Top 27 Things They Conjured Up for Us This Time

Rating: 3/10 (17 November 2013)

1. There's more clapping in this movie than at a Sunday Baptist church service. Hell, the clap-on/clap-off lady didn't do this much clapping.
2. Any paranormal story disclaimer of "Based on the true story" should be accompanied with "well, if you believe in this sort of thing."
3. To be fair, maybe the "true" part was that the Demonbuster Duo believes their own fairytale and did publish it. Sounds like another demonic duo that dreamt up a religion in the mid-1800s and also published it.
4. For being thee most "malevolent" case of the Demonbusters' 1000+ entries, does this mean the inevitable sequel is guaranteed to be less "malevolent?" Will this "truthful" disclaimer be on the poster?
5. "So far, it hasn't done anything violent, and that's a good sign," says Demonbuster Ed. The family must've only had that recently slaughtered family dog they loved so much for only a day in order for them to forget about her so quickly.
6. The debate, or inconsistencies within the story, of whether this is a ghost, demon, witchy-woman or Shadow Person, raged on with the contradictions in the script. Suffice to say, don't listen to anything the characters tell you and just know: it's a very bad thing.
7. Ghosts – or demons? - who have been dead for a long time start to stink badly. Which makes sense if they rotted, but do "ghosts" really decay?
8. I know it's 1971, but has anyone really ever cleaned with elbow grease?
9. If I softly close a kitchen cabinet, it wakes my roommate up. And yet, half a dozen picture frames fall hard against the staircase and the sound of shattering glass echoing throughout this house doesn't wake the five timid girls.
10. Nor does the mother stepping on the glass loudly.
11. Nor does the mother falling down the stairs.
12. Nor does the mother screaming.
13. Heck, screw this family. She should be the first to leave and alone. Especially when her girls don't hear her from within the house and the returning father hears one of the girls screaming inside from the outside, on the street, 200+ feet away and around a semi.
14. Don't fall for the "it's getting late" excuse from your Demonbuster Duo for hire. Remind them that there's at least five more hours of daylight left.
15. As with most of these fictional tales, entities can teleport beyond walls. However, children and dolls still shouldn't be able to. Making this up as you go, eh?
16. Even though it seems like our Demonbuster heroine drops six floors in a two-story home, it shouldn't take five minutes to get to the basement to rescue her. Well, if you don't waste all that time pounding on the walls verses just going to the basement, that is.
17. You will only be reminded it's 1971 becauseone character says "groovy" and The Brady Bunch is on TV.
18. Oh, and in the seventies, only the rich could afford flashlights. The rest had to settle withmatches.
19. Demonbuster Lorraine's mother questions her daughter's suspicion that her child might not be alright. Has this mother been in the dark this whole time to what her daughter does for a living? Or even her "special gift?" Have the mother and daughter met?
20. Fear not! This apparently blind demon, who can pass through walls, knock things over, pull sleeping children out of sleep, lead kids astray, possess people, reveal itself when the plot requires it to and turn the Narnia Wardrobe into a nasty place, actually needs to be told where her target victim is hiding. In her own home.
21. One of the daughters is dragged across the room by her hair, is saved by scissors and yeteveryone retreats to their rooms to have a good night sleep before finally deciding to leave the property in the morning, several hours later?
22. It was nice to see Chucky's Seed return to theatres.
23. Suggestion #1: So they "can't move out because they'll follow you?" Huh. Well, then, let them follow you into a one room studio apartment with easier opportunities to catch the bastards.
24. Suggestion #2: So they "can't move." Fine. Forget privacy and take all the doors off. Actually, why do any of these characters have doors when the entities seem to love locking people away from their loved ones?
25. It's pretty convenient that the tape recorder went silent during the family's "story" of the demon/ghost's activities. Lemme guess: the video tapes also went blank and I suppose I just need to take your word on these "truthful" hauntings?
26. At very least, it wasn't found footage. But, then again, these movies will make a ton of money anyways due to the seemingly never-ending need for horror-lovers to see the same thing over and over and over. I mean, do you really think this was an
27. original movie? You judge: New family moves into a haunted house cliché. Demon taking a very long time to get stronger, cause havoc and possess someone cliché. Toy ball used as demon plaything cliché. Nearby Demonbuster team and they're available on the spur of the moment cliché. Can't move out of the house because they put all their money into it cliché. Setting up cameras throughout the haunted house to document the entity cliché. Wacky secondary Demonbuster team cliché. "It must've been a draft" when a door closes on its own cliché. Door opening, scaring people and turns out to be the comic relief character cliché. Ghost wearing a white sheet cliché. Birds attacking haunted house cliché. Expert savior of the day not close, inexperienced hero steps up cliché. Peaceful music at the end cliché. Box office gold for the constant remake cliché.