We've All Seen This Film Before...

Rating: 6/10 (10 May 2013)

Only in excess of 1,400 reviews of this so far - what could possibly be added at this point? It is obvious that the comic-book readers (and nostalgics, of which I could have still been, maybe ten years ago) were more than elated to see all of their favorite four-color heroes in live action together, all at once, sharing the big screen as if a Marvel comic came to life and had, very nearly, no budget restrictions whatsoever.
But seriously - Loki? In the 1960's Thor comics, maybe, he was still a villain one could love to loathe. But nowadays? Neither the character nor the actor portraying him (poor guy) were remotely interesting.
The army at his disposal was made up of some sort of third-rate alien race that, ironically enough, evoked some of rival DC's aliens from their INVASION crossover event back in the 90's (because they couldn't use the Skrulls - right? If those show up anywhere, it will be in a Fantastic Four movie! How amusing to see the Marvel universe split up that way - due to their overzealous ambition to expand their properties' share of the movie industry! It is truly priceless! And more so with the odd choice for replacements here...)
Much has been said about turning Nick Fury into Ebony Fury: personally, I think it improved the rather bland, James Bond wannabe type that the character was for several decades following his introduction in the comic-bookies... However, Samuel L. Jackson is not half the actor Lawrence Fishburne is: the latter could pull off Morpheus but the former is simply not convincing as Shaft, Mace Windu, Agent Augustus in the XxX movies (which naturally prepared him for this one here) and, truth be told, he must be taking this part about as seriously as his role in Snakes On A Plane...
And as for the Avengers themselves - aside from the extremely convincing Hulk (and customized too, in order to look more like human thespian counterpart Mark Ruffalo - I am sure Edward Norton and Eric Bana were so green with envy - not.) and the ever-solid Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man (he truly made this character his own) the rest is somewhat disappointing as Thor has still not grown on me, Captain America seems ill-served by Chris Evans' acting range and Hawkeye... Well, anyone could have played Hawkeye.
The single most disappointing character has to be Scarlett's Black Widow: I mean, wow, that line-delivery and lack of expressiveness is worthy of a Razzie or two - come on! Especially that line amidst the big battle in New York - ''I don't see how that can be a party'' was it? (I paraphrase!) Even Kristen Stewart could not have been this bad!
S.H.I.E.L.D. leaves me uninterested flat out, as well it should. It had ''future TV series spin-off'' written all over it; that must be why!
Now, it took me only a few seconds to figure out why all of this looked so damn familiar, as if I'd seen this movie before: and I sure did! The gathering of characters everyone knows, their peril aboard a ship and then the big battle with a common foe - the exact same plot was seen a few years ago in... LXG! That's right: the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, the movie Warner Bros. approved because it was cheaper to produce than a full-fledged (JUSTICE) LEAGUE movie! And these Avengers were still a long way from assembling, back then...!
So, why was the LXG so poorly received - and the Avengers praised? The LXG had a better, more iconic ship than the S.H.I.E.L.D.'s whatever it's called - it was the NAUTILUS! The LXG had a better action gal too in Peta Wilson! The LXG had one of the original action stars - Sean Connery himself! I'm sorry but, no matter how much I appreciate him, Robert Downey Jr. doesn't quite measure up to the original James Bond! And it only stands to reason too as the LXG gathered up classic literature characters rather than super-heroes who all have, collectively or individually, less than 100 years of history and yet the need to constantly revamp their mystique is already felt. Perhaps it is due to the fact that they lack originality? The Hulk is, after all, nothing but a rip-off of Mister Hyde. Thor was borrowed from Norse mythology - and modified. Hawkeye wants to be Robin Hood with an attitude. Need I go on?
The Avengers were only more anticipated and (considerably) more well- received because the target audience was primed and ready for it: they read these heroes' stories in their childhood and had wanted this for so long. That simply wasn't the case for the LXG; the kids who read those and viewed them in the same light are all dead of old age already.
For my money, the LXG had the better script - and more believable action. The Avengers' lone long action sequence is truly the only lasting impression one is left with with this over-hyped production - and I had seen it on YouTube before I got to see the film in its entirety! That doesn't say much for the rest of this Marvelfest - does it?
And, quite frankly, Thanos looks ridiculous too. But they have time to improve him a bit for Avengers 2 (Although with Batista as Drax The Destroyer, how hokey will the overall finished product get to be...?)