Critics were right: it stinks, big time!

Rating: 3/10 (27 November 2006)

The critical reaction to this film was just vile, but then a lot of normal people who saw it afterward said, "Nah, it's pretty good." I'm here to tell you that the initial critical reception was right on the money for this one. It's God-awful. A symbologist and a cryptologist (two fields of study which probably do exist, I suppose, but sound awfully made-up) get framed for murder and get caught up in an ages-old clash between factions of the Catholic church. The movie mostly consists of the two scholars (Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou) racing from one locale to another solving riddles and puzzles, and just barely escaping the cops and the villains each time. The puzzles are reminiscent of the ones the Riddler produced on the 1960s Batman show: they're completely inane; no one could ever solve them, certainly not the audience. But somehow the heroes figure it all out in a matter of seconds. It's about as much fun as watching someone do a Sudoku when you don't know the rules. And the characters are as paper-thin as they could possibly be. I had absolutely zero involvement with them or their adventure. Dan Brown's novel is famously terrible, and, while I've often heard cinema improves his painful prose, after watching this film I shiver to think what actually reading him feels like. If the plot weren't enough to convince me, the dialogue is terrible. The actors are all only here for the fat paycheck. Hanks in particular seems completely dissatisfied with the part. Possibly the worst movie of the year.