An EPIC failure!

Rating: 3/10 (16 October 2007)

"The Bench Warmers" is about a three man baseball team that challenges every teenage baseball team that bulleys nerds to a pick-up game. The duo consists of a short strong man named Gus (Rob Schneider), which by the way makes no sense considering he's shorter then my seven year old cousin that can't even dunk on a two foot high plastic basketball hoop, let alone even pick up a full sized basketball. The next character is a video store geek named Richie (David Spade), and the third and most stupid member of the group is a mama's boy by the name of Clark (Jon Heder). It all starts when the three witness a few neighborhood boys ganging up on one of the local nerds, the three men decide to take a stand for geeks and weirdos everywhere.
The overall film was held together by nose pickings, flatulence, and sucking at baseball to the extreme. I lost count of the number of times Clark through the bat from his hands and hit a person or a squirrel. Oh and I'm sorry, how many times did Richie nick the ball before he actually hit it? Too many to count, and too many to even laugh at.
Of course everyone was going to think that this movie was hysterical because its staring the "king" of comedy, Jon Heder or better known as Napoleon Dynamite. But to me, he is over-dramatic at times when saying his lines, and before he even says his lines, you can tell he is searching through his dull and empty mind for the next line. Not to mention that his performance in this film looks to be the exact same as his previous movie, Napoleon Dynamite; but hey, he fits right in with David Spade and Rob Schneider with my previous statement, so good for you Jon, you guys are three predictable peas in a pod.
This movie was more predictable then watching my grandma eat prunes and then afterwards saying, "I wonder what's going to happen after I eat these...?" I could guess every step of the way on what was coming next, and how the movie was going to end. You could also tell that this was a Happy Madison production just at first glimpse. Sandlar then continues to hire director Denis Dugan who hasn't made a good movie since "Happy Gilmore." Oh and of course, it wouldn't truly be a Happy Madison production without a dose of homophobia. You get your occasional "Homo!" being shouted from the crowd during the movie, and that would have slided by with me; but then of course, they throw in a fairy queen and his lover who wears a speedo during the entire film.
I also loved how they matched up three grown morons to play against a team of toddlers in a baseball game. Obviously the so-called adults will prevail in the end. Maybe they should have had it be that the younger kids kicked the crap out of the only adult morons alive and then somehow they squeezed there way into the championship game. Maybe that would have made them more money then they spent on the film and their terrible actors.
Overall, this was yet another downfall in a Happy Madison production, which is no surprise. Maybe if David Spade and Rob Schneider would act like something other then the same role they've played in every other movie, I would have actually had a laugh during the same parts the immature 28 year old sitting a few rows in front me was cracking up at because Jon Heder was yet again, picking his nose. But hey, at least the movie made some sort of sense and didn't turn out like another "Grandmas Boy" movie. Great job in another terribly filmed and scripted movie Happy Madison, you never cease to disappoint me.