Should be "The Blair Retch Project" or...

Rating: 6/10 (29 April 2000)

...or maybe "Three Potty Mouths in a Thicket."
When I went to see this movie, I expected to be frightened out of my mind. Peter Travers, Rolling Stone's critic had called it "Scary as Hell," so I was expecting to see one of the best horror films in my life -- and believe me, I am an avid horror fan and know the difference between true low-budget HORROR with the low-budget pansy horror displayed here. The film contians three annoying-as-hell characters which will grate on your nerves for the entire movie. Indeed, most of what they do is not scary -- they just swear while screaming at the top of their lungs. If anything in those woods, let alone the "witch," could not hear them, I'd be surprised. These characters not only yell for most of the movie, they are also some of the dumbest filmmakers I have ever seen -- I had a suggestion for them halfway through: if you would just shut up and actually start moving, you might ACTUALLY GET OUT OF THE WOODS. The producers of "The Blair Witch Project" believed that they could make a feasible film by sending three out-of-work pitsy actors into some woods without a script -- guys, it didn't work. Many critics, for some reason, seemed to like this one. Maybe they fell asleep and had a scary dream at their screening. The public's reaction was nothing like this -- when I left the theater, all I heard was "That sucked" or "What a waste of my money." Dedicated horror fans will definitely be disappointed -- maybe the critics liked it because it was a non-horror film billed as a straight horror film -- after all, how many critics have actually ever watched a horror film. This pseudo-horror film was indeed a horrific experience -- sitting through it, that is.