The Da Vinci Code - don't do it!

Rating: 1/10 (23 May 2006)

Where to start.....For those of you that just want to get a quick impression of the movie without having to read a full commentary, I will start by saying that it is truly one of the most God-awful (no pun intended!) movies I have ever seen - perhaps with the exception of the Julian McMahon 'erotic' movie Magenta (but then air guitar music is always a sign of a bad movie!). At no point throughout the pain-staking two and a half hours of the movie, does Ron Howard capture the atmosphere of the book. In true Ron Howard style he steers away from delving into any dark territory, preferring to capture every scene with an air of lightness - which may also explain the (mis)casting of Tom Hanks as Robert Langdon. Tom has this Harold Bishop quality (an aging wobbly-cheeked jolly fellow from Ozzie soap Neighbours - for those of you who aren't familiar with this fab TV masterpiece!) about him which is completely misplaced for the portrayal of a character such a Robert Langdon, who is described as such an intellectual, stiff upper lip kind of man with a much sterner and deeper voice also than that of Mr. Nice Guy Tom Hanks. Having said that, Audrey Tatou made Tom Hanks look great. As much as I loved her in Amelie, she was terrible in this movie, as she delivered each and every one of her lines completely flat! (which is probably more a reflection of the crap dialogue the actors were given to work with, than the actors' own abilities) It seemed as though Audrey Tatou (and the rest of the actors for that matter) was holding the book below the frame and just reading her lines directly from it, which also says something for the movie's adapted screenplay, which seems to have been forgotten in a desperate attempt to pump the movie out as quickly as possible - rushed casting, rushed screenplay - the only thing that wasn't rushed which could have been was the damn movie, which dragged so terribly! The dialogue in the movie appears directly from the book, with seemingly no attempt to adapt it for the big screen - lesson 1.01 - what works in a 600 page book does not necessarily work in a 2 and half hour movie - having failed to appreciate this lesson the dialogue is often cringe-worthy and endlessly expository. Had Ron Howard focused more on capturing the sentiment and tone of the book, then perhaps it wouldn't have been necessary to have the actors spew endless pieces of dialogue, as a result of which the viewers may have been spared of Audrey Tatou's painful delivery! As a side-note, Sophie Nevue would never use the word "kid", nor would Robert Langdon say "wow" - it seems therefore that the vain attempts at adapting the dialogue in the book totally missed the mark anyway! I could potentially go on forever, but as the movie accomplished that and I'm still shattered from the experience I will spare you + I have already wasted 2 and a half hours of my life watching the monstrosity and so I am now ready to close that chapter! On one single positive note, Ian McKellen was fantastic yet again - but then that guy could make 2 hours of buttering bread look good! So in summary, spare yourselves (and your pennies) - enjoy the book and avoid the movie at all costs!