Corny, pretentious, boring and stupid

Rating: 1/10 (12 January 2006)

I went to see this movie with some friends of mine and we had quite a debate was it just us having too big expectations, or the movie was really that bad:
The first hour you watch kids jumping in and out a closet and making a 5 meters walk in the woods, waiting for something to happen. Then an episode with an awfully casted Faun and a heavily over-polite British chit-chat over a cup of tea hogs the next 15 minutes, making a feeling inside a viewer that something really cheesy and boring is about to be happening the rest of the time. And the feeling is right -- lame references to Christianity, forced references to various mythologies with a menagerie of poorly animated and incoherent CGI characters that look like gathered from every fairy tale, myth, horror movie and Disney cartoon ever made... Then Father Christmas comes out of the blue riding a sleigh and arming the kids up to their teeth, turning them instantly from toddlers to warriors just by giving them 50 pounds of steel! All of that is garnished by a complete lack of imagination and creativity (a beaver called Mr. Beaver -- give me a break!!!), generic directing, pathetic music, corny landscapes and poor acting. The result is a killing boredom with a total lack of interest in the characters or that Narnia place where Turkish delights are a national treat (how the hell do they now for Turkey?!?).
The only highlight is the appearance (I deliberately don't say "performance") of Tilda Swinton. She is so weird that she just doesn't have to do anything special to look creepy. And still, it was all so corny! Little Georgie Henley (Lucy) is perhaps about to be going places too, but with some other movies.
To me there was nothing "heart-warming" in this movie, nothing "moving" (except for my bowl, however) and absolutely nothing worth seeing. Just 140 minutes that made me more aware of the fact how difficult is to make a decent movie, even if you have a good template and loads of money. I wonder where all that money went to!
P.S. Any comparison with LOTR is an utter blasphemy! I don't want to see this movie or any of its sequels EVER again!