Mind-Numbingly Awful

Rating: 1/10 (4 September 2010)

I've been a member of this site for quite a while, but not since 'Avatar', have I felt such strong hatred for a film that I could bother to write a scathing review of it. Firstly, as an Australian, I haven't read the book, and don't know the story at all. Hence, I spent the first 100 minutes of the film wondering what the hell was going on and trying to convince myself that the storyline would come together in the end.
Here's my understanding of the plot. ****SPOILERS**** Jesse James and his brother run a gang of outlaws who rob trains. The movie starts with Robert Ford asking to help Jesse's brother, who threatens him with a gun because he doesn't like his tone of voice. Then they rob a train. For the next 80 minutes I noticed no progression in the narrative. Then Jesse goes and kills one of his friends, all his friends start killing each other, and he nearly slits Robert Ford's throat for some reason. Then the Ford brothers kill Jesse and everybody hates Robert Ford. Then he dies too.
Quite honestly, that story should have taken about 15 minutes to show in a short film and would still be less interesting that watching grass grow. I spent half of the movie wondering what Robert did do deserve all the hate, why everyone liked Jesse so much, why I was even bothering to watch it, and how much time was left. Mary-Louise Parker's contribution of a few ear-splittingly annoying fake screams made me want to beat her to death with a baseball bat.
In summary, this movie should be prescribed as the cure for insomnia, and the director strung up for a few weeks for wasting so much money and my time.