Indefensible garbage

Rating: 1/10 (27 January 2017)

I have been a fan of a number of efforts from the Coen Brothers. Truthfully, even when they miss the mark, I am still able to find something worthwhile in the effort. The Big Lebowski is the exception to that rule. I originally saw it in theaters, where it played for an eyeblink and received mixed reviews. It was one of the few films my family has ever walked out on. I caught it later on cable and watched it to the end to see if I missed anything worthwhile, since it had inexplicably developed a cult following. The answer was a resounding no.
In what can complimentary be deemed a plot, the action centers on a zoned out bowler nicknamed The Dude, who somehow is mistaken for the title billionaire and gets pulled into what must be the most ill-conceived kidnapping plot in the history of cinema.
The ludicrous nature of the action would seem to recommend it to comedy, but the film is devoid of laughs. Unless the idea of a young woman's body parts being sent via mail is especially funny to you. The film introduces one needless and ostentatiously bizarre character after another in order to drum up some semblance of entertainment, but since none of them are important to the "plot" and have nothing of comical worth to contribute, it all seems a huge waste.
The dialogue is basically thinking up new ways to drop the f-bomb every 10 seconds. What passes for comedy is having the avuncular narrator (Sam Elliott) actually stop the proceedings at the midway point to good-naturedly ask The Dude why he has to to use such chronic foul language, to which The Dude responds with another f-bomb. How meta! How coy! And to rouse viewers lulled into a stupor, there are occasionally pointless unrelated fantasy sequences.
Julianne Moore shows up to no avail, speaking in some wacko old-Hollywood actress rhythm (think Jennifer Jason Leigh in The Hudsucker Proxy). But whereas Leigh's impersonation had a legitimate reason to be, Moore's quite simply does not. Jeff Bridges can be an amazing actor and has contributed some wonderful cinematic contributions. This is not one of them. It seems incomprehensible that a following has cropped up around this character, because The Dude is little more than a cipher. The Dude is a completely passive non-entity, who spends the duration in a zoned out state. He seems to have nary an opinion on anything and it is inconceivable that anyone could mistake him for the title character, much less a sentient being at all. The plot careens him from one improbable and unfunny set-up to another eliciting little in the way of energy or emotion from him. He is just not remotely interesting here.
The only appealing or likable characters in the film are Elliott's narrator and Steve Buscemi, as a perpetually sunny and helpful fellow bowler. Alas, Buscemi is basically here to be bullied, brutalized, cursed at, and finally die. If most of the cast is awash in unlikable and appalling characters, the worst by far is John Goodman. The normally reliable Goodman is so over-the-top that his every moment on screen is like fingernails down a chalkboard. He plays The Dude's "best friend", a completely incompetent bully who inserts himself into everything to the detriment of all involved. He drops the f-bomb as much as The Dude and treats everyone around him with loud-mouthed contempt. He is an illiterate, detestable, brutish bore and the performance desecrates the screen, yet the filmmakers actually seem to think his antics are a riot. The film is pretty awful without Goodman's godawful work, but with his participation it descends even further into cinematic hell.
I cannot think of anything to say complimentary about the film and the fact that this abomination was vomited forth by otherwise talented filmmakers seems inexcusable.