Matthew Modine's Greatest Role since "Vision Quest"

Rating: 7/10 (1 August 2012)

Just kidding. But seriously, TDKR is a bit of a mess. So, like the movie, this review will just be a hodgepodge of non-sequiturs.
Spoilers ahead, possibly for the whole trilogy, but you know you've already seen it.

I wish the role of "picture of Rachel Dawes" had been played by a picture of Katie Holmes rather than a picture of Maggie Gyllenhall.

Was Bane supposed to be a sympathetic character at the end because he turned out to be a mass murderer who once was kind to the young daughter of a mass murderer who herself grew up to be a wanna-be mass murderer?

On the other hand, thank you, Bane, for outing Harvey Dent as a two-face. His legacy was way overrated. Still, I'm not quite sure why every criminal locked up in Gotham should be released from jail just because Dent crossed over to the dark side for all of two days.

What should have been the coolest scene in the movie - the collapse of Heinz Field - was totally boring because everyone had already seen it dozens of times in the trailer. I guess they had to cut that scene short because Hines Ward is known to smile after every play, no matter how brutal, and that wouldn't have been appropriate here.

I thought the big surprise ending was gonna be that Batman died. Once he inexplicably survived that shanking from Marion Cotillard, I knew a little thing like a nuclear bomb wouldn't stop him.

OK, so the Tumblers are cool but those new guns on them looked like they were made by Hasbro. The Bat(wing) took a direct hit from them at point-blank range and didn't miss a beat.

Any particular reason that police officials wouldn't believe Commissioner Gordon's reports of terrorists in the sewers? I'd believe any random stranger who reported that.

Bane, you are one ominous dude. I like your style and your long hours at the gym have really paid off. But you're a bit of a mushmouth.

If I ever get sent to prison I wanna go to that hellhole. Unlimited free escape attempts with your fellow cons holding the rope and rooting you on. Plus free chiropractic.

OK, so Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, and especially George Clooney may all be totally unbelievable as Batman, but I realized watching this movie that Christian Bale is simply unlikeable as Batman. And that's worse.

Why are regular citizens and city officials in Nolan's Batman movies always more cartoonish and unbelievable than the superheroes and supervillains?

Cillian Murphy had a pointless, disappointing cameo in this movie. Just like in "Batman Begins".

The extended boxing matches in TDKR were more interesting than the choppily edited fight scenes in "Batman Begins". But just barely.

Pretty much every bad thing that happened to Bruce Wayne and Gotham City in this movie is Catwoman's fault. But she looks fly in her outfit so all is forgiven.

Who would have thought that all these years later, "Memento" would still be Christopher Nolan's least ridiculous film?