A 4 star Groaner

Rating: 1/10 (22 April 2012)

This got such uniform good reviews, I knew I had to see it fast, before the buzz turned it into an over-hyped beast. No such luck. It IS an over-hyped beast. I should have known better. All the reviews I skimmed suggested a boffo trick ending or reveal... and I hate those movies. The script is not clever. If I had walked out as I was inclined in the middle of the tiresome set-up, I'd have missed nothing.
The plot of this stinker involves slowly disclosing several nested narrative devices, and invokes higher and higher scales of society, until you know the ending will just HAVE to be the piece of full-scale idiocy that they came up with. But the writers offer not not a peep of explanation for why the sacrifice has to take the form of a clichéd, glacially slow, horror movie; which makes the movie convoluted, and the entire premise quite costly. Couldn't you just kill the 5 types in their homes, or better still in a way that introduce a new type of horror movie? But no, the writers paint themselves into a corner, thinking (as TV talent does) that sensation is even better than thought, and will save this overextended premise in the end. There has never been a movie that builds to a CGI monster that is worth a damn. The movie got some kudos for its references to previous movies (The Shining, Alien 3, The Ring), but it's also so dumb it just lazily rips most of them off: The Truman Show, And then there were None, Army of Darkness, Halloween 3, Cube, 13 ghosts, Rosemary's Baby, Hellraiser, etc. No matter how you mash 20 old movies together, it will not produce "new.
The movie poster (a house exterior turned into a rubik's cube) rips off the poster for Deathtrap; another bit of drivel - with a terrible, terrible twist ending - that received scads of undeserved rave reviews.
If you've exhausted yourself today sitting at home watching vapid TV, and you need a break, Cabin in the Woods will take your tired thoughtless mind even dumber places. But there is zero purpose in seeing it. This movie will be forgotten in 5 years (see also: Identity).