A triumph of hype and marketing

Rating: 1/10 (30 October 1999)

This was truly the worst film I've seen in a long, long time; and definitely the worst film I've ever seen in a cinema. "Spawn" had better acting. "Plan 9 from Outer Space" had better special effects. "Police Academy V" had more coherent direction. And "10,000 Years BC" had a better script. Perhaps I can excuse the lack of anything like a script, direction, acting, etc. that might qualify it as "a movie". After all, it was shot by amateurs who never dreamed it would get widespread cinema release, never mind this high a profile. What I can't excuse is the complete lack of entertainment value. Any good movie must have a good story to tell, with characters the audience cares about. "Blair Witch" has neither. There is no plot to spoil, and the three characters are equally whiny and annoying. There are also huge gaping holes in the plot, but I won't mention these now as they've been discussed to death in Usenet.
I wanted to walk out several times, but I just had to watch it til the end to see what all the fuss was about, and in case some miracle happens at the end to make it worthwhile. It didn't. It was pathetically naff. It was so bad I've seen better home movies about family holidays in Crete. I guess this film is the biggest testament to the power of media hype and guerilla marketing, and I respect that. But boy, did it stink. At the end of it all, some people in the theatre were furious. Some even demanded their money back from the box office, something unheard of in my experience!
Critics are raving about how this was made on only $50,000. My point of view is, what a waste of $50K. And I wonder what it was spent on? I agree with Chris Rock's verdict: I swear there's gotta be someone out there walking around with $49,500 dollars in his pocket. It was boring, pointless, irritating and a waste of time.
Despite this, if you are in any doubt about whether to go see this movie, I recommend that you DO. There is no other way to truly ascertain how awful this film really is, because you've read all the good reviews, and you've been exposed to the hype, therefore you wouldn't believe me now when I'm saying this film is terrible, in however many ways I put it. *I* wouldn't have believed me, if I hadn't seen it for myself. Given that I've just recommended it to you, despite my hating it, it should go to show just how it got its profits.
Some UK critics are hailing it as the scariest movie of all time. Comparisons to horror classics like "The Exorcist", "Alien", and "Jaws" are already being made. Please let them be kidding, I've seen scarier hamburgers. And they were far more entertaining to watch.