Not a movie

Rating: 2/10 (2 June 2000)

What kind of movie-goer am I? I'll tell you. I go to the bargain matinee. Saturday Night Live better do a sketch about this movie. It's already reached cult status.
Anyway, I'm the kind of movie-goer who decides, in that moment when getting up out of my seat at the end, after watching for the ENTIRE 82 minutes, whether or not I got my money's worth.
I had visited the movie's official web site beforehand. I even heard word-of-mouth about the flick from people who had seen the Sci-Fi Channel's coverage on it. I knew it wasn't true. I knew that this movie created a buzz at Sundance, and in movie circles in print and online. I realize that these neophyte film makers wanted to produce a successful movie. I don't know if they actually think this work is any more than performance art, or if they think it's a milestone in cinematic expression. By any standards, one that puts the asses in the seats to the tune of over $36M in less than a week of its nationwide release, especially when it cost only $25K or $60K to make, (depending on what article is correct) qualifies it as a HUGE success. I only wish that it had been a better movie. I can't help but feel I've been taken by the gimmick. The hype is rarely ever matched by the product, is it? It wasn't supposed to be a real movie was it? Just "documentary footage" that was found and put together. That would cover a multitude of cinematic sins, wouldn't it? Doesn't hurt to cover your bases, does it? It could even be bad, huh?
Ingenious as it is, the marketing of this production-on-a-shoestring delivers a first effort that left me unsatisfied. I agree that there were a few great moments that were genuinely creepy, but they were separated by far too much tedious repetition included for the sake of "realism." The fighting, yelling, and screaming at each other came quite quickly, it seems, for a movie that went so slowly. After only a couple days in the woods they mentally "fell apart." The "improvised acting" suffered a bit there. The things that went bump in the night promised something more that never came. The distant unknown sounds and voices were as scary as it got, and could have led to something else, but never really did, beyond the blurry images inside the house, maybe. The ending was actually a relief. It finally put an end to the crying, the yelling, the shaking camera, and the almost endless asking, "What was that??!!!" We never do find out, and have to figure it must've been the wicked witch of Blair. It WAS something. Right? I have to laugh at the people who say they're the only one who "got" the movie. Many people are reading things into this movie's ending, but if it makes you feel better...
You can discuss whether or not the actors are hotties, thanks to the previous "Scream" and "...Last Summer" movies, and talk about the ticket sales and statistics, but why not talk about what makes some movies really good, others really great, and some a waste of time. I can't say this one was a waste. You should see what the fuss and hype is all about, but don't expect a classic. There are people risking fortunes every day who think they know what would make a good movie. These particular guys accomplished something imaginative that will certainly be imitated. They tried to scare us without using a big bank roll, special effects, gore, monster costumes, puppets, guns, explosions, or gratuitous nudity, sex and violence. That alone is a novel idea. They used sticks and stones and sounds and darkness. I consider that an extremely brave approach when you're aiming at the cynical, computer-literate, self-absorbed, seen-it-all, mostly 17-34 year old, MTV Generation movie audience member who just forked over $4.25 to $9.00 per person and said, "Okay, now scare me."
Hey, if I could make a better movie I would. I'm only speaking from an actor's perspective, and as a person who likes movies. They're the ones who had the guts to turn a few good ideas into millions at the box office, not me.
I'm the kind of movie-goer who is hopeful. Since Eduardo Sanchez and Daniel Myrick will have a bigger budget to work with on their next project, which they claim will be a wacky comedy, I hope that it will do a much better job at making me laugh than The Blair Witch Project did at scaring me. It would be nice to get my money's worth. I wonder if they need any more unknown actors...
Wait a minute... did you hear something? What was that???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!