If you go down in the woods today

Rating: 6/10 (7 June 2012)

The concept is original but the screenplay fools you into believing you're seeing a remake. During a college break, Curt (Chris Hemsworth), who has practically halved since 'Thor', invites four of his pals to his cousin's cabin for some R&R. They declare the cabin to be 'beautiful'. The audience disagrees. We've seen Sam Raimi's 'Evil Dead' films. No sooner have they settled in, do strange things occur; things which would make rational people hysterical, but simply make these folk ask the searching question, 'What was that?'
Here's the interesting bit: they're being watched. Not by zombies or other nightmarish creatures (although these do appear), but by ordinary people. It's their job. Think of it as a warped variation of 'The Truman Show'. I'll call them the Atrocity Bureau because that's a good name for them.
The AB control everything within a several-mile radius of the cabin: the climate, geography, amount of pheromones in the air, undead – everything. The AB watch Curt and co. and then have them killed – by zombies, giant bats and snakes, and a whole manner of other nasties, most of which have been invented for this film. As they've become sanitised to their bestial business, they take bets on who'll die first. Why do they do this? Because it makes the Gods happy, that's why.
The Gods were deities who once ruled Earth. They have this modus vivendi with humans which says that they'll remain dormant if the AB, Earth's oldest institution, every once in a while offer them a ritualistic sacrifice: human blood. Sounds like a great deal, if you ask me.
The dark humour doesn't work; a straight horror might have been more effective. It's a stalwart first effort by first-time director Drew Goddard, though the tone of his TV associations ('Buffy the Vampire Slayer', 'Alias') is inherent throughout. 'Cabin' is TV-grade horror, which means it's horror without the roar.
An excellent detail was to make the AB multinational. For once it's not just an American phenomenon. The East/West political subtext adds an interesting dimension. The main rivals are the Japanese, whose 'contestants' outsmart their AB. Instead of succumbing to individualism, they use solidarity as their weapon.
I know you shouldn't judge a horror film by its discrepancies, but as no one is here to correct me, let me ask: Why would the Gods, i.e. omniscient, omnipotent beings entertain this unlikely arrangement? Are they Greek? It's preposterous, but that's not to say it isn't entertaining. It's entertaining alright; just full of absurdities and rather flimsy at the finale.
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