James Bond meets Carrie's Mother

Rating: 8/10 (28 May 2006)

I went to the film to see what all the fuss was about. I just about burst out laughing in the early scenes when I realised this James Bondian film was being taken as actual fact by some people.
The evil, handsome, masochistic, religious nutcase, almost albino monk Silas, played by Paul Bettany, ranks up there with the best of the Bond villains.
The Lourve in Paris dripping with French flavour and French dialog gave it that snazzy, international, ultra-wealthy, Bondian flavour.
Ian McClellan, as a grail scholar, was a hoot to watch and a treat to the ear to listen to, especially his line "starting with him".
The movie had more plot twists and double crosses than an Agatha Christie mystery. You never knew who the good guys were even after the movie ended. I have never seen a movie with so many competing sets of villains, each of whom is convinced he is the good guy. You experience the movie from the point of view of the bewildered Tom Hanks, a mild mannered university professor swept up into the supercharged world of Christian fanaticism, where faith justifies any crime. Hanks seems to be saying over and over to himself "What the heck is going on? Who ARE these people? Why are they doing this?" This echoes your own bewilderment. However, the bewilderment is not merely irritating, but tantalising. You figure that any moment you will figure it out.
The reason the movie is controversial is that it puts not only individual Christians in a bad light, but the entire religious establishment. Both the "heroes" and "villains" are equally nuts in this movie, fueled by ridiculous self-righteousness and exaggerated importance of trivia.
To me, it was absurd people would kill each other for centuries over a difference of opinion whether Jesus had a daughter born after his death.
The rather strained narrative sections use a novel cinematographic technique of showing history reenacted in a surreal sort of hologram, with a cast of thousands. Christian viewers had their noses rubbed in it as Hanks and McKellan reviewed the dark side of the history of the church, though Hanks lies in claiming science supports the existence of a historical Jesus.
I found myself wanting to shout out to the actors to "look out" since again and again they took no precautions whatsoever as danger closed in on them. It just about drove me crazy how many times the protagonists were such dolts when it came to self-preservation.
Many things rang false to the point of being silly, e.g. the use of Halmark Greeting Card English on supposedly medieval Italian artifacts, and the initial premise, that a dying man would spend his last hours composing an elaborate religious treasure hunt for his granddaughter, starting by carving clues into his body, or the utter lack of security on the famous paintings at the Louvre.
There are some delightful politically correct touches, such as the advantages of the tiny Smart car, and the use of penis symbolism in the military.
It's a long movie, but you won't be bored. Just the locations/sets alone are enough to keep you entertained.
There are a few realistic scenes of ritualistic self flagellation and mutilation. I had to look away. If you take young children, take appropriate precautions to avoid terrifying them.