"So Dark the Con of Man...." - Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks)

Rating: 4/10 (20 June 2006)

Dan Brown's controversial religious fiction is one of the highest selling novels of all time. If you ask almost any one of my family members or friends they will tell you it was an amazing book, but having not read it myself (cmon, I hate to friggin' read) I couldn't say whether it was actually better than the movie. Well, I hope so, but even more, I hope the book was more plausible and well, more...interesting and entertaining. It would be one thing if 'Da Vinci Code' was just unbelievable and made huge borderline idiotic conclusions based solely on a painting from Leonardo Da Vinci, but 'Da Vinci Code' makes those leaps and it is pretty damn boring. At 149 minutes, the 'Da Vinci Code' constantly drags, and will have you constantly glancing at your watch saying to yourself, "My God! When the f&*& is it going to end?!"
The plot follows a murder in the Lourve Museum, by a crazed albino Opus Dei priest (Paul Bettany). Supposedly, the Albino priest killed someone in order to secure a secret held by that order of the Catholic Church that is worth killing for. Tom Hanks is college professor brought in by the chief of police (Jean Reno) to investigate the crime, and realizes that the chief of police is working with Opus Dei and the only person he can trust is Audrey Tatou, a young spit-fire detective who for some reason knows the answer to everything. Tom Hanks and Audrey Tatou travel around trying to release the secret to the world and trouble ensues, and along the way they get help from....you guessed it....Gandalf himself.....Sir Ian McKellan who seems more interested in bickering about tea than the secret itself. What will happen in the end? I think by that time most of the audience will be asleep.
Finally the day I dreaded has arrived -- the day Ron Howard made a flop. After great efforts like Apollo 13, A Beautiful Mind, Cinderella Man, hell even Ransom, Howard has finally released a movie that in more words than one sucks ass. It isn't that Howard's direction is bad, in fact it's one of the best parts of the movie, it's just that it goes to waste in a film like this. Akiva Goldsman, Academy Award Winning screenwriter of A Beautiful Mind, provides a screenplay that could have been written by an eleven year old kid with A.D.D., it's jumpy, annoying and in some parts leaves big holes. The acting is also pretty disappointing. Tom Hanks provides us with his first bleak performance, while Audrey Tatou who I praised for her amazing work in 'Amelie' really gives perhaps one of the worst female screen performances of the last twenty-five years. She is just plain awful, and I was so shocked seeing as though she was so excellent in 'Amelie'. I came to the conclusion it was probably because she was acting in English and not French. I might not be that good if I acted in German. Ian McKellan is good but he seems like he phoned it in, and Alfred Molina does his best with a small role. The only actor who seems like he gives it his all is Paul Bettany, who in every scene steals it from those around him. Kudos to Bettany who even when acting in a lackluster film, gives it his all.
In conclusion, 'Da Vinci Code' disappointed the hell out of me. I expected it to be very good, but it just flopped. It was Ron Howard, Tom Hanks, Audrey Tatou, Ian McKellan and Akiva Goldsman's worst work, which is a pretty bold thing to say, but I truly believe it. The only high point of the film is Paul Bettany, honestly, he should receive a freakin' medal or something for being the only person involved with this movie who didn't have his head up his ass. For religious fanatics who are worried the film who encourage Christians to lose their faith, I say don't worry. People coming out of the movie won't question their faith as much as Ron Howard's artistic integrity.Grade: C- (screened at AMC Deer Valley 30, Phoenix, AZ, 5/19/06)