Another Addition to the Summer of Bad Trilogies

Rating: 1/10 (3 August 2007)

To begin, I want you all to know that I was excited to see this movie. I loved the first two Bourne movies and thought they got better as the stories carried on. With that said I would like to inform you that the third movie is about Jason Bourne, I know this is surprising but really guys. It is. "This is Jason Bourne." When sitting through the first half hour of this movie, I wouldn't be shocked if I heard that line repeated 20+ times. Holy redundancy! Okay. We get it. Jason Bourne is one guy you don't want to mess with. He shouldn't be chased or thought about unless you want your brain to spontaneously combust.
After the brilliantly creative writing in the first half hour, comes Paul Greengrass' idea to recreate the hand-held camera-work that makes it seem like you are in the middle of the action, as in the Bourne Supremacy, which I liked. Although, this time Greengrass put on his silly glasses and drank a 40 of whiskey then storyboarded all the shots for the movie or maybe Greengrass just told the camera operators to do the Riverdance while shooting the scenes. It's hard to tell what he was thinking but this lasts throughout the movie and becomes very sickening. Most of the time I felt like I couldn't even see what was happening on the screen.
Once I grabbed my doggy bag from the concessions area, I noticed the 3rd worst part of the movie. That is when Pamela Landy and Noah duke it out in the most annoying feud of people on the same team ever. If you want to watch two eight-year-old Nazis bicker with each other about toys or Jason Bourne, then enjoy. In case you forgot, Julia Stiles has a role in this movie. Wait. Not really. She starts to have a role in the movie and then her agent must have called her to start shooting for The Omen 2. I forgot how she is so busy with all the parts she has been taking lately and how it's good to have completely meaningless characters in movies. If you liked the resourcefulness of Bourne in the first 2 movies, you can throw that in the dumpster with this movie. A few examples are when he is riding a dirt bike away from the police, hits a curb with his front tire and the bike jumps onto a ledge five feet in the air or when he is playing bumper cars with a police car in rush hour traffic, then gets the car flipped onto a median that came from who knows where. While going probably 70+ mph and still sliding on the median, he grabs onto the seat belt holding onto dear life and ends up walking out of the crash with a few minor flesh wounds.
So in summary the movie is kind of like this: Good? Who could tell? It's like watching French fries crackle along with a spew of hot bubbles in the back of a McDonald's. Do the actors act? Again, you got me. Does it make sense? Ask the scriptwriters, they'd probably know. Does it give you a headache? Hmm, about the size of Rose O'Donnell's waist line. The Bourne Ultimatum is the Blair Witch Project meets Speed meets Matrix Revolutions meets the dumbest CIA and NSA agents ever. Truthfully, I would rather eat a bowl of steaming crap while watching Home Alone 3 and Super Mario Brothers at the same time.