Abominable Monstrosity Of Yawning Tedium

Rating: 1/10 (8 April 2017)

You want a definition of pretentious, tedious, boring, prolonged, too far-fetched, dull, skewed, pathetic, silly and bland? Well, you got it - this abominable terrible monstrous long stew that was intended as a masterwork but failed sizzling and dies with a whimper. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford is a terribly vapid and languid film that crawls lazily and only gets a bit faster when the shootings come in, but alas, even they sound as if some boys exploded powder from their dad's bullets in the backyard. This lazy, idle, slow, plodding, yawning delivery is made all worse by awful scenes of some duels or deaths which all seem unnatural or staged. Brad Pitt? Sam Shepard? Sam Rockwell? Well, ven excellent stars can make horrid missteps like they all did here. My advice - never even think of watching this abomination of artless stew/