A Marketing Tour De Force-A Dour, Cinematic mess

Rating: 2/10 (10 December 2012)

Spoilers... Way big ones.
It is Abundantly clear that Nolan did Not want to make this picture in the worst way. Everything points to a first draft script that he scribbled off on the back of a napkin and ran with it right up to shooting......Let us review the two main characters:
BatMan: The Great Detective gets robbed of his fingerprints but he can't summon the will or mental capacity to realize (or care) that someone is about to attempt identity theft... of a very rich man.... using an authentication system requiring his fingerprints........ Perhaps it's just some EBay fad - "Fingerprints of the Rich and Famous" ...or a scavenger hunt!
The Great Detective has retired and is pining for Rachael, a throw-away character with absolutely no chemistry who couldn't manage to love him once she discovered his identity and could no longer critique his wastrel life-style (lost her nagging rights).
But then.... Lightning strikes and he finds a woman he can Really bond with (well....she's alive for one thing and that's a plus).... but she betrays him repeatedly (helps destroy his company, hands him over to a psychotic killer with a brutal penchant for inane patter).. but Hey! She's funny and hates the rich and he hates himself (so they've got That going for them).
And yet, complications arise. .. But then lightning strikes Twice and there's the cool, sexy business woman. Surely Here, at last he can find true love (and won't have to keep checking for his wallet- Bonus!)...... but she turns out to be an evil mastermind of ...... evilness...... dedicated to ..... killing everyone because daddy didn't love her and Bruce killed daddy and ....um......Evil must be served! (or whatever)
So here we have the Great Detective and he is (as best I can determine) a battered spouse/significant other looking for love with the wrong bad girl ....who ultimately disappoints (see "tries to nuke everyone") and, in the end, forces him back into the arms of betrayal girl because, at the end of the day, when your second choice for main squeeze embraces nuclear Armageddon, are a few betrayals Really that important?.....gives you perspective!
And Hey! She blew that Bane dude totally away by...... pointing a gun at him and shooting him. Wow! Aside from being devoid of a nuclear death wish, she's Super smart too.... Who would have imagined that Bane had a secret vulnerability to bullets?! "Wait!" you say. "Foul!" you say. Dead Man switch thing! You can't shoot him or the reactor-bomb will go off..... although betrayal girl Did soot him dead...and all....or maybe they should have just gone after the bomb First...... or something.
So.... Bruce/Bats was a bit of a let-down - Dense as a post, Self-Loathing, Indifferent to his corporate responsibilities (and he Does so love crushing responsibilities!), Crippled (until evil jail doc discovers a cool method of fixing compound fractures of the spine..... The Push and Pop Method.....Damn! Alert the AMA! Next stop: magical Knee Braces!..... oh wait! Apparently someone already invented that.
But I digress....
Bane: Well......What Can you say?... a steroid juicing Shakespearean actor wannabe with a speech impediment stuck to his face saddled with a strange compulsion to find the most hideously convoluted way do anything he sets his mind to.
Let's look at the tape:
How to recapture a scientist and make the CIA believe he's dead:
Annoyingly Boring Method: As one (clearly) has weeks to train aerial acrobats, one could stake out the landing field with snipers and shoot the pilot and all the CIA guys, take the scientist and put CIA dudes and scientist stand-in on the plane, fly same over deep water and bail out.
Really, Really Cool Method: First watch Stallone's Cliffhanger movie for the Military Cargo aircraft latches on to Gov't plane and takes people/stuff off the aircraft in mid-air scene (complete with inside man). Remove all credibility from the sequence. Rehash same and create Bane's Flying Circus. Then cross fingers and hope CIA dudes don't notice plane at crash site doesn't have any wings....anywhere within miles.
How to put bogus trades through the Stock Exchange systems:
Annoyingly Boring Method: Bribe a broker and have him plug in and turn on your laptop with the trading programs on it. Kill broker after the fact. (But seriously, who'd buy tickets to see that! Plug/Switch on/Program runs/Cut to next Scene – Yikes! You'd cut 10 minutes out of the movie that way and have virtually nothing left to fill out the 90 minute.... um....120 min.....um..... 150....) Whatever! Boring!
Really, Really Cool Method: Storm a secured building in the downtown section of the city, Shoot up the Exchange. Plug in laptop to run programs. Hope that the Exchange, alerted that it has been Way compromised, does not suspend trading and back out any suspicious trades..... it would also be helpful if everyone at Wayne Enterprises were on vacation and didn't notice hundreds of trade confirms.... Ooh! Hey! But Talia could have intercepted them or something... But then she could have put the trades through herself without being detected if she could do that....so.....maybe not so cool.
Too late for brevity, but there is SO much else that one could have played with: Hollywood Fusion reactors that become Fusion bombs if you tweak them, Helicopters that are covered over the top (andstill fly), Magic Dent laws that allow the keystone cops to pacify an entire (Chicago-type) city with only 3000 men (try 12,000 for Chicago) and yet Not notice a Commando/homeless person army, Fantastic leaps of motivational logic, etc, etc.
My best guess, failing the Napkin Draft theory, is that Nolan was channeling Andy Warhol whose body of work may be summed up with the philosophy "With the right marketing, you can sell anything."
Still... Great Cinematography! Gold star for that! (That would be Two stars then.)