Some things just don't deserve a serious review...

Rating: Null/10 (30 January 2009)

The "THE" in the title of "THE DA VINCI CODE" movie is a serious marketing flaw. Six billion people read the book and now they're marketing the movie using the book's title? People ain't gonna fall for that. You don't go to the cinema because you've read the book already. You go to the cinema because you don't wanna read the book.
Man, it makes me mad when people don't consult me before making these vital decisions. What they should have done is dropped the "THE" but left the "DA".
Suddenly "THE DA VINCI CODE", a modest movie about monks, becomes. . .
"DA VINCI CODE!!!" . . .da baddest gangsta movie since "SCARFACE".
VINCI is a badass monk played by JOE PESCI. He's da only white midget crime lord monk in the history of Harlem. With ten gold teeth, four brass knuckles and a tattoo of Satan on his left testicle, VINCI isn't just a gangsta, he's a fashion statement.
Yeah, this movie will be moderately sweet. It will be rated X and should premiere on a Sunday to further tick off the Pope.
0/10- No wonder the Vatican hates Ron Howard. With a 750 million dollars world wide gross, this wacky crap conclusively proves the non-existence of God.