An Honest Review

Rating: 1/10 (12 March 2017)

Do I have to do the "I'm a Christian" disclaimer to review this title, good or bad? Do the weird Calvinists that have usurped the title even consider an Irish-Catholic like me "Christian" these days? Inquiring minds want to know...so does the Weekly World News.
So anyways I'm a "Christian" and forget about it, really not going anywhere else with that...but it seems you have to mention what church you were raised in...if any...to review this.
That being said...watch the cartoon.
Like the books, the cartoon I loved when I was little. And, unlike the book, the cartoon has aged well into my adult years. It sort of has the Secret of Nimh quality.
The movie lacks it and one reviewer pointed out a lack of rhythm. I couldn't really put my finger on the distaste I held for the movie until I read those words "lack of rhythm." The cast does a decent enough job. Anna Popplewell and Skandar Keynes are certainly highlights and you can't really find one performance that is vile.
And I've never cared that much about the special effects. I mean, I was a little kid in the 80s, utterly nasty special effects are fine with me until it gets to look too computer. I'd rather see the strings.
So the whole acting and effects things, they aren't bad.
But the rhythm, the pacing, it's just horrible. It feels rushed and prolonged and there is really no fluidity to it. There is no clear Act I, II, and III.
It's not a roller coaster with ups and downs...instead it's just a stream of consciousness, trying to tell a familiar story with really no idea of how to tell a story for dramatic effect.
It makes it a horrible thing to watch.
It's a good film, but one that was put together by the boss you always get stuck with, that thinks he's funny, but really doesn't know how to tell a joke. Watching the movie feels like you are working with him for a week and have no co-worker to use as a buffer zone when he goes "on a roll"