The worst movie in existence. Do not watch!

Rating: 1/10 (12 March 2015)

Cabin In The Woods is, no doubt in my mind, the absolute worst film ever created. I saw it listed as a top horror movie or whatever on Netflix. If that isn't the biggest insult to the genre there is, then I don't know what could possibly be worse. It was such a disgrace, and I felt so betrayed by Netflix, that I have not used its services since. I was that angry. I feel like it was written as it was being filmed, and haven't the slightest clue what kind of person would throw away money by backing this ridiculous piece of crap. To whomever they paid off to defend this crappy movie, suddenly saying that it's a comedy or satire, just so you won't feel so embarrassed about how terribly stupid it is, is just as stupid as calling it a horror. It wasn't funny, it wasn't scary, not suspenseful, or thrilling, or good in any sense of the word. If you took all the deleted scenes from a series of half star films, and strung them together into a film of its own, it would still be better than Cabin In the Woods.
The plot(s) was/were poor, if there even is a/are plot(s), and not just a bunch of random bad ideas thrown together like scrabble chips at a wall. The characters were so unbelievably annoying, unrealistic, and poorly portrayed. I have to wonder if the actors had any prior experience in acting other than playing a tree in the first grade school play. Come to think of it, did anyone associated with this garbage have any experience that isn't bad, or do they all just do mad libs, and turn it into a movie? What was with all the boring monsters? Did they realize their movie sucked, and thought more monsters would make it better, or was someone incorporating their fear of Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase when all the masked villains go after them at the end? I have so many questions about this "movie," but I sincerely don't want to know the "answers," as they are probably all bs anyway.
If somebody paid me to watch this, I would've walked out and demanded they get a refund. I watched it free, and wanted a refund of the time and energy I wasted watching it. If you thought for a second that this was horror while watching it, then I am positive that you're either the kind of person that only watches Hallmark Channel movies, or you only go to see G rated movies, and cry before the previews are even over because you're so sensitive. If you thought it was funny, then I would suspect that you are entertained by even the most mundane things. This was not entertainment. This was cruel and unusual punishment, and I would not wish it on the most disgusting human being alive. The only recommendations I can give concerning it, is the recommendation that all copies of it be destroyed, no one speak of it again, and everyone associated with its creation be banned from the entertainment industry. I cannot stress enough just how much this film angers me, how much I hate it, and how regretful I am that I was exposed to it.
I give this film no stars. It is undeserving of the chance to earn any stars. I'm only giving it one star on this site because that is the lowest option available, and no, it doesn't even deserve a gold star because it tried. It didn't try, at all.
Lastly, IMDb, the ratings I see here are ridiculous. If anything, it discredits you. If such trash can receive a high rating here, what other filth is being passed off as good?