PEOPLE OVEREXAGERATE ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!

Rating: Null/10 (6 September 1999)

This movie is overhyped.
Clockwork Orange was overhyped. People said that was the grossest, most violent thing ever on screen. It had NOTHING. There was NOTHING violent, maybe just ONE scene or two, and it was mild. I got so mad after watching it!
Ok, this movie suffers the same fate, but triple. Quadruple, even.
I'm not saying the movie was bad or anything, it was just NOT SCARY!!!! Why do people have to say this was scariest movie of all time??? There was not ONE DAMN SCARY THING IN IT. Ok, there was one piece of something red, that you don't even know what it is. Looks like flesh. But whatever.
This movie is not scary.
Seven was a scary movie. It wasn't that scary.. but there were a couple scenes I'll never forget. The Pedophile who was tied to his bed for years, and who was still alive. A living skeleton. That scene scared the sh*t out of me (it didn't scare me... it surprised me... people confuse "scary" with "surprising". If someone sneaks up to you and yells in your ear... that's not scary. That's a "surprise". But people call that scary when that happens. That's so wrong.) Still though... I would lie awake at night and think about that guy. He ate his tongue to stay alive. He was a living skeleton. It disturbed me. And that was good. That's what a good movie should do.
The Blair Witch Project was a walk in the park. Nothing was scary at all. Go watch, I don't know... episode #.. um.. 212 of the simpsons. Or no... um, read a random page from the LA times. Whatever. The Blair Witch Project is no scarier.
Ok, the camera shaking. People say the camera shaked so much that people would VOMIT. WHAT THE HELL???? It didn't shake that much!!!! Hey I hope you guys who said that don't go sailing. You won't get seasick... you'll probably die.
Also, the camera was SUPPOSED to shake around a little. These guys were hiking through the woods with packs strapped onto their backs. Packs that were almost as big as they were!!!!
Also, don't complain that the movie "looked like a home movie". Jeesus christ, it IS a home movie!!! They used a handheld camera to film it! What do you expect? Con-Air?
But there's nothing scary. You never see what is chasing the 3 people. Rocks and sticks are left around them. But those aren't scary either. Screaming and yelling and crying and fighting and shaking and trembling... that's not scary to watch either. Hell I watch that every day in my dysfunctional family!
Here's where the genius is: Movies cost around 100 million dollars or so to make. Half of that just pays the movie stars. Then, say, 200 millions dollars to advertise in your face all day. Then the movie has to sell hopefully 700 million dollars over the course of its run, to make 4 hundred million dollars. Of course, then there's the whole crew and studio that got paid their salaries, and royalties, and paying back loans, and the big guys cash out with maybe a hundred million bucks. Ok, the Blair Witch takes $30,000 to make. But for some reason, idiots are SO scared by it, it's called the scariest movie of all time, they market it on the web for almost free, and it ends up making over a hundred million bucks. It made just as much or more than a full production film. That's genius. Congratulations Heather, Mike, and Josh. You guys fooled America and cashed out. Ain't this country beautiful??