Interesting, Fun, but definitely NOT Scary

Rating: 1/10 (16 August 1999)

I heard about The Blair Witch Project months before the first TV commercial for the film aired. I counted the days until the first showing in my area. After reading reviews that declared it "scary as hell", "terrifying", and "the scariest film ever", I was almost certain I was going to be frightened for the first time since watching The Omen and The Exorcist.
As a young boy, who sincerely believed in the devil (thanks to my mom), the two films were especially terrifying because I truly believed what I was watching was real, or at least possible. That, I believe, is the only sure way of scaring an audience. The Haunting was such a disappointment because there was no way you were going to 'buy' those blatantly apparent special effects. Moving books and opening cabinets with fishing line is more frightening than rendered graphics (didn't those episodes of Sightings make you at least a bit more uneasy?)
And that's why The Blair Witch Project appealed to me. A horror movie that feigns reality, achieving frightening effects with simplistic techniques (or so was claimed). A documentary film-crew of three investigates a local witch legend. The three disappear and a year later their footage is found (probably within a bundle of wood or under a pile of rocks opposed to a film can). Great! What a concept! But the film isn't executed properly.
The film was shot with very little preparation, relying mainly on improvisation. The result is a film that is very funny, but not very suspenseful or shocking. Humor is something that can easily be improvised, but not suspense and horror. They need to be brought about by the manipulation of sounds and images, not by running frantic with a video camera.
I in no way doubt the integrity of the actors' performances, but I need a little bit more than their fright to make it my own fright. Piles of rocks and bundles of wood just don't cut it. Sure, they along with the stick figures that are discovered are freaky as a preliminary, but I require something more dangerous. Phantom hands, Shadows, two points of light that could be evil eyes off in the distance, even grasping branches would have satiated. I spent most of the time scanning the screen looking, hoping to see SOMETHING.
Sadly, the filmmakers give you nothing. You leave the theater unsure of what exactly accosted the three. Was it sadistic practical jokers? Rednecks or devil worshippers? A witch or malevolent spirit? I'm afraid you'll never know. I didn't want full disclosure, just enough to make me think "Maybe Mom was right, the devil IS out to get me!" Less is sometimes more, but nothing will always be nothing. After all, a house isn't haunted if it hasn't any ghosts.
Some argue the point that if I were one of the three lost and haunted filmmakers I would be scared. No doubt. But I would just as soon be afraid of what happens in a Will Smith movie if it were happening to me.
So, is this movie worth seeing? Sure. I did laugh quite a bit and any movie that does that is no waste of time. There are two very tense scenes, but they are quickly over before they can be called "terrifying" (the final scene is especially disorienting). Although, be warned, those likable characters soon become annoying as they get lost in deep, deep Maryland and begin fussing and fighting. You may be longing for their deaths and find what does befall them disappointing. So, see this movie, but don't tell me "it'll make you afraid to go into the woods". Deliverance has already done that.
Last Note: Here's a funny thing you can do in a packed movie house showing The Blair Witch Project. When Heather, Josh, and Mike first discover the pile of rocks outside their tent, scream, "Oh my God! Rocks!", then, frantically run up the aisle, through the theater doors, never to return.