An all round terrible film

Rating: 1/10 (25 April 2005)

I truly believe that this is the worst mid- to high-budget film I've ever seen. I don't want to insult the author of the books, for the sequel was quite enjoyable, but this film was indescribably bad - in fact, I feel that in all future DVD releases of the trilogy it should be ruthlessly cut down into a 10 minute introduction to the second installation.
Where to start? The plot. There is no plot. Other than the tired old premise of someone important losing their memory and turning against their former companions, which isn't really properly explored. The ending leaves much to be desired, such as an ending other than one you might write at 3 AM to meet a deadline.
Since the film was produced for an American audience, it would be unfair and stupid to complain that all of the French people were speaking English. I'm willing to accept that we're watching a magic translation of some kind, but not when they dip in and out of French, making it clear that they are supposed to be speaking largely English. Why were all the American agents large Englishmen with Yorkshire accents? Why were all the assassins incompetent, firing 6 shots when 1 would have been enough to kill the target? This film had no moral message. The main character, it is painfully obvious from the start, is a trained killer. His enemies are trained killers. The romance felt like it had been written by Edward Bellamy. Nothing was satisfactorily resolved (in fact, in the second film there are several references to scenes I assume were edited out of the first).
The Bourne Identity? More like the Burned Indelibly. Onto my brain. Because it was so bad.