A horrible theater experience

Rating: Null/10 (28 August 2004)

This movie made me sick. Literally!!!! A shaky camera, too rapid pans, and abrupt cut-aways made this the most annoying movie I have ever seen (but that's probably only because I have not yet seen Fahrenheit 9/11). From the first scene I noticed something was dreadfully wrong. "That poor cameraman is having to shoot this movie while having a persistent little dog try to pee on his leg," I thought. "Aren't there members of the crew to prevent that sort of thing from happening?" Apparently not.
And so for what seemed like an eternity (but was actually less than two hours) I tried to endure the rising tide of nausea while at the same time fighting back the urge to shout out, "HOLD THE DAMNED CAMERA STILL!!!!" Occasionally a steady shot and some relief. But the exhilaration of finally being able to focus was short-lived, and the little dog was back.
My daughter had warned me. She said, "Dad, you won't like it. The camera jerks around a lot and you'll get sick." How bad could it really be? I can handle it, I thought. Yeah, right! Think hard, Tim. Who was it that got woozy during the scene in Twister when the trucks were racing down country roads to intercept a tornado (but that was just because we were sitting too close to the screen)? And who was it that got sick on his first date with my wife when we rode the Tilt-a-Whirl at the county fair? And several years ago, when my sister sent a video tour of her new home in Phoenix, who was it that was washed in nausea before she even got out of the living room (you were way ahead of your time, Sis, with those cinematic effects)?
I should have listened to my daughter for once. It was worse than I could have imagined simply because I could never imagine a director or cinematographer purposely choosing to ruin a movie like this. I spent the last thirty minutes of the movie with my eyes closed, afraid even to peak a little at what I supposed was a spectacular chase seen. But I couldn't take a chance. The bathrooms were much too far away.
Finally, though it ended. I stumbled out the theater. The entire movie experience was a disaster. The only thing capable of salvaging it at that moment was if the director, editor and cinematographer had been waiting at the exit and I would have been able to puke on their shoes.