Recipe for a Haunted House Horror Movie

Rating: 8/10 (21 October 2013)

Ahh, let me see now.... Where'd I put my recipe book? Gimme a sec, Reader. Oh yeah! Here it is!
Okay. You'll need 1 house. To this house add 1 to 3 table spoonful of f!!cked-up history.
Next, you'll need to add new residents. 1 will do, but I prefer to add a whole family. Included in this family is the obligatory resentful teen who objects to the move. As well, there is the cute kid who shortly begins communications with a "new friend" once the family moves in. And don't forget the family dog that senses that "something ain't quite right". Woof!
This is important reader: Add a pinch of joy and optimism. After all, it's a new home and new beginning.
Now add a 1/2 teaspoonful of curious sh!t that may have a plausible explanation. An unpleasant odor, cold, for example.
This should be eventually followed by 2 table spoonfuls of full-out weird sh!t that cannot be naturally explained away. Seeing things and physical assault, for example.
Immediately add 1 and 1/4 table spoonfuls of panic, fear, and unhappiness, since it now looks like this promising new home and beginning has been shot to hell.
Now generously add 1 and 1/2 cup of desperation.
Quickly add 2 religious experts in the supernatural.
Again add a pinch of joy and optimism (The experts have arrived and the family is comforted).
Now add 10 pounds of terror, supernatural phenomenon, destructiveness, assault, and all-out mayhem.
That's it reader. That's the recipe for a haunted house horror movie. You may optionally (It's your call) liberally sprinkle relief, a pound of joy, and a pinch of optimism at the end. My own preference is to leave that out. Highly recommended. Love, Boloxxxi.