Loved it--but no one can be this stupid.

Rating: Null/10 (9 September 1999)

You know the guy who keeps calling the girl's answering machine for six months and she never calls back. This same guy works for a company for twenty years and then complains about giving his life to the company and they never promoted him. This same guy is a dysfunctional, abusive, drunk of a dad and can't figure out why his son grew up and got strung out on crack. This is the same guy that fathers 5 different children by 3 different women and complains that the 'man' and his 'child support' system is out to get him. You met this guy. You have worked with this guy. You may have even worked for this guy. You must never forget this guy.
What about that girl who remains in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for decades and never leaves. The same girl gets involved with a married man, has his children and wonders why he won't leave his wife. This same woman wants to be taken seriously as a professional, but literally cries to her boss when she does not get her way. This same girl has 5 different children by 3 different men and complains to the children that their fathers 'ain't nothing'. You met this girl. You have worked with this girl. You may have even worked for this girl. You must never forget this girl.
These two people must remain solidly in your mind when you watch 'Blair Witch'. They will be your reference point for clinical stupidity. Never have I seen such idiocy, since the group reaction to the O.J. Verdict. I have to say that I enjoyed this movie. It was funny and I am calling it the 'feel good comedy of 1999'. It should have been called 'What happens to people who aren't quite smart enough to get on Springer'. Like Springer, you can not believe most things you see in this film. This is not a documentary, regardless of what you hear. From years of working in video, I can tell you that no one can get that much usable footage while hopelessly lost and starving in the woods. I have to give this documentary credit, it did achieve something that has not been seen in a while. It made a horror movie, without showing buckets of blood or even a monster. This was quite clever.
As a public service please remember the following when you are venturing to the great outdoors looking to film a witch, bigfoot or Pat Buchanan.
5. Carry a gun. Even though I am not a fan of the NRA, you are in the woods and the assault rifle is more feasible as a tool for taking down large game (i.e. Pat Buchanan, etc.) in this environment.
4. If you look around at your group and there are no Asian, Hispanic or African Americans in your party, this is a bad sign. Abandon the trip and rush home and try to catch that rerun of 'Friends' that you like so much.
3. When you wake up the first morning and notice a strange arrangement of stones, a bleeding tree, or a severed head on a stick that you swear wasn't there when you went to bed last night. Consider abandoning the trip.
2. If there were four of you when you went to sleep, and only three of you when you woke up, proceed immediately home. Don't waste your time searching for your 'lost' friend. He or she probably had something to do. When you get back home you can call their house and leave a message or something.
1. Consider the monster's feelings. They may be hiding from the mob, their ex-wife, their ex-husband, VISA, the IRS, the student loan people, or sixty minutes. Leave them alone. When they want to be found, they will be. If you do continue to pursue them and get mistaken for their pursuers , oh well, at least you got it on tape.