Nice Lion... Shame About The Dreadful Children

Rating: Null/10 (25 April 2006)

The Chronicles of Narnia is the best advertisement yet for birth control. Lucy, Edmund, Peter and Susan are perhaps the most annoying child characters in the history of cinema. All the Pevensie clan seem capable of doing in the first half of the film is to bitch, moan and bicker. The director doesn't help by insisting on repeated close-ups of their sullen faces. I wonder if Andrew Adamson made them drink lemon juice between takes in order to obtain those grim facial expressions. Someone should have called that damned Super Nanny to sort them out.
As unappealing as the children are, they can not be blamed entirely for the film's lack of excitement, imagination and heart. Make no mistake that this is nothing more than a poor man's "Lord of the Rings". CS Lewis' classic novel deserved far better than this lazy adaptation. I am one of the few people on earth who finds Peter Jackson's trilogy trite and boring. Nevertheless, it is hard to deny that those films (well at least the first one) had a sense of grandeur and majesty. These are qualities that are sorely missing in Narnia. The set design feels one dimensional and the use of blue/green screen technology is painfully obvious. Worst of all, the story feels rushed and forced. The sense of wonder that permeates each page of Lewis' book is nowhere to be seen here. A couple of poorly rendered CGI unicorns just don't cut it. Even the much hyped final battle scene looks like Peter Jackson's leftover footage from "The Two Towers".
The film does have good moments, they are just sadly infrequent. The film's greatest asset is Tilda Swinton's fantastic portrayal of the white witch. The Chronicles of Narnia picks up noticeably every time Tilda graces the screen. Her interpretation of the white witch is wonderfully evil without ever becoming a parody. A lesser actress would not have shown such restraint. It says a lot about a film, when one of the best performances comes from a computer generated lion. Aslan is a magnificent creation. If only the animators had been so meticulous with the cheap looking beavers and eagles. James McAvoy's turn as Mr Tumnus also deserves praise. His character's impact far exceeds his screen time.
It speaks volumes for our empty society that this film has been interpreted by some as having religious value. CS Lewis' book was a well concealed biblical allegory. This is just a tawdry attempt to cash in on the success of the "Lord of the Rings" at the expense of a literary classic. If you are looking for enlightenment hire "The Last Temptation of Christ" or even (I can't believe I'm writing this) "The Passion of the Christ". Those films might be as much fun as a car crash, but at least they were made with a more noble intention than to simply create a new movie franchise.