The Retarded Cabin in the (so called) woods!

Rating: 1/10 (21 August 2012)

This brain dead film scored 7.6 in user IMDb ratings and, believe it or not, 90% in critic ratings (RT)... 90%, yes, Really!!!
We have a movie that troughs in the blender some of the most iconic horror images and scenarios and presents it all as NEW, Refreshing and "Black Comedy".. In order to pull something like that off you must first know what material you are using, 2nd you must Respect the material and 3rd you must have some talent... These guys have none of the above!
!!!Spoilers Follow!!!
The "movie" starts as an Evil Dead rip-off, then continues to incorporate a "Truman Show" element (far too early to have any impact..), then it decides to through in some zombies and later on all kinds of crap to "make it stick..". The most idiotic and completely stupid fact is the whole "show" thing that has been going on (for ages). A show that goes on worldwide and nobody sees! Except perhaps for the overseers themselves.
Around the world sacrifices are being made for some OLD ONES (here comes Cthulhu) but not as any intelligent person would choose to (get them, kill them and use their blood..) but through a parody where these individuals are lured into a so called cabin where they choose which monster or atrocity will kill them.! Because Cthulhu doesn't want a simple sacrifice but to see them suffer (and they can only suffer in the hands of zombies, ghosts, werewolves and other creatures that are conveniently tucked away in a nearby storage area). And these monster are REAL, not some androids made to look like them but the real deal.. mmm OK.
Then comes the CUBE element, where all these are stored and operated in a cube like structure inside glass cages (and we all know how easy it is to store ghosts and other spirits inside an elevator).We also have the girl from Silent Hill, and a dude that refers to Pinhead. And yes they even have a Cracken inside one of these 2m x 2m champers!! .ok
And then comes the crown jewel! The sacrifice chamber where they need a "HO", an "athlete" , a "scholar", a "jester" and a "Virgin" (who has been screwing with her professor as we first learn in the movie..) to appease Cthulhu!
One question for the enlightened minds that wrote this crap, and the critics that praised it, which one of the elementary school Japanese girls (from the Tokyo show) is the "Ho" and which is the "scholar"???
90% approval by official critics Lameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee