Y'all want blood? Okay then.,..

Rating: Null/10 (21 April 2012)

Having now seen this twice, I'm more glad than ever that I've always been a devotee of Joss Whedon and his twisted view of the world (or, if one factors in "Firefly"/"Serenity," the universe). Remember that phrase coined by Hannah Arendt, "the banality of evil"? That's what Whedon has always illustrated: evil needs functionaries, usually "regular guys" who show up to work and go about their business pretty much as anyone else would. They can always rationalize what they do for a living. Whether it was the law firm Wolfram and Hart in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"/"Angel," the Alliance, the Rossum Corporation in "Dollhouse," or now this organization simulating horror movies, these people are very recognizable. They're probably good neighbors and show up at PTA meetings...
As everyone must know by now, the set-up is classic scream fest: five college types pile into a recreational vehicle and head for a cabin in the middle of nowhere for some (presumably) frisky business. What they don't know, but we do (in fact they follow the corporate types on-screen) is that they're being led into a high-tech trap. This lets Whedon and his co-writer (and director) Drew Goddard have their cake and eat it too: the five are stock types (albeit as well written as one would expect from these guys) but their constant monitoring by the underground "techies" conveys that that's why they were chosen. (Presumably ALL stereotyped characters were inspired by SOMEONE who really existed. Wisconsin's own local yokel Ed Gein would have been amazed how many stories have him behind their tenuous claim to verisimilitude.) Once they get to the cabin, their predictably suicidal behavior is explained by various chemicals the techies have wafting around. At one point a trap door in the floor snaps open for no reason; "Must have been the wind," someone predictably suggests. "And that makes sense how?" responds the substance-abusing type, whose pot use apparently makes him immune to the various chemicals. It would have been funny if all of them had simply shrugged and walked away from the trap door without bothering to explore the cellar, with the techies screaming profanities in frustration, but by then---another insidious victory by Whedon and Goddard---we're pretty much seeing the characters as the techies see them. The cellar of course is full of props, the manipulation of one of which will trigger the arrival of one of a set of stock horror monsters, thus the victims have unwittingly chosen their own demise. Things play out more or less by the book, although one of them meets a rather novel end apparently borrowed from "The Thirteenth Floor." There's a beautifully wicked sequence where the "good girl" victim barely survives and gets a moving tribute to her spunk from one of the techies (Bradley Whitford from "West Wing") but the tribute stops dead when some colleagues arrive with tequila, then all the employees party hearty while her ongoing victimization is ignored on the monitor screen. But here's where I need to indulge in a paragraph break...
I wanted a new paragraph because the best part of "Cabin in the Woods" happens AFTER all this, and if you haven't seen it yet and may still want to, this part really should come as something of a surprise; on your second viewing you'll enjoy it even more (as I did). So if you're still with me: the "good girl" and the "Fool" escape into the gleaming bowels of the stronghold and discover that all the various monstrosities are readily available for use at the flip of a switch...Whedon and Goddard deserve to go to movie heaven if only for the one shot of a bunch of heavily armed security goons in the hallway; a split second later they're monster-chow. Y'all always wanted a scene with the walls, floor and ceiling frescoed with blood and body parts? Enjoy. Eventually all the employees get theirs with the same ruthlessness that they had visited upon the college types; I haven't been so happy to see so many people die violently since "The Island." Finally only "the Director" (a cameo part that others may enjoy more than I did) is left to explain everything; apparently some huge ancient creatures live way underground & will leave humanity alone if this company simulates horror movies for them. (I guess there are monitor screens down in the earth's core too.) At this point "Cabin" unfortunately gets a little goofy, but credit Whedon and Goddard for following through with their premise right to the end. What better way for the only two characters left to celebrate Armageddon than by sharing a final joint? (I'd prefer a beer, but never mind.) .... Fans of "Dollhouse" (such as myself) will enjoy the return of Fran Kranz and Amy Acker (the latter playing almost the same part) but I guess Harry Lennix was unavailable as the black security-guy-with-a-conscience (he's the only one who doesn't bet on which monster threat the kids will "choose") so they got someone else who's also pretty good. Tim De Zarn may have just guaranteed himself movie work for the rest of his life with his surly-last-chance-gas-station guy to end all such...If there's an Academy Award category for "Best Make Out Scene with a Stuffed Wolf's Head," Anna Hutchison should be a shoo-in for it...Wonder if retractable plastic bongs will now become a sought-after item...There's also a pretty good spoof of the "J-horror" genre with a bunch of little girls defeating the obligatory killer ghost, to be rewarded with a snarling series of "F--- you"s from Bradley Whitford's partner, played by the sinisterly taciturn Richard Jenkins... I'd be thrilled to learn that the scene with the jock character getting the idea for the bad tactical move inserted into his brain was inspired by a similar scene in "Time Bandits," hands down the funniest and most subversive English movie about dwarfs ever made....