Genericisim, Played-Out Supernatural Stereotypes, And A Waste Of A Film Reel.

Rating: 1/10 (27 July 2013)

Like much and more of modern Horror, The Conjuring first arrived on a wave of flashy advertising, gleaming critic's reviews and a swarm of gore- junkie theater-goers prematurely high off the cheap jump-scares and flash- terror to come. That being said, sitting down for two hours of pastel, thirty-year-old clichés pounding down on the crowd in a relentless tirade was like watching Amityville Horror be dressed up in sunglasses and a t- shirt and animated Weekend-At-Bernie's-style. Perhaps there was a few laughs squeezed out--Officer Brett was a charmer--but other than that, there was just about as much emotions cultivated in the viewers by Conjuring as there would be in a pile of rocks at a Taylor Swift concert. Perhaps even more disconcerting--yes, even more than Conjuring's main spook, who just looked like my Aunt Suzy after a night of drinking--is that this website, amongst others, have given it not one, not two, but eight, nine, even ten star reviews. I wonder if anyone is getting paid to give these ratings, and if so, please contact me with how to get in on it.