I'm getting too old for that...

Rating: 4/10 (17 December 2005)

OK, so i've sat through the movie. And the end credits. I was definitely impressed by the work that went into the effects, the sets, the animation, etc. etc.
Other than that, i'm feeling rather empty after two hours and twenty minutes. It seems like the film doesn't really know what to do with the story. Sure, we have that battle at the end. Sure, some of the creatures (and their movements) are really impressive. Would you just look at that incredible fur animation? Woah. And we see a lot of people (and animals) fight each other, because, well, it's good vs. evil, and of course, it's a long hard fight, and good wins because it's able to hit evil where it hurts, etc. etc. but in the end, i really didn't care for any of the characters, no matter how often the camera returns to the dramatic face close-ups of kids staring into the lens with possibly important meaning. The more the SFX become believable (talking animals, fantasy creatures etc.), the less believable the whole world they're supposed to create becomes. Narnia (in the movie) is the most detached environment possible: on one hand, all the weapons look like they're going to really, *really* hurt if applied, on the other hand, they must have non-sticky coating or all these creatures are just filled with straw... at least for me, the realistic violence and its obvious non-consequential nature in the movie just don't mix. Give me the cheap background projections, the wires, the unbelievable boss-fighting move or stop-motion trick, any kind of honest fake that says "hey, we're telling you an original story, so just imagine/believe us that this isn't the cardboard the leading character's wig came in, but imagine it IS the shrine of the sword of weird-sounding-name" over that polished fake of this Disney Narnia any time...
The whole film conjures so many other memorable moments in film history that it was more like a two-and-a-half hour collection of "whoa, just like Lord of the Rings" or "my, doesn't she just look like Andersen's Snow Queen? Just not really that evil..." or, worst, "yeah, who didn't see that coming from a mile away / now who wrote that dialog?"
If it's supposed to be a kid's movie, then it's far too "pseudoreal" in its scenes of violence - and for grown-ups it's even less real, it's utterly fake. Aslan biting the evil queen's head off (off-screen, we're doing family-friendly Christmas entertainment after all...) and then turning around without even a single stain? I know cats are cleanly, but c'mon... on the other hand, maybe witches don't bleed. Don't know, don't really care, too... though she had some nice swordplay a few scenes earlier, i'll give her that. Now *that* was really cool... :)
And seeing analogies to the bible in this film, in my opinion, tells more about yourself than it does of the story. Feel free to disagree with me, but remember that in about every other fantasy novel, someone's back from the dead on a regular basis. Mighty popular these days, keeping the leading character around because he/she/it knows how to have the local magic/technology/midichlorians at hand... but, sorry to break this to you, that does not make them Jesus, or a symbol for him. Could as well be Atréju of the Neverending Story, or Gandalf the Grey/White, etc. etc.
Oh well, i'll catch the other parts on cable TV some year or other just for the awesome scenery and CGI animation, but this won't lure me into the cinema come next Christmas...
P.S.: No, i've not yet read the book, and after that film, i doubt that i will...