The Bourne Identity - A Cave Man Does it Better - Got Geico Car Insurance?

Rating: 1/10 (31 January 2007)

This contemporary CIA film was something like the French version of Pirates of the Caribbean. In the end, our protagonist, Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) really only wants some high adrenaline, the girl, and some gold and silver.
But before he hits the jackpot, we've got to rock out with this curious George. He really does monkey climb his way toward self-identity. Spiderman he is not, but he does hang from high places, reverse rock climb on the side of a building, though more like a tree frog than a monkey. That's o.k. It looked very scary. He's not really a frog. Trying to shake off amnesia from his enemy captors aboard a stormy ship off the coast of France, he makes land successfully. For a $20,000 payoff to a frustrated single girl named Marie, she quickly becomes his ally, his x for thrills and chills. Meanwhile, he retrieves a lock-box of his essentials, numerous passports, one by the name of Kane, that leads him to a luxurious Paris flat. From authorities, he learns that Kane is declared dead from a transportation accident. In the newspaper, Jason reads that he is an assassin. Marie and Jason return to the road, arriving at Eamon's quaint countryside home, along with his two small children. Who is Eamon? Marie's brother, lover, ex-husband? The superficial contrast between idyllic pastoral life and gun toting sniper chases only sours our identity for Bourne. His untimely home invasion, at Christmas, to Eamon's is simply an annoying artifice. He looks more bumbling than Bourne all through out this film. And that is being nice. I could say that he looks like one of the witch's evil monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. Is he an ant bully or just simply a pirate in search of his booty? CIA Director, Alexander Conklin (Chris Cooper) is like the Witch's chief monkey ready to pole dance at Bada Bing's. (Shrug) Maybe that is really the better gig Chris? At monkey command central, Conklin going ape over his astray monkey, Jason finally captures the bugger. Conklin's assistant, Nicky (Julia Stiles) has placed her drive thru order: one chicken patty, extra-make-up, pickle, onion, hold the lettuce and the tomato, fries and a carton of milk. And like Dr. Evil, Conklin (finger to chin) reminds Jason, that Jason is really a $30 million dollar super spy for the CIA, whose been making way too many mistakes. Bourne can't stand pressures from chief monkey Conklin, goes ape and breaks away, yet again a free monkey 'at last.' Still Bourne is chased, by what alliance, we're just not sure anymore. But we do know that Bourne is running for his life, not his death. Where in the wheel does he land this time? Another quaint scene, in a tropical café situated on a beautiful scenic blue-skied European coast, where Marie now conveniently resides. Uhh Ohh! Are you thinking what I am thinking? It's the Bourne pastoral tip-off! Is he going to tell Marie that she's run from danger, flee the café, jump off the cliff into the ocean, or instruct her to immediately head to the basement, if there is one? He's in her arms, but for how long? Who is Jason Bourne? A reverse rock climbing evil monkey? A thorn in some lion's side? Or is he a teddy bear dressed in a Nic Cage snakeskin bomber jacket, or a leprechaun smoking a cute little brown pipe? The more interesting question might be whose world is more entertaining  Wayne's World or Bourne's World? The film is directed by Doug Liman, but be forewarned  this film is closely aligned to how Jerry Bruckheimer does gay Paris.