I gave it a second chance...Yup, I hate it

Rating: Null/10 (27 October 1999)

Straight out of the Valencia Community College film lab, it's the most famous home movie not featuring Pamela Anderson. I know I don't need to explain the details of The Blair Witch Project, so I will instead focus upon the polarized opinions about it. I did not like this movie at all, but the wide variance in thoughts about it led me to give it a second chance on my home theater system. The few redeeming qualities I forced myself to find were not nearly enough to compensate for the poor overall experience this movie delivers. I will explain the reasons why I do not like it, but I first must comment on what a lot of the positive comments about Blair Witch have been mentioning. Every person is entitled to an opinion, even if that opinion is grossly uninformed and illogical. We all know this. But DO NOT tell me why I don't like this movie. The basic premise of defending The Blair Witch Project is, "The only reason you don't like this movie is because there aren't any ILM FX, or blood and gore, or big scary monsters in state-of-the-art rubber suits." There are a lot of people who don't care about those elements in a film that still did not like this particular movie. And, please, don't tell me this is cutting-edge material. If that were true, I would pull out some of the movies we made as kids out of the closet and advertise them as "breakthrough filmmaking". We ran around in the woods with a camcorder...could the right advertising make us millionaires too? Anyway... The main reason I disliked this movie (disregarding the obvious personal economic waste it created) was the horrid acting. You won't be seeing any of these actors on "Whose Line Is It, Anyway?" anytime soon, unless that show changes it format to screaming and cussing ad nauseum. The motivations behind the character actions were highly questionable at best, which easily transitions into bad dialogue. The movie creates no sympathy for the plight of these whiny, arrogant, silly college students. I was hoping for the visceral thrill of having the Blair Witch appear and stick a bunch of rocks in their mouths, but, alas, no such luck. Sticks and stones...now that I think about, I have solved the mystery of the Blair Witch, right here, sitting on my butt in front of the computer 2000 miles away from Maryland. Sticks tied together. Piles of rocks. Little handprints all over the walls of a house. Middle of the woods. The Blair Witch is (drum roll): Boy Scout Troop 529. You heard it here first.