Dark Bile Rises

Rating: 6/10 (22 July 2012)

I should not have to concentrate this hard to follow a superhero film. If I feel tangled up in this plot, then how the hell would a ten-year old navigate this sticky mess? As Maude Flanders once said, "Think of the children... will somebody please, think of the children!" Don't get me wrong, I love unpicking my way through a rich tapestry of plot lines from the likes of Oliver Stone; but I demand simpler stories from a caped crusader.
The misdemeanours in screen writing didn't end there. I want to know the name of the latte-sipping executive who decided that this film needed an awkwardly unnecessary, tacked-on love tryst between Miranda and Bruce Wayne. It felt appended to the script by hands made grubby from handling too much money.
Next on the agenda – and I do have one - is Catwoman. I was expecting to the usual mixed emotions when facing a comic chick in skin-tights: disgust with Hollywood for trying to manipulate my hormones; followed closely by disgust with myself because it works so effectively. Instead I was pleasantly surprised by Anne Hathaway. The lady displayed the finesse of a thespian as she expertly shifted gear from kow-towed housemaid to the smartest character on set. And yes, her booty was fine in latex. However, Maggie Gyllenhaal looked equally fine lawyered-up in Dark Knight four years ago. So there.
There were less-than fortunate players wasting their talent in Dark Bile Rises. Hey Tom Hardy, good luck following up on Heath Ledger's scene-stealing show-stopping swan-song as Batman's last villain. It must be especially frustrating for you seeing as you have to wear a device that covers the lower half of your face - robbing you of any cool snarky expressions appropriate to a super-villain. I can hear Heath laughing diabolically from his grave.
Here is interesting sidenote for geeks like me: After Quantum of Solace, Dark Knight Rises marks the second time an eco-crusader is revealed to be a terrorist bent on ruining rather than saving the world. mmm