One of the dumbest movies I've ever sat through

Rating: 1/10 (11 August 2013)

I know taste is personal but this was so mega-watt stupid, that I can't get over even the fact that sat through it. Yes, I saw "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight" and I thought those were OK-enough action/adventure films. (And yeah, I'm old enough that I watched and loved the old Adam West Batman series on TV!)
First off, the film looks just awful. It's so dark that many scenes are impossible to watch, things flying by in the dark. You can't even enjoy seeing the Batcycle or Batplane, as it's too dark to really what they look like. You can't even really make out Batman's batsuit here.
Christian Bale reprises the role; he's OK as Batman but never seems to be enjoying or relishing the role. Once we establish Bruce Wayne as this handicapped, his return to fighting strength is not credible -- if you have no cartilage in both knees, you are lucky if you can walk up a few stairs, let alone fist fight anyone.
Bane? I hear that the villain is well-developed in the Batman graphic novel universe; here he borders on ridiculous. He's got a Hannibal Lektor bondage-type mask on through the WHOLE movie -- they never unmask him, which the viewer is practically begging for by the end. (They unmasked Darth Vader, for cripe's sake!) Tom Hardy works this part pretty hard, but it's impossible to emote with a mask over your MOUTH, and all your dialog not just mumbled, but mumbled in a strange Gypsy accent.
Anne Hathaway as Catwoman? Hathaway is pretty, but frail looking. She is not credible in the fight scenes, where she ass-woops some big men even though she weighs roughly 90 lbs. She also has zero sex chemistry with Batman or Bruce Wayne.
The stand out is Joseph Gordon-Levitt, maturing into a fine actor -- he's really almost the lead here, as Batman/Bruce Wayne are curiously absent for over half the run-time.
So again-- where to begin with all the ghastly flaws here? Having Batman absent for most of the film is a serious error. Batman is so weak and sickly here, he's not a hero -- just a weakling who fights like a girl and gets beat up by the villain (Bane). He won't use weapons, so he fights with his fists, even though the city is at stake from terrorist with a NUCLEAR WEAPON. (The Federal government is curiously disinterested and uninvolved with the proceedings, even over 5 months -- no special Ops, no Seal Team Six, no troops, nothing.)
The police -- all of 'em -- go into the sewer system to hunt down Bane and his team, with the result that they are all trapped....for 5 months. How do they eat? the FAQ states that "food is sent down through manholes". OK -- then why can't they ESCAPE up the manholes? Yeesh. It's just bad writing so that Bane can rule over the city.
Unlike almost all other Americans, the residents of Gotham have no personal guns or weapons and don't fight back.
Some other critical errors IMHO:
1. It's implied Bane was horribly mutilated while trying to save Talia in prison -- his jaw torn off? all his teeth pulled? SOMETHING? but we never learn what. This is a cheat. It must be pretty awful if he requires a mask all the time, and pain medication constantly.
2. What's with the stupid prison anyhow? People move in and out of it like it was hotel -- no guards, no security. It seems to be down a well. Men & women & children are all imprisoned in the same place -- no cells, no restraints? A tiny child can easily escape? It must be pretty darn close to Gotham, since Bane can drag Bruce Wayne there and back, seemingly in an hour.
3. When Bruce Wayne escapes finally from the well, he does it by not taking a rope. But at the top of the well, he HAS a rope and throws it back down -- to help the others escape? huh? Why say "no rope" and then show him with a huge rope?
4. Why does the prison have a huge flat screen TV? what primitive third world prison has a huge flat screen TV for PRISONERS, let alone gets reception on it -- in English? (Where again is this prison??) Do they have CABLE? for prisoners?
5. The film posits that young orphaned boys in Gotham live in orphanages, run by priests -- what is this, 1940 and "Bells of St. Mary's" or something? Orphanages do not exist in the US; children without parents live in foster homes, run by the state. The idea of turning stately Wayne Manor into an orphanage is beyond ridiculous.
6. Is John Blake (Gordon-Levitt) supposed to be Robin? They imply this, but it is not consistent with the Batman canon. (Gordon-Levitt is a better actor than Bale, and has more screen time, which badly unbalances the story.)
7. Bruce Wayne loses his entire fortune (???), in one bad investment. Now he's poor. So how, at the end, is he able to go to Paris with Selena Kyle and live comfortably? Paris is wicked expensive. Also: Europe isn't on Neptune; how could someone that famous live openly in Paris and nobody in the US ever notices or reads about him?
Thats just a few of the more painful idiocies; the whole movie is practically ready for Mystery Science Theatre 3000 -- almost every scene has something thats flat-out absurd or illogical in it.
In conclusion: a total waste of time. If I'd paid money to see this, I'd be seriously angry. Fortunately I just viewed someone's DVD of it. Even so, I won't get those 2.5 hours of my life back! AVOID.