A bench best left cold

Rating: 3/10 (1 June 2013)

Clark (Jon Heder), Gus (Rob Schneider) and Richie (David Spade) are middle-age, hapless geeks who have constantly been belittled and treated like second-class citizens just because they're uncoordinated, socially and athletically inept, and overall anemic and soft. One day, on the baseball diamond, they stand up for a young boy named Nelson, who is similar to the men in the way that he always seems to be a target of embarrassment and the butt of every joke. After defending him and proving worthiness by winning a baseball game, the three men are approached by the boy's father, Mel (Jon Lovitz), who wants to assemble a baseball team called "The Benchwarmers," which consists of one nonathletic soul after another. The men bite and make a bold attempt at trying to live up to Mel's standards, whatever they may be.
Unfortunately, writers Allen Covert and Nick Swardson do not make a bold attempt at making The Benchwarmers a creative, funny comedy. At a paper-thin eighty-five minutes long, I counted two small laughs and maybe a smile, which is far, far too unsubstantial for a comedy in this day and age. It doesn't help that it tries to tackle the incredibly difficult comedy act of slapstick, which I'm beginning to wonder if that form of comedic talent was buried with Chris Farley in the late 1990's.
A large part of the reason that Benchwarmers fails as a farce and as a satire is that, for one, it capitalizes on humor that is monotonous and immature. The second part is it's a failed satire on players that are actual benchwarmers in their own leagues. Instead of presumably giving a film to relate to, the writers find it much easier to sneer at their attempts at succeeding and their earnest passion for a game they may not be good at.
The film was released by Happy Madison, a studio I've long been at odds with when it comes to reviewing their films. Adam Sandler, the company's founder, often makes films where he puts the audience in the unruly position of laughing down at the characters and making them either incredibly unlikable or just not very interesting from a human standpoint. Not even interesting in the sense of being comedy vehicles. The result with Benchwarmers is three popular comedians doing work that should be written and performed by second-rate improv actors. Not these names. And don't get me started on Nick Swardson, playing Richie's brother, a sheltered albino with an uncompromising fear of the sun and the outside.
On a final note, this was directed by Dennis Dugan, the director, or perhaps victim, of many Sandler films in the 2000's. Even though I can't immediately recall a film directed by him and pioneered by Sandler I've liked, I can say that this won't be the first one I think of when I think of his worst pictures. After all, in 2006, I'm sure he couldn't foresee the film he'd later get tangled up in, like Just Go With ItYou Don't Mess With the Zohan.
Starring: Jon Heder, Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Lovitz. Directed by: Dennis Dugan.