Shallow waters

Rating: Null/10 (29 June 2000)

Less than sixty-seconds into Danny Boyle's paradise-lost story The Beach, and we already know we're in dangerously shallow water. "My name is Richard," announces the tedious voice of our protagonist. "So what else do you want to know?" Presumably the question is rhetorical, but it surely doesn't make our souls feel less tested two hours down the road. Based on a mildly acclaimed 1997 novel by Alex Garland, The Beach has absolutely nothing to say, not a sentence, not two words, not a cough of profundity in its entire length--but it's going to talk away anyway.
But the movie is nothing more than harmless junk. Leonardo DiCaprio, in his first major movie role in two years, does have his moments and, while none of them are perfect, this film ultimately proved that his supposed mighty post-Titanic power over Hollywood was wildly overestimated.