the touching story of a homeless man and his keen insights on how to keep warm on the streets, and the lectures...oh the sanctimonious lectures from some lame actor who probably thinks he actually was doing a public service for mankind by participating in this film as he scolded the obvious let's make Dick Cheney seem like a real buffoon and mean guy shtick. The acting? Top notch. I refer back to my wife's zombie/vampire Hong Kong movies. The zombies do a better job than this cast, geesh. Just when I thought I might consider a hybrid vehicle, this comes along and changes my mind. I do have one lingering thought however...just where can I purchase one of those orange tents that apparently were manufactured on Krypton?