Forget the controversy, this is a cinematic clunker

Rating: 2/10 (25 May 2006)

The 'Da Vinci Code' is not a very good film. Ignoring the debate about the relative merits of Dan Brown's plot on an historical basis and taking it simply as a plot, it's a potboiler, but a pretty good one. But adding Ron Howard and Tom Hanks to the mix is like putting lead boots on Justin Gatlin - it just drains it of all it's energy and removes any power it had to excite.
This reviewer has always found Hanks particularly off-putting as a leading man - 'Philadelphia' being his nadir - and this film does nothing to redeem him in my eyes. His appalling mullet at least made me chuckle, though his continual odd lip contortions seemed to display an inner doubt as to what, exactly, his character felt or believed. Thanks for that must, I'm sure, go to Ron Howard.
Poor Audrey Tautou. A wonderful actress here handed some of the worst dialogue since 'Star Wars'. For her straight face alone she deserves an Oscar nomination. Compare and contrast her here and in the marvellous (no, not that one) 'He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not', which is a minor masterpiece and allows her to show some real talent, unlike this pudding of a film.
Paul Bettany does his best with possibly one of the least promising characters ever to hit our screens: an albino Hit Monk. He is a good actor and does his best. Sir Ian McKellern does another jolly turn as Sir Leigh Teabing. He has a glint in his eyes throughout that shows he decided to play it as 'Carry On Holy Grail' and he clearly had a wonderful time chewing on the scenery. He was marvellous and the only one of this ensemble to unshackle themselves from the po-faced reverence Howard seemed to expect for this clunker of a screenplay. Even the normally excellent Alfred Molina succumbed.
*** Mini-spoiler ** So: implausible, unbelievable and unintentionally hilarious - I mean, did you see the state of some of the acrylic jumpers on the bunch of Priory of Sion at the end? I'm sure Sophie felt very protected when they appeared - and that is without recourse to a debate about the validity of Brown's plot as an historical argument. A clunker from start to finish that, joyously, reaches that tipping point that takes it from merely bad to so bad it is almost an instant cult classic. The Razzies must be in the bag already.
A shame for Tautou, Bettany, Molina and McKellern who deserve better. Par for the course for Hanks and Howard. 2/10 - for the unintentionally funny bits and for the luminous beauty of Ms Tautou.