Anacrostic: The Movie

Rating: 5/10 (19 May 2006)

Have you ever sat and watched someone else do a crossword puzzle? Not particularly interesting, is it. Sure, maybe there's that one tricky word that causes a bit of consternation, but beyond that, it's quite dull.
Such is the film version of The Da Vinci Code.
This film is such a non-event, a total waste of the talents of Ron Howard, Tom Hanks, Alfred Molina, and Ian McKellan. You're effectively watching others meander through a puzzle, without any sense of drama or human interest or anything to keep you involved. The worst part is you're not even shown the clues! You just trudge along, being told what's happening. It's like listening to color commentary at a Scrabble tournament.
Character development is non-existent. Hanks' character is dull and lifeless, as is his partner (the sultry Audrey Tautou). Jeopardy is non-existent, frankly who cares if the Catholic Church is turned on its side (that's happened so much in recent years it's old news). The antagonists are not particularly threatening and only mildly creepy (and their eventual dispatch is, again, a non-event). The only interesting character is McKellan's Teabing, who provides the only levity and humanity in the film.
There are a few interesting visuals involving flashbacks to events in the distance past. There is also one real shocking sequence that made me swear out loud (it is that good). Beyond that, this film doesn't have many redeeming features.
5 out of 10, and I'm being generous.
Barky