So, was it scary? BLAIR-ly

Rating: Null/10 (15 September 2003)

Well, where to begin on this "movie." I remember plunking down my $7.00 to see this picture with expectations like I had never had. Everyone I had talked to who had seen it said that is had scared them sh**-less. I consider myself a true horror buff who has seen almost everything, even the stuff in the enormous 80s video cassette holders at the local rinky-dink video stores. So you can imagine my anticipation. If I wasn't going to wet myself from fright, I was sure to wet myself from excitement. Finally, I was able to see the movie that everyone was spitting cuds into my face about. For the most part, it started off original. Hey, a first person/handheld shot of what is going on in the movie. Okay, this is unique. Then the Legend of the Blair Witch seemed really cool. But as the movie dragged on (and I felt as if I might upchuck from motion sickness) it just really seemed like the Real World Goes Camping. There was arguing and confusion as our three students lost their way in the woods. Then they would get spooked at night by the sounds of children laughing and some left over sticks in the morning. Oooooo, I'm shaking already! Nothing scarier than children and bundled sticks. Then one of the students disappears from the others. The other two run out of their tent and scream "What the hell is that! What the hell is that!" Well, as the viewer, if I could even get a glimpse of "that" I might be able to tell you what is was. Perhaps it was an owl, or a tree frog. I don't know. What am I supposed to be scared of here? Finally, to my stomach's pleasing we come to the climax of the film, where our film students enter what appears to be The Blair Witch's shack. Finally, I'm thinking I'm going to see something, right? WRONG! Nothing. No shadow, nor glimpse of who the "Blair Witch" may be. We are left wondering, if there really was a Blair Witch, or if the missing student, Josh, was the "Blair Witch." Perhaps a clever little whodunnit, but not even close to scary. Not to mention, I prefer a score to my horror movies. It adds so much atmosphere (take Halloween for instance). I also prefer to see at least a glimpse of the killer or the evil or whatever it is that makes this a "horror" movie. Perhaps the two clowns who did this film couldn't afford to have a monster. Well, now they can after taking all of us suckers to the cleaners. And for all those nincompoops who thought that this movie was for real, the short bus will be around shortly to pick you up. Well, I hope this review shows you that this movie is a total waste of time, money, and anticipation for horror fans. What seemed like an original idea turned into a total sham? When I finish watching a horror movie, I want the fright to stay with me, such as when I go into the woods, I think Jason Vorhees, or if I go to a cemetery, I think Tall Man. When I think of Blair Witch, I think of...hmmm...what was I supposed to be scared of? The wind?